


Everything Stays

by alrightginger, womeninthesequel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Party, Prom, ginger in the sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2020-03-07 03:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 44,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18864373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alrightginger/pseuds/alrightginger, https://archiveofourown.org/users/womeninthesequel/pseuds/womeninthesequel
Summary: Lily would do just about anything to prove Petunia wrong, and James would do just about anything for Lily. When she asks him to be her fake boyfriend, James can’t pass up his chance to be her Prince Charming in more ways than one.





	1. Holy Ground

**Author's Note:**

> A Ginger in the Sequel Production

_“I guess we fell apart in the usual way, and the story’s got dust on every page.”_

\--

Only Petunia would find a way to spoil Christmas Eve. 

“Try not to embarrass us at dinner, freak.” Petunia sneers from her doorway across the hall. 

Lily doesn’t care that their mother can hear her yell. “You do that just fine on your own!”

Ignoring a call from downstairs, Lily sharply closes the door to her room - not quite slamming, because that would be enough to make their mother respond more actively - before Petunia can do it as the last word. She leans against the wood for a few seconds, trying to tame her flaring temper. Her heart is racing and hands shake in a way only her sister can inspire. 

She closes her eyes and counts to ten, trying to regain control of her thrumming heartbeat, but everything is still the same when she opens her eyes. The same pale pink walls she’s had her entire life. The same infuriating sister in the other room. The same desire to sink into a life where a battle doesn’t happen so regularly in her house.

Winter break feels like an eternity. 

Unlike most high school seniors, Lily Evans can’t wait to be back in school. There, she doesn’t have an older sister hanging over her shoulder, waiting and successfully finding every place to strike. There, she knows her place and comfortably slides into it, free in the moments where people don’t notice her.

A few days of being stuck in the house has ruined some of her usually neat habits. Homework assignments are scattered across her desk, lines of incomplete equations and diagrams. She looks past the messy pile of sweaters on her bed and crumpled sticky notes to her window. Her curtains are pulled back from that morning, when she nearly jumped out of bed to see the snow. In the house next door, a light is on in the bedroom directly across from hers. 

For the first time all day, the tension in her shoulders loosens and she knows what to do.

She crosses the room to her desk and rifles through the top drawer. Lily scribbles a few words onto a sheet of torn notebook paper with a Sharpie and sticks it to the window with a piece of tape, the message facing toward the other house’s lit bedroom window.

_Did your mom make the cookies I like?_

To stop herself from expecting a reply, she turns away and assesses the pile of sweaters on her bed. None of them passed her earlier inspection, so she still needs to find something to wear.

After a few minutes of forcing herself to fold clothes and stack them neatly in her closet, Lily lets herself turn back to the window. The paper on the window makes her drop the sweater she’s holding and almost press her nose against the glass to see better. He’s already gone by the time she looks, but the words are visible enough from across the space between their houses.

_She did. Doubt there will be any left by the time dinner rolls around._

Instantly, Lily tears down her old note and reaches for a new sheet of paper. Before she can start her response, Petunia yells something she can hear through her closed door. It’s muffled, and Lily doesn’t bother yelling back to figure out what she said. This is more important.

Determined, Lily tears off a piece of tape with a flourish and puts up her reply.

_Then it's not worth it. Tell your mom I died in a tragic accident._

This time, she doesn’t even bother trying to busy herself. She sits on her bed, just out of sight, so he doesn’t see that she’s waiting for his reply. The response comes quickly, she notices, since she can see his outline moving from her perch.

_Come now, Evans. Surely the cookies aren’t the only reason to come over?_

In spite of herself, Lily smiles a bit. The sign is a nice reminder that she won’t be completely alone at dinner. Her sister wants to make things difficult, but someone will silently be in her corner. He doesn’t have to know how much she’s looking forward to it, but he does have to know that the problem isn’t with his house.

_It’s the only reason I'll sit at the table with Miss Prom Princess._

Lily pulls the new festive sweater she found at her favorite thrift store from her closet and throws it on her bed. While she tugs her regular shirt from a boring day at home over her head, she searches her room for everything else she needs. She glances toward the other window while she tries to put in an earring without a mirror.

_How dare you. You know that was the proudest moment of her life._

With her boots in one hand, Lily shakes her head and scrawls out the next sign.

_Not you too._

When she’s dressed, another sign is already waiting for her.

_Always me, Evans. Mom is calling. See you later!_

Suddenly, she’s reminded of the past few years and how things change. This game is familiar since it’s one they’ve been playing since they can both remember, but it isn’t the same. 

Nothing is.

Without an immediate reply in her head, her marker hesitates over the paper for a few seconds. Petunia makes another sound in the room across the hall, and Lily writes a final message. 

_You better save me a cookie, Potter!_

Without another look back, she checks her mirror one last time and goes downstairs.

\--

The hardest part about the Potter-Evans annual Christmas Eve dinner isn’t the fact that James is forced to hang three extra stockings, filling them with small lotions and soaps as though he’s Saint Nick himself while Sirius tosses them at his head. 

It isn’t the fact that his mother is in full combat mode against the small bits of dust that hide under crevasses - which don’t seem to matter any _other_ time of the year - for the entirety of the day, forcing him to enlist alongside her and shouting at him for not using the Swiffer in enough of a pivoting motion. His father, meanwhile, gets to avoid the dinner preparations every year since he’s working his shift at the hospital. Granted, he also misses out on the meal, _but still._

It isn’t even the fact that he has to pathetically bake Lily a batch of her favorite cookies, and then pretend they’re from his mother, because he doesn’t _want_ to be seen as pathetic. 

It’s the fact that he’s in _love._

Impossibly, incredibly, head-over-heels-over-feet-and-back-again, sort of love. 

With Lily Evans. 

And she doesn’t know it. 

“You missed a spot,” says Sirius. He’s lazing about on the sofa, watching the old claymation Jack Frost while James is rearranging his mother’s Christmas village on the fireplace mantle that his supposed best friend wrecked. “Get out of the way, will you?”

“Look, it’s not my fault that the television is stupidly placed above the fireplace and I’m ungodly feet high,” grumbles James, clutching a little fireman and his dog so tightly he’s surprised they don’t shatter. “You _know_ the fireman doesn’t go in the cafe. He goes in the fire station, because he’s on duty. He’s got his little outfit on and everything.”

“Jesus, get your knickers out of a twist. He needed a coffee break.”

“He just got to work! There’s coffee in the station!”

“Do you hear yourself?” laughs Sirius, one arm propped underneath his head in such an easy fashion that James wants to flip the couch. “It’s your mother's Christmas village.It’s not like I replaced baby Jesus with Bart Simpson again.”

James whips his head around, spotting his mother’s nativity scene and noticing that it is indeed in perfect condition. Which is almost suspicious. 

James sighs. “No, I suppose you haven’t.”

“Not yet, anyway. Listen, I know that you’re all in a tizzy because Evans is coming over later. But, honestly, she’s not going to care that the fireman is at the cafe or the mailman is hooking up with a Christmas caroler behind the barn.”

_“_ He _\- what?”_

“Your town needs more red headed children,” yawns Sirius, stretching out on the couch. “Anyway, Evans isn’t going to care. So why do you?”

“Because everything has to be perfect.”

“Everything in the house has to be perfect? Or _you_ have to be perfect?”

James can’t explain to Sirius how much Christmas means to Lily and, therefore, how much Christmas means to him. 

Because, there again, is where he is pathetic.

But he can’t help it. He _loves_ Lily. And Lily loves Christmas. So James throws himself into making the house look like a winter wonderland for her every Christmas season.

Maybe, just maybe, if everything isperfect, she’ll think that way of him too. 

_Pathetic,_ he thinks to himself. _Perfectly pathetic._

“The mailman doesn’t need a mistress,” he grumbles aloud, snatching the couple that’s standing face to face hidden behind the barn. “He’s married to the bookshop owner.”

\--

No matter what else is going on, Lily looks forward to their annual trek to the Potters for Christmas Eve dinner. For a past few years, she let her sister think it was another chore, but that was only to keep her from finding a way to twist it. Once school lets out for break, Lily allows herself to start counting down until the minute they knock at the house next door. 

The Potters’ house, she decided a long time ago, is what Christmas is supposed to be. 

It looks, she swears, like one of those houses they put in glossy magazines. It isn’t structurally that much different from hers, but that doesn’t matter. It’s not the house itself, really, but the people and things she finds inside it.

Unlike her house, everything feels complete and intentional. It’s a home with everything just so. Things have their place while still looking like people live there comfortably. The Evans’ house always feels a little over-full and empty at the same time. The Potter house, on the other hand, has all the right things in all the right places. 

The lights, even though they’re the same ones that she convinced her mother to buy at the store, give the illusion of magic. While she doesn’t mind having a fake tree most of the time, Lily can’t deny that the real one makes the whole house smell like pine and wonder and _Christmas_. 

Mrs. Potter even hangs up a stocking for her, right beside the ones for Mom and Petunia. There’s cookies, a much more elaborate meal than anything they ever have in their house, and everything just feels _right_. 

And then there’s James. 

She’s still stung from sparring with Petunia, but Lily makes it downstairs a few minutes early to check on her own contribution to dinner. She carefully places the iced cake into a container with a clear lid that lets her worriedly check it every time she moves. 

Then, she’s hurrying them out the door and hoping she isn’t too obvious. 

Before she knocks, Lily’s mother reminds both of her daughters to tuck away their phones (though Petunia is the only one looking at hers) and smooths out a few non-existent wrinkles in her skirt. Her mother holds the cake, so Lily stops herself from reminding her not to tip it. Instead, she shifts her weight between her feet and watches the little window by the door.

When the door opens, any lingering worries about the over-the-top spirit of her fabric antlers from the dollar store or Christmas sweater are completely gone. 

James is standing in the doorway with a curled elf hat and his mussed hair sticking out in every direction. His flushed cheeks tell her that Mrs. Potter has put him to work all day in preparation. 

How can anyone look at him in that ridiculous hat and not smile?

Her smile falters slightly when Lily notices the bespectacled deer on his chest that’s just similar enough to the sweater she picked for the occasion. She stops herself from noticeably looking down at the sliver of sweater that can be seen between the open sides of her coat.

He won’t think she planned that, will he?

A noise behind her tells Lily that Petunia _definitely_ notices James’ sweater.

Ignoring her sister, Lily makes eye contact and lets out a nervous laugh. “Hey,” she says before anyone else in her family can say something embarrassing. No matter what else has happened, walking into the house and seeing him loosens one of the knots in her stomach. “Nice hat.”

“Thanks,” he says, voice cracking slightly. Lily isn’t sure if the word got stuck in his throat or if he had been waiting to say _anything._ He tends to talk a lot. Too fast and too much at times. “Nice antlers, by the way.”

He’s far too cute for someone who looks so silly. 

“Embracing the holiday spirit,” Lily answers, tilting her chin up in an exaggerated show of pride. She flips the ends of her hair and lets them fall at her shoulders. “I always think -” 

_“God,_ Lily,” groans Petunia dramatically. Petunia has a flarefor dramatics. She literally majors in it at the local community college. “It’s _cold._ Stop blocking the door and let us inside.” 

Lily barely has enough time to move out of the way before Petunia is stomping through the door, knocking Lily into the doorframe. The snow that clings to her Ugg boots crunches along the Potters’ polished floor. 

“Right,” Lily says under her breath, reaching up to straighten the crooked headband of her antlers. “The long trip from _next door_.”

“Does your mother need any help, James?” her own mother cuts across them, sweeping past Lily and opting for her increasingly common strategy of avoiding any trace of conflict between her daughters.

“She’s just got a pie in the oven, but if you go in the kitchen she’s likely to put on her happy mom face and start barking orders,” grins James. 

“Perfect.” Her mother nods. “Be good, girls,” she says, patting Petunia’s shoulder as she passes into the kitchen with Lily’s cake. 

Lily’s relieved to have one less person in the room, even if she’s annoyed at the implication that Petunia’s behavior is somewhat her fault. Her breathing evens out a bit when she looks around the room and finds her stocking in its usual place. “Mrs. Potter still knows how to go all out,” she comments, folding her coat over her arm.

“Yeah, well, you know Mom,” says James, reaching up to run a hand through his hair and knocking his hat off. The little bells jingle as they hit the ground, and James quickly moves to grab it. “Presentation is important to her.”

She can’t lie to him, even if that’s the cool thing to do. “I love it.” 

“Did you guys _plan_ to match?” asks Petunia so harshly they both jump. She’s fixing her hair in the Potters’ hallway mirror, but Lily can see the corner of her sister’s eye trained on her for a reaction. “Or did the universe just decide that you two ought to share a fetish for reindeer?”

It’s probably what Petunia wants, but Lily feels heat race to her cheeks. “It’s just a sweater, _Tuney_ ,” she answers, hoping she comes off as dismissive as she’s trying to be. She looks at her sister’s left hand for a few seconds too long and then back up to her face, clearly noting what isn’t there. Despite Petunia’s best efforts, she’s sure. “Not an engagement ring.”

Lily’s volley hits its target. 

Petunia whirls around, her features worked into a snarl. She’ll have snarl lines one day, Lily suspects, rather than frown lines. “Don’t even start on that with me, Lily. Vernon and I haven’t even _talked_ about getting engaged yet. But, trust me, it _will_ happen and it will be one more thing that I have and you don’t.”

Unlike Petunia’s previous barbs, this one gives her a burst of strength. The world narrows to her sister and the overwhelming desire to win. “I’d rather die alone than marry _Vernon Dursley_.” 

“Oh, believe me, you’re not too far away from that path. Tell me, when is the last time you’ve been on an actual _date?”_

In her Petunia-fueled state, Lily barely notices Sirius enter. “As if I’d ever want to -”

“Clearly I’ve just walked in on the middle of something,” Sirius says, mirth shimmering in his eyes. Sirius _loves_ drama. At least, he used to, from what Lily remembers from middle school. “I just came to tell you guys that dinner was ready. So save your show for then, yeah? I love dinner theater.” 

“Sirius,” groans James, smashing his elf hat down in frustration. “For the love of God, _not now!”_

“Timing is everything, and my timing has always a bitch,” says Sirius, before saluting the lot of them and disappearing back into the kitchen. 

Petunia rolls her eyes, stalking out after him and taking with her an unresolved argument that Lily desperately wants to win. 

Though, she’s not sure how to do that yet. 

Lily lets out a frustrated sigh, almost knocking the antlers out of her hair when she runs her hands through it. Christmas Eve dinner with the Potters is the bright spot in her break, but Petunia is doing her best to dull its shine. 

A few seconds tick by while Lily tries to temper her anger. It’s still there on the edge, but she can think about other things. How she doesn’t want to ruin Mrs. Potter’s idea of her. How Mom will lose it if she actually has to acknowledge that there’s something more than sibling rivalry going on between her daughters. How this is supposed to be a good evening.

She looks over and notices James, his back against the wall and eyes a little wide. This time, the color stays on her cheeks for a different reason. “Sorry you had to…” She makes a vague hand gesture toward the direction where Petunia just disappeared. “It’s a sister thing.”

“It’s fine, really,” he says. James takes half a step towards her, though he’s so tall that his half step is more like two of Lily’s full steps. She has to look up slightly at him. “Are you alright, though?”

“Of course,” she answers immediately, shrugging and forcing one side of her mouth into a half-smile. She’s not going to ruin his Christmas Eve. “It’s fine.” Lily tilts her head toward the dining room. “Let’s go. Don't want your Mom's dinner to get cold.”

\--

Things are not going according to plan.

Not that James has actually _made_ a plan. There certainly isn’t a detailed, idiot proof, ten step plan in the notes section of his phone. Because _that_ would be ridiculous and something Sirius would surely heckle him mercilessly about if he ever managed to get ahold of said phone. 

Butif there _is_ a plan and step one just so happened to be _say something swoon worthy when you first see her,_ then he has miserably, wretchedly failed.

Because he hasn’t really said _anything_ to her. The moment he opened the door and saw her standing there in a sweater nearly matching his own and a pair of antlers on top of her head, he was fairly certain _he_ swooned. 

And if it couldn’t get any worse (and if there is anything James has learned in all his years dealing with the Evans women, it’s that things can most definitely get worse), Petunia noticed him noticing Lily. Smirking at him from behind Lily’s back when they got into the hallway in a way that made him feel as though he were sinking into the ground. 

She has a smirk like quicksand, Petunia does.

From there on, James was overly conscious of every step he made around Lily, because every movement was being watched by Petunia like a hawk.

The final straw, the catalyst of once again ruining a perfectly good evening with Lily Evans, comes in the form it normally takes. 

Once again, _Petunia._

Honestly, James wouldn’t be able to see how Petunia Evans could _possibly_ be related to Lily if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re both extremely hot headed and quick tempered. At least when it comes to each other. 

“Did Lily tell you that her proposal for the yearbook theme got rejected, James?” asks Petunia, ripping a small portion of dinner roll off and placing it in her smirking mouth. 

“They picked Mary’s because it’s brilliant. She deserves it,” Lily counters quickly, ripping her dinner roll in half and unconsciously mirroring Petunia when she takes a bite. 

“That’s alright,” says James. He wishes that Petunia wouldn’t do this. “You’ll still get to go to my games this year, right? I always thought you had a better eye than any other photographer on staff.”

“You didn’t tell me you were going out for editor, Lily,” Mrs. Evans adds, attention turned to her youngest daughter with the suggestion of disapproval in her voice. 

“It’s fine,” Lily dismisses her mother’s comment, looking over the table at him and no one else. “Yes, James, I’ll still be at all the games. I’m sports editor this year.”

“Oh, that’s lovely, Lily!” His mother has beaten him the punch, but he’s a bit thankful. His initial reaction to her being made sports editor was nearly a squeal. “You’ll probably be at _all_ of James’ games then, as editor. We’ll get to be bench buddies!”

_“Mom!”_ groans James, playing the part of embarrassed son, even though he’s slightly thrilled at his mom’s suggestion. 

“I’ll have to sneak away to take pictures,” Lily replies, turning her smile toward his mother. “But I’d love that, Mrs. Potter.” 

“Mia’s recruiting for the fan club,” Sirius comments right before taking a too large mouthful of mashed potatoes.

“Yes,” says Petunia, looking at Sirius in disgust and wrinkling her nose. “Well, not that James really _needs_ much a fan club support, though, does he? He’s quite popular enough at school as it is.”

James, feeling the heat creep up, rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not _that_ popular -”

“Come now,” says Petunia. “Don’t be modest. I went to school with you guys last year. It’s not like you and Lily tend to run in the same social circles. We hardly saw you since you started playing sports, you know.”

“Whatever you’re getting at, Petunia, can you -” 

“I’m sure she didn’t mean anything, Lily dear,” her mother interjects. “Can you pass the cranberry sauce?”

Pushing the sauce toward her mother stiffly, Lily tries again. “She knows exactly what she’s doing.”

“And what is it, exactly, that you think I’m ‘getting at?’” glares Petunia. She voices it as a question but presents it as a dare. 

And James knows Lily - or knew her well enough before, once upon a time - to know that she isn’t one to turn down a dare. Although James is a clever boy, he does not think he’s well versed enough in the ways of women to properly interject. So, instead, he braces himself for the eruption.

“You were so _popular_ and your freak sister can't do anything right, so you need everyone to know how different and weird you know she is!” Lily snaps back.

“Lily, your sister isn't -” her mother tries to add, but Lily doesn't give her a chance.

“Better make sure no one could _possibly_ think you're anything like her!”

“Lily,” retorts Petunia, speaking as though she’s addressing a child. “We _are_ different. We couldn’t be _more_ different. You can look at our closets and tell that. My skirts verses your t-shirts. My heels and your sneakers. Not to mention the fact that you’re on yearbook committee,and I was runner up for Prom Queen _._ It's not my fault your differences keep your circle smaller than mine.”

“Runner up for Prom Queen,” Lily says, judgment clear in her tone, “also known as the Prom _Loser_ ,is the most impressive thing you’re ever going to do in your pathetic life!”

“Lily!”

Ignoring her mother’s outcry, Lily pushes away from the table and stands. Once she’s up, anger still visibly coursing through her, she looks too agitated to sit back down and act like nothing happened. 

“I need some air,” she declares after a heavy pause. “Excuse me, Mrs. Potter.” With that, she turns on her heel and goes into the kitchen to slip out the backdoor.

The ringing silence in the dining room breaks when Sirius starts a slow clap.

“Bravo,” he cheers. “Encore!”

“Shut up, Sirius,” James says instantly, throwing down his dinner napkin with a glare in his best friend’s direction. 

\--

Lily thought maybe, just maybe, getting away from Petunia’s triumphant expression and Mom’s excuses would make her feel better. Getting some distance from them would let her breathe and decide if she overreacted. 

Unfortunately, the cold air does little to clear her head. Everything is just as jumbled as it was when Petunia was sitting next to her.

And, in the true fashion of a good storming out, she didn’t grab a coat.

Instead of feeling better, she’s shivering as well as sniffling on the middle swing of the old play set in the Potters’ backyard. Stubbornly, she scrubs her sweater sleeve over her face. She should know enough by now not to cry when Petunia tries to upset her. Even though her sister can’t see, she doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction.

“Hey,” says a voice, startling Lily. James has followed her out of the house, wearing a letterman jacket that makes his Christmas attire appear out of place. “You look cold.”

As if on cue, a chill goes through her and she hugs herself. “A bit,” she answers, forcing a note of casualness into her tone.

“Here, take this,” he says, shrugging his jacket off and draping it across her shoulders. Lily pulls it closer around her as he sits down on the swing next to her, noticing that it smells like peppermint and _James_. 

“Now you’re cold,” Lily replies, although she makes no move to him give him back his jacket. She slips her arms into the sleeves. “Did they send you out to convince me to come back in for dessert?” 

“No, they didn’t. I came out here on my own. Are you alright?”

She looks sideways at him. “I’m fine.” Even though she has said it a thousand times, this time, her voice catches. “You don’t need to freeze because of me.”

“ _I’m_ fine,” he says, though he’s rubbing his bare hands together. “You, though, Lily, you’re not. I know we’re not as… _close_ as we used to be, but I still know you well enough to know that what Petunia said in there hurt you.” 

Lily pulls the sleeves of her sweater out from under his jacket and over her hands. “Here,” she offers, avoiding the point for a few seconds and moving to hold his bare hands between her sweater-covered ones. She takes it as an excuse to look at his hands instead of his eyes.

“Thanks,” he says, his voice barely there. She would wonder if he even spoke at all but for the puffs of breath she can see leaving his lips. 

“I should be used to it by now, shouldn’t I? None of what she said is _news_ to me.”

He clears his throat before he speaks. “You shouldn’t _have_ to be used to it, though. She shouldn’t speak that way to you at all. Every word out her mouth is meant to tear you down.”

They’re both older than the last time they sat side by side on these swings, but she recognizes traces of an expression that she used to know as well as her own. “Thanks, James.” She swallows before trusting herself to speak again. “I guess... it’s nice to hear someone else say it.” 

They’re silent for a moment, the only sounds between them being the chains from the swings groaning in unison and Lily’s sniffles. 

“I just think,” he says slowly, “that you’re so much _more_ than whatever box she’s trying to put you into. And I hope that you know that. So what if you aren’t Prom Queen or Prom Princess or _whatever_ the hell it is? At least you’re not a shitty person.” 

“It’s nice to hear you say that too.” She tries to inject some lightness into her voice because his words cause a warm glow in her chest. Lily nudges the ground with the toe of her boot. “You’re pretty good at this,” she admits, squeezing his hands between hers. 

Maybe some part of her should want to defend her sister, but it’s easy to push away that urge.

“Nah,” he says, shrugging. “I just know when someone is being a terrible person. Which your sister always is.”

“I’ll have to make it up to you,” she replies, gaze lifting to the hair sticking out from the bottom of his hat instead of his eyes. “This was a pretty bad way to spend Christmas Eve.”

“It wasn’t all bad,” says James. He hasn’t moved his hand from between hers, and Lily can feel the largeness of it as she stretches her fingers to keep the blood flowing. “I got out of doing dishes, after all.”

He grins at her, and Lily laughs again. This one, she’s happy to notice, sounds more like her usual laughter. “Anything I can do to help.” Meeting his eyes is easier this time. His grin makes him look more like James Potter, her next door neighbor, and less like James Potter, the star of two school sports teams. 

“We should do this more,” Lily offers. “Well, maybe without me yelling at my sister first, but…” She shrugs. “We should talk more.”

“I know,” he nods, the little bells on his hat jingling with the motion. “I miss it. Us.” He rubs the back of his neck in a way that would look awkward on any other person. 

But he’s _not_ any other person. He’s James _._

“Petunia was wrong, you know,” he says, after a moment passes without either of them speaking. “Well, about a lot, but specifically about us being in too… different _._ My circle has enough room in it for you.” 

Her heart speeds up in a way she isn't willing to give meaning. The cold air, at least, keeps her from doing something embarrassing like blushing. “Then, it's a deal,” Lily says, impressed with how smooth the sentence sounds. “We'll widen our circles a bit and not have to miss someone who lives next door.” 

“Deal.”

There’s another brief period of quiet, but her sniffles don’t fill it this time.

“Do you think you’re ready to go back in, or do you need another moment? You’re not too cold, are you?”

His jacket on her shoulders is fending off the cold better than she would have thought from looking at it. She doesn’t think it’s just the jacket keeping her warm, though. “No, it’s okay,” she replies, the kindled fire in her chest only getting stronger. She doesn’t tell him that part. “Being out here is making me feel better.”

“Excellent.” He’s got that glint in his eye, the one she used to see everyday. “Luckily for us, I prepared for this. Check my pockets.”

She tries not to notice how her hands feel colder when they leave his to do as he says. When she smiles because her fingers close around a sealed bag in the pocket of his letterman jacket, he rocks his swing side to side slightly, bumping shoulders with her and giving her his trademark half-smirk. 

“I’d call you a genius, Potter,” Lily says, holding out the cookies to him, “but I don’t think your ego needs the boost.” She breaks off a piece for herself and tastes it, instantly remembering why Mrs. Potter’s cookies are impossible to replicate. She does, thankfully, keep herself from audibly reacting. 

“My ego could _always_ use a boost, Evans,” he says, his mouth half full of cookie. “I’m surprised this old thing has held up for so long.” He leans back on his swing, his hat nearly slipping back in the process, and allows the chains to twist around. 

“It's reliable,” she answers, pushing back on her swing to hear the chains creak. “Took us on plenty of adventures.” Dragging her feet on the ground, she turns to face him again, mischief in her eyes. “Bet I can still swing higher than you,” Lily challenges. 

Before he has a chance to pull ahead with his longer legs, she kicks off the ground.

\--

Back in her room, a little windswept and rosy cheeked, Lily falls back onto her bed with a sigh. 

It wasn’t the Christmas Eve dinner she outlined in her head. She left half the food on her plate and missed dessert (except for a few cookies, thanks to James). She didn’t take her customary tour of the house’s decorations. Mrs. Potter’s gift stocking is still unopened. 

Despite all of that, it may be the best Christmas Eve dinner ever.

When they came inside, Petunia was surprisingly easy to avoid. In the flurry of finding everyone’s coat, saying thank you, and wishing a round of Merry Christmases, they could ignore each other without much notice. Mom was happy to oblige and didn’t press when they got home. Lily darted up the stairs with little more than a kiss on her cheek.

Storming out of dinner wasn’t ideal, but something good _did_ happen. 

She got James back. 

Well, he wasn’t lost, exactly, but tonight was different than any other time they’ve talked in the past few years. 

Lily covers her face with her hands, noticing how cold the tip of her nose is.

It’s pathetic, really. They talked and laughed and swung on a play set that’s a few years younger than them. It wasn’t a _date_. They barely ate dinner, didn’t have a plan, and, of course, he didn’t kiss her goodnight.

Not that she even wanted him to do that.

So, why does she feel so giddy?

It must be the Christmas spirit getting to her. Watching too many Hallmark movies has gone to her head. Everything is more magical around Christmas, so it could be the general spirit that’s causing the warm feeling in her chest. 

She has to go to sleep before the magic wears off. Lily shifts on her bed and realizes what she should have noticed the minute she walked into her house. 

James’ letterman jacket is still over her shoulders.

Lily scrambles up, automatically pulling the jacket more tightly around her. 

Did anyone notice? 

They asked suspiciously few questions about what James and Lily did outside, now that she’s thinking about it. Even Sirius didn’t say much to her, and he loves every chance to gloat and stir up potential drama. 

Did their families see them alone and come to some kind of conclusion? 

What does Petunia think?

She knows some of what Petunia must think. James is so popular, so honored in the halls of their school. Someone like Lily, with her smaller circle, debate trophies, and yearbook spreads, couldn’t be friends with someone like James, who has his state championships and photos throughout the yearbook.

Petunia doesn’t know anything. 

Just that night, James said his circle has enough room for her in it. He had that sincere look when he said it, the one from when he swore vows and made promises, so she knows that he means it. He could have easily brushed her aside with a vague suggestion, but he didn’t. 

He _wants_ to be her friend.

Plus, Lily is the one with a letterman jacket from the high school quarterback while Petunia can’t talk a ring out of Vernon.

Even so, being friends with James won’t be quite enough to get Petunia’s blood boiling. It would prove her wrong, sure, but there isn’t much power in it. They’ll have to go a step farther. They’ll have to _be_ a step farther.

The thought strikes her. Would it really be so hard to believe that someone like James Potter could want to date someone like Lily Evans?

Taking the names away and removing herself from the situation, it sounds logical enough. If she saw a girl spend the whole evening with a boy and come back inside with his jacket, she would believe it.

Of course, he doesn’t actually like her that way, Lily reminds herself. That doesn’t matter, though, since she doesn’t like him that way either. Obviously. Petunia only has to _think_ they like each other like that for the skeleton of a plan she’s forming in her head to work. 

Besides, in a few months, they’ll be packing up for college and getting out of their town. It doesn’t have to mean anything. For the last few months, this can be a great excuse to spend more time together and bother Petunia in the process. She can get under Petunia’s skin in time to have the dramatic ride into the sunset that comes with a fancy admissions letter.

Then, something that would bug Petunia even more than watching her sad sister date the school sports star tickles her mind until it worms its way into the idea.

She could beat Petunia at her own game. She could win the thing that escaped her sister. Petunia may rest on the laurels of her high school popularity and gossip trading, but Lily has a secret weapon. 

James.

Couples always do better in the running. With James, she wouldn’t need to settle for runner up. Who wouldn’t want to vote for him? With him as a running mate, she would have an actual shot at winning. Combining votes from across high school social groups could ensure something Petunia couldn’t do.

Lily could be Prom Queen.

She nearly gasps aloud when she sees it all in her head. It could work. She knows it could. 

Holding James’ hand at the table would annoy her sister, but Lily can imagine Petunia’s expression when she gets to take home a crown that’s better than the treasured tiara sitting on Petunia’s vanity.

Right then, she’s tempted to find a way to tell James everything. She glances at the window, seeing his light still on, and has her phone in her hand. She opens the messaging app, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard.

Then, she pauses and puts the phone down.

It’s better to explain it all at once. Tomorrow morning, she’ll catch him before he has a chance to accidentally say anything to his parents or Sirius. She’ll let him know her brilliant plan, and he’ll have to agree. She remembers how much he loved planning pranks and jokes when they staged master plans in their backyards. It’s exactly the kind of plan that he would love.

Even if he doesn’t know about it yet, she can still be setting them up strategically. 

A few seconds later, Lily caps her Sharpie and tapes the sign to the glass before turning out the lights and curling up under the covers, the sleeve of his jacket still held in one hand.

_Good night!_ the note facing his window says in curving scrawl before ending with a hastily drawn heart.

\--

The vast majority of James’ morning has been spent with his mind preoccupied by the heart drawn on Lily’s last note from the previous night. He couldn’t manage to tear his thoughts from it during Christmas morning presents, and he _always_ gives his Christmas loot his full attention. 

It’s just a heart. Something simple and quickly drawn, but he wonders if there’s something behind it all. Some sort of hidden meaning in the way that the lines loop and curl. 

Lily has never signed her notes with hearts before. Normally, her notes were some sort of dig at him, - _nice hair, Potter, bit windy is it? -_ so there mustbe a cause for this sudden signature change. 

Maybe - just maybe - she’s starting to develop something other than mild annoyance for him. 

Not that’s she’s eversaid that she finds him annoying, but she must. Nearly everyone else does. His mother tells him that he’s annoying her at least six times a week. But, mostly, that’s due to his pranking of her.

Lily used to find him endearing. She would laugh with him and whatever joke they were on about rather than _at_ him. He used to be more charming whenever he was around her, something that he hopes to find his way back to again before the end of their senior year where they will part for college. 

He doesn't want to go to college and be Lily’s old, slightly annoying neighbor. 

He wants to be her boyfriend. 

Though, he will happily settle for a boy that is a friend.

Like he was before _everything._

But still, there is that bit in him that pines for her in a way he has never been quite able to squash. That bit that says, while friendship with Lily Evans is something he does desire, it’s not everything that he wants when it comes to her. 

He feels as though a clock is ticking somewhere in the background of his mind. Waiting to chime at the last possible moment that he has to woo her. That this is his last possible chance.

Or, perhaps, he’s an overly analytical idiot. Which is something else his mother has called him.

“James,” drifts his mother’s voice from the kitchen, causing his teeth to grind. “I need you to take this trash out, please!” 

James wants to grumble that Christmas shouldn’t be about cleaning the house and taking the trash out. It should be spent opening presents and thinking about Lily Evans. But he knows his mother well enough to know that she’ll give him one of her forty five minute speeches over how she never asks him for anything and how her own mother would turn over in her grave if she witnessed what an ungrateful son her daughter is raising. 

So, instead, he grabs the trash from his mother and trudges outside. The ground is packed with freshly fallen snow, something he hopes his mother hasn’t noticed or she’ll ask him to shovel the sidewalk as well, and he shivers against the chill of the air. 

It’s colder than it was last night, but James can’t bring himself to mind that he let Lily wear his letterman jacket home. No one else seemed to notice - he isn’t even sure if Lily herself noticed she was still wearing it when she left - but he did. 

He always notices when it comes to Lily. 

His mind is drifting, wandering to visions of Lily grinning at him while wearing his coat, and he’s certain his cheeks are tinted pink though not from the cold. He’s so far in his own mind that he doesn’t notice the set of fresh footprints in the snow until he’s right up on them, and then he’s so distracted by them that he is completely caught off guard when someone jumps out at him from behind his trash can. 

“James!” 

Lily is actually standing in front of him and isn’t just an image in his mind. With her pink cheeks and loose hair under a winter cap, she looks a little wild. She’s wearing his letterman jacket over her pajamas, the sheer bulk of it nearly swallowing her. 

But, of course, he notices all of that only _after_ he lets out a high pitched scream that causes several birds in a nearby tree to scatter.

“Jesus Christ, Evans!”he hisses, clutching at his chest and stumbling into the trash can. “You scared the absolute _shit_ out of me!”

“Oh my God, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s alright,” he says, his heart still pounding wildly. He’s not sure anymore that it’s just from the scare. “Just… don’t tell anyone that I screamed like _that.”_

“Okay,” she agrees, grinning. “Marauder’s Promise.” Lily offers her pinky to him and attempts to temper her grin with a more serious expression. She doesn’t quite succeed. 

James raises his eyebrows, looking down at her outstretched pinky as though she’s offering him gold rather than a simple pinky swear. They haven’t made a Marauder’s Promisein _years._ He links his pinky around hers as though they’re ten again, trying not to feel overly _swooned_ about the whole thing. 

His pinky is much larger than it was when he was in middle school, but it still curves around Lily’s own on instinct. 

“Excellent,” he says, his hand flexing by his side as he drops it. “What are you doing out here, anyway? Behind my trash can of all places? You could have come inside, you know. I would have made you waffles or something.”

“Didn’t want to interrupt Christmas morning,” she explains, shoving her hands back in her - no, _his_ \- jacket pockets. “Besides, I really wanted to see _you_.” Lily glances over at her house and then back. “I want to ask you about something.”

“Oh yeah?” he says, quirking an eyebrow. He isn’t sure what exactly Lily would want to talk to him about. _Alone._ He allows his mind to wander to all the possibilities. “Shoot.”

“Maybe this is weird, but I was thinking...” She pauses, clearly struggling for her next words. “I mean, I had this idea and wanted to ask you if -” Lily breaks off again and shakes her head. 

“Evans,” says James, shoving his hands in the pockets of his pajama bottoms and bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. I mean - _come on._ It’s me.”

“There’s no way this _isn’t_ weird, so I’m just going to try to say it.” Lily lets out a deep breath that fogs in front of her face. “Do you think we could convince Petunia - convince everyone - that we’re dating?”

James blinks once. 

And then once more. 

And then again. 

He isn’t quite sure that he’s heard her correctly. He _can’t_ have heard her correctly. Because while it’s not _exactly_ what he is wanting, it’s close. Nearly pretend, but close. 

“I - you - _what?”_

“Let me try to explain.” Lily lets out another breath. “Last night, I was thinking about what Petunia said. And what you said. About how stupid all of that stuff about social circles and - and _whatever_ is.” She shifts her weight between her feet, as if moving around will work out whatever she’s thinking. “Wouldn’t it be great if we proved her and proved _everything_ wrong?”

“What are you saying?”

“What I’m saying is, we don’t _have_ to follow whatever Petunia - whatever _anyone_ \- thinks of us. If we convinced her and everyone that we were _dating_ , it would go against all that.” She makes a face like she’s worried that she may have offended him. “Not that you _have_ to date me. We just have to make her think you are.”

“So, let me get this straight. You want to date me - _fake_ date me… to prove your sister wrong?”

“Well, that just makes it sound... It’s not just that.” Lily shakes her head and stops fidgeting. “Like you said yesterday, we have to make room for each other again. There are all these unspoken rules, but if we were - if they thought we were a _couple_ , then maybe we could do something about it. Change something. It would be like hacking high school.”

James ruffles a hand through his hair, feeling himself teeter on the line of caving. He's never been able to deny Lily _anything,_ and he knows he’s one final push away from not being able to deny her this.

Even if part of him is screaming that it’s a horrible idea.

“And if we do this - if we let people think we’re dating, what would be the end result? What would we get out of it? What would we change?”

She straightens. “We’d get a good semester out of it. We can be friends - _real_ friends - again. Avoid all the petty high school drama of relationships and who likes who. Show people that all of their rules don’t matter. Plus, James, it could be _fun._ ” 

He’s swaying. Just yesterday he had been in that space between friendship and absolutely _nothing,_ and now he is being offered everything he wants. Everything he _has_ wanted for such a long time. 

But it’s not real. None of it would be real. 

James knows himself well enough to know that he clings to any sort of fantasy. And Lily Evans… she’s been his very favorite fantasy for years now. If he does this, if he agrees to it, James knows he’s going to have a hard time coming back down to reality once it all ends. 

“So, we fake date for a semester,” he presses on, knowing that he probably shouldn’t. “We let everyone think it’s real, and make our own rules for the rest of the school year?”

He knows he’s just repeating what she’s been saying, but he isn’t arguing. She knows it too, he can tell, by the way her eyes light up. 

“Exactly. All of the fun and none of the pressure.” Lily reaches out her hand, possibly to shake on it, before she drops it by her side quickly. “There’s… one more thing. The prize at the end.”

_You,_ he thinks before shaking his head. 

“What prize?”

“Prom King and Queen.”

“Prom? What’s that got…?” James trails off, knowing _exactly_ what Prom Royalty has to do with this. “Petunia. This is more than just trying to prove your sister wrong. This is about trying to one up her. To get something that she doesn’t have.”

He knows he’s hit the nail on the head even before Lily crosses her arms. 

It’s _always_ Petunia. 

James isn’t sure _why_ Lily is so dead set on always trying to prove Petunia wrong, but he knows that Lily’s sister is the driving force behind all of this. More than that, he knows that Lily is trying to prove something to her sister about herself. That she’s _more_ than however little it is that Petunia thinks of her. 

“Maybe it is,” Lily allows, “but we could do it. We could _win_ , James.” She looks down at herself and back up to him, stuffing her hands in the pockets of his jacket. “You're the only person I can ask. I _need_ you. You could get Prom King without even trying, but that's not why. It'll actually be fun with you. I _trust_ you.”

It’s her words that do it for him, that final small pushthat he needs to cross over to her side. 

_I need you. I trust you._

Somewhere in the back of his mind, the sudden thought dawns on him that even though this would all be fake, the possibility for something _real_ could be underneath it all. That if she trusts him enough, it wouldn’t have to _stay_ fake. 

He could win her over, if he tried. He could show her by being her fake boyfriend how good he could be at being her real one.

“Okay, Evans,” he says with an outstretched hand before he can stop himself. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”


	2. You Belong With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to @orderofthepygmypuff!

" _Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans, I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be. Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself, 'Hey isn't this easy?'"_

_\--_

Today is the first real day of her -  _their_ , Lily corrects herself - plan.

Everything has to be absolutely perfect. If they do this right, people will be looking at her. She's inviting, even welcoming, their judgement. If she's going to go to school as  _James Potter's girlfriend_  she has to look the part.

Unfortunately, the universe - or maybe just her sister - didn't get the message.

In the middle of brushing her teeth, Lily notices Petunia's reflection in the mirror. Classes don't start for another week or so for her, but she's already dressed and looks nearly ready to leave the house.

While Lily is still standing in her pajamas.

Not that she's running behind her own schedule. She specifically woke up early for the first day back at school so she would have time to make everything right. It's twenty minutes before her alarm usually rings, and she's already starting to get ready.

"Can I help you?" Lily mumbles past her toothbrush.

Petunia looks up from inspecting her nails. "You'll have to take the bus," she answers shortly.

"What?"

Like every morning, their mother has already left the house to make it to work on time. Lily and Petunia have contentious joint custody of a shared car, but Lily never gets to take it on a school day. That would strand Petunia at home or, when classes are in session, stop her from being able to go to school. Their mother mentioned this casually over dinner, but Petunia said not to worry.

She told their mother several times that  _of course_  she could take Lily to school, because  _of course_ Petunia is the perfect daughter who does all these nice things for her little sister who  _of course_ doesn't appreciate her.

"I'm meeting the girls for breakfast, so I don't have time to drop you off. Wanted to let you know before the bus came by." Leaving Lily stunned, Petunia turns and starts down the stairs. Then, loud enough that she can be heard from the bottom of the stairs, Petunia calls, "Have a good day!" The front door snaps behind her.

Luckily, their mother isn't around to hear Lily swear loudly.

Now she has to make everything - make  _herself_  - perfect while getting ready at light speed and without missing the bus.

With wide eyes, Lily takes in her own reflection. She doesn't usually spend the morning picking apart her flaws, but they all seem more obvious under the harsh bathroom light. Lily leans forward, scrutinizing her skin.

She shakes her head, pulling herself out of it. She doesn't have time to stress about this. She pulls the braid out of her hair, runs a brush through it, and spends valuable time trying to make her bangs look the way her hair dresser did. If she has to, she can join the group of girls who do their makeup in the bathroom before the first bell. It would be a good place to be seen, anyway.

Lily runs into her bedroom, skids to a stop, and glares at a closet full of not perfect clothes. She should be dissecting every part of her outfit, but she doesn't have time. Cursing Petunia, she dives in and tries to find something for the day.

Instead of analyzing a few choices in the mirror, she grabs a pair of jeans and school shirt. The new sweater and boots that arrived under the Christmas tree will have to be good enough to finish the look. Before she absolutely has to leave the house, Lily turns to see herself in the mirror. If she didn't know it, she wouldn't believe that she got ready in just a few minutes.

Bright red and gold catches her eye.

The star of the outfit is hanging on her bedpost, ready for the day. Lily tugs James' jacket on over everything and flips her hair out of the collar. She grabs her book bag right before slamming the door closed behind her.

When she makes it to the curb, Lily almost sighs in relief. She can see a few people down the street waiting for the bus, so she managed to avoid missing it. A small buzz in her back pocket is good confirmation that she didn't forget her phone in the rush out of the house. Lily rocks back and forth on her feet, trying to stay warm with her hands shoved in the pockets of James' jacket.

Conquering the first emergency of the day gives her a little boost. If she can handle her sister, she can handle whatever people are going to say or think at school.

This is the day where their plan becomes official, where they actually start acting on it. She's dropped hints, but there hasn't been much room for action. Since Christmas morning, Lily's mother and homework made a good team to keep her busy enough that she hasn't really seen James since he agreed to the plan.

A rumbling motor stops right in front of her, drawing Lily out of her thoughts.

The vehicle by the curb isn't a standard yellow school bus. That's stopped at the end of her road with its light flashing to let on a few of her neighbors.

Instead, in front of her is the shiny car from next door that appeared in the driveway the day that her neighbor got his license.

"James?"

"What are you doing out here, Evans?" asks James, leaning across the seat to yell at her through the passenger window. "It's freezing!"

Her internal sense of pride stops her from complaining out loud. "Petunia took the car," Lily explains, starting to bounce on the balls of her feet. "I'm waiting for the bus."

"You're not taking the bus," he says simply.

Lily blinks. She can't decide what his intention is when he says it. Her presence on the curb should be enough to show that she absolutely is taking the bus. Because, of course, her sister created a problem she had to solve this morning. She should have expected and prepared for it, but she  _did_  solve it.

"Um," she says after a slight pause, particularly eloquent. "That's the plan. It should be here any minute."

"New plan," he says, reaching over and opening the door. Lily can feel the warmth from his heat running on full blast. "You're riding with me."

She likes being able to solve things for herself, even if the solution was a little messy or not exactly what she wanted. Still, even the most self reliant person can't be expected to pass up a free ride in a warm car with their not-really boyfriend.

If she was her sister, Lily realizes, often thinking a few steps ahead to manipulate some new result, she might have planned the morning to run this way. If Petunia was trying the same plan, she probably would have.

Lily has to be cleverer.

There is no one around now, but there will be people once they get to school. This is an opportunity, one that hadn't even occurred to her and managed to land right in front of her.

Lily steps off the curb, gratefully sitting in the passenger seat, and snaps the door shut to seal away the wind. "If you insist, Potter," she replies, stowing her book bag by her feet.

If anyone asks, it's the cold that makes her cheeks pink. She certainly isn't getting sentimental about a ride to school.

"Huh," James tuts, tilting his head at her. "Funny, I expected you to put up more of a fight."

"You'd probably win anyhow, so I'll save my energy," Lily counters, holding her hands up to the vents. "Since your car is warm."

 _And expensive_ , her mind supplies, though she sort of hates the part of her that notices. It's not James' fault that his parents want to and can buy him something worth more than both of the Evans' cars put together. In all of the years they've known each other, he's never tried to make her feel like less because of how much money her family has.

Her mind shouldn't be telling her things that would make him feel guilty.

"Plus, I'm really saving you," she continues. "From your mom being upset that you left your..." she pauses, her newly warmed fingers making air quotes, " _girlfriend_  on the side of the road."

"Let me remind you,  _girlfriend_ , that this was  _my_ idea to drive you in the first place," he teases, though he's grinning as he puts the car in drive. "So, in reality,  _I'm_ saving  _you._ Plus, as your boyfriend, I can't really condone you riding the bus to school. Not only is it ungentlemanly of me, but public school bus rides are the leading causes of migraines."

"No, that's Petunia," Lily answers quickly. "But public school buses are a close second."

She's smiling and already liking this more than putting on her headphones to moodily stare out of the window of the bus. If she knew it was going to be so easy to slip back into conversation with him, maybe she would have tried earlier.

Although, the real test is coming soon enough, when their conversations aren't just the two of them and a mutual irritation with her sister.

They have a deal, though. They're in it together, so everything will be fine.

"Maybe you  _do_  need saving." Her attention turns to the spaceship-looking panel in the middle of the dash that must control the sound and temperature. "What are you even listening to, James?" Lily experimentally pokes one of the buttons.

"The Shins." He doesn't even flinch at the sight of her messing with his radio, something that Lily knows Vernon would call Petunia out for if she messed with his talk radio. "I've been in a  _New Slang_ mood lately. But here," he says, handing her his phone, "take a look through my music. You can change it to whatever you'd like."

"I used to listen to music like this," Lily answers, nodding to his radio and scrolling past a few bands she doesn't recognize. "Back when middle school felt like the ultimate form of suffering."

"Middle school  _is_ the ultimate form of suffering. Do you remember when we had to take that sex education course together? Sirius sat in the back, giggling the whole time."

"Mornings need something more upbeat. Like…"

When she sees the perfect artist, Lily knows it immediately. She taps the name and is more than a little surprised to see almost her entire discography _._ A little overwhelmed by the choices, she picks one of the songs at somewhat random, though she does steer clear of some of the more emotional ones.

"Something like this."

_You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset._

"Oh my god," he laughs, shaking his head, "of  _course_ you're a Swiftie."

"Apparently I'm not the only one," Lily answers, holding up his phone and flipping through the songs with her thumb. "I have some of the bonus tracks you seem to be missing, secret Swiftie."

"I'm a  _sporadic_ Swiftie. I like to listen to her in intervals, or whenever the mood hits me."

"You would say that." Lily rolls her eyes. "It's  _always_ a Taylor Swift mood." She turns up the volume in time for one of the better-known lines.

_She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts._

Lily moves her shoulders and head with the words. If she isn't going to fully enjoy the song, what's the point?

"Do you remember all those middle school dances where they would play this song  _constantly?"_ James nearly shouts over music, turning towards her with a grin she's seen many a girl swoon over. "I think I still know all the words! ' _Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you!'"_

She turns toward his side of the car and returns his grin with one of her own when she adds the next line. "' _Been here all along, so why can't you see?'_ "

They both commit fully to the title line, singing loudly and gesturing wildly.

"' _You belong with me!'_ "

Lily turns the volume back to something her mother would call  _appropriate_  and sinks back into the passenger seat. She lets his phone rest on her lap and watches a few mailboxes pass. "Maybe this drive could be a more regular thing?" she suggests, eyes on the windshield.

"Yeah?" She isn't certain, but she thinks she sees his grip tighten on the steering wheel out of the corner of her eye. "I wouldn't mind that, actually. I mean - it would be a very  _boyfriend_ thing to do, wouldn't it? Driving my girlfriend to school everyday."

Lily lets out a short laugh. "It would." It wasn't her first consideration when she asked, admittedly, but he has a point. A reaction out of Petunia is a good bonus to go along with a more enjoyable drive. Fidgeting with the end of the sleeve of his jacket, she adds, "I'll pitch in for gas money, since… you know."

"Absolutely not. I'm your boyfriend -  _fake_ boyfriend. But still. You're not going to be paying for anything. Gas, food, movies. I've got you covered from now until…  _whenever."_

"That's not fair. It was  _my_ idea and  _my_ sister."

Suddenly, as they turn into the school, Lily feels very conscious of the fact that she's sitting in one of the nicest cars in the student parking lot. She remembers that she's wearing a football shirt from freshman year under her sweater and has a hole in one of the pockets of her backpack. For the first time since she sat down, Lily feels a little out of place.

"You really don't have to do that." She puts his phone in the cup holder and tugs her bag onto her lap.

"Of course, I do," he says, shooting her a sideways glance. "Listen, your sister isn't going to believe that we're actually dating if you're buying your own movie ticket and popcorn whenever we go out. I promise not to go overboard on dates, if it'll make you feel better."

"James, you don't -"

"Besides," he continues, cutting her off, "I live right next door. It makes sense for us to ride to school together. We're going to the same place anyway."

"Okay, okay," she answers, knowing how to take an out when it's given to her. Bickering with him may be fun, but money is one conversation she'll avoid when possible. She offered, so that's all she can really do.

After they pull into his parking space, Lily undoes her seat belt and turns to face him. "You'll tell me if it's too much, won't you?"

"Evans," he says, parking his car and grinning like an absolute maniac. "If I show up in a hot air balloon, offering you more flowers than the botanical gardens has to offer, then you'll  _know_ it's too much."

Lily shoves his shoulder but feels some of the tight feeling in her stomach fade. "Obviously too much. Especially since you know I'm afraid of heights." Taking a deep breath, she looks toward the school building in front of them. "Ready, boyfriend?"

James is looking at her when she turns back to him, and she wonders how he could possibly look as calm as he does.

"Ready, girlfriend."

* * *

James is freaking out.

And not for all the  _normal_ reasons a boy his age should be freaking out. He isn't embarrassed that his secret Swift obsession was nearly discovered. He isn't even ashamed over the fact that he's walking into Civic Responsibility five minutes early with Lily Evans walking directly beside him instead of trailing in right as the tardy bell is ringing.

He's freaking out over the fact that she smells of cinnamon and honey and it's  _intoxicating._

This is a horrible,  _horrible_ idea that he should have never agreed to. How is he supposed to go all the way until Prom having to remind himself not to lean over and smell her hair?

Only a creep would lean over and smell a girls hair, and he doesn't want to be labeled as such.

But he's basically invited her to live within his personal bubble for the next several months, and now he's going to be living in unattainable cinnamon and honey hell.

If he doesn't pull this  _completely_ idiotic plan off, he's going to go the rest of his life catching random whiffs of the essence of Lily Evans and reminding himself of what a complete and utter disaster he is as a human being.

Although, he's probably being a bit dramatic.

Okay, more than just a bit. He really ought to get a crown by the end of this strictly for being a drama queen.

He shakes his head.

He shouldn't even be focused on his dramatics and the possibility of losing his own private bet with himself on the  _first day_ of fake dating. What he should be focusing on is the fact that he's standing like an idiot in front of the desk next to his best mate while Lily is turning to go to her normal spot in the back where  _Benjy Fenwick_ sits next to her.

Now, in order to understand the true travesty of the situation, James must digress to a party that took place at the end of the eighth grade. During said party, at his  _own house,_ mind you, Fenwick had the audacity to suggest a game of Spin the Bottle.

Which James had been fine to indulge in for strictly selfish motives in the form of a red headed girl that sat across from him in the circle.

He had been fine, really.

Right up until the moment that the empty Orange Crush bottle landed on one Lily Evans, and he was forced to watch her blink in surprise as Fenwick leaned across the circle to press a kiss that lasted exactly seven seconds on her lips in slow motion.

Now, James must be clear that Lily is, in fact, allowed to kiss and have feelings for whoever she may choose. He  _is_ jealous when it comes to her. Extremely, on some occasions. But what he isn't, is one of those possessive guys who lays dibs on a girl.

But what killed him more than the kiss, more than the way Fenwick looked at her when he sat back down in his spot, and even more than the shy smile on Lily's lips, was the fact that  _that_ kiss happened only a week after  _the incident,_ as James dramatically calls it inside his own head.

James refuses to digress on that particular situation at this particular moment, thank you very much. So unless you're Sirius Black at three in the morning, you won't be hearing much from him about it.

While he refuses to acknowledge his motives, he doesn't allow that to stop him from nearly waking the dozing Peter Pettigrew to his right when he shouts. " _Oi! Evans!_ Get back here! Let's sit together!"

Lily turns at that. Practically the whole class does too, with their heads up but eyes diverted in the way that people do to act like they aren't really paying attention. James is positive, however, that everyone in the room is waiting for what happens next. The uncharacteristic silence of a dozen teenagers before the bell tells him as much.

Lily, for her part, doesn't act like his sudden outburst phases her.

"Okay, James," she answers, showing off a smile like she's been practicing it in the mirror. "Tell Black to move over." She looks at Fenwick again, shrugs her shoulders, and collects her books to meet him by his desk.

James, only prone to being told what to do by his mother and Lily Evans, does as he's told.

"Move over," he says, this time with less volume.

Sirius is frozen, his head swiveling between James and Lily as though he can't quite comprehend what's going on.

"Please," says James again, aware that the corner of every pair of eyes remains on him. "Frank needs a desk partner. Or even Remus."

"Why do I have to move?" Sirius questions, his eyes narrowing. "You've never cared about Evans sitting with you before."

"That's not true." James is certain that a tint of red must be peeking through his sun-kissed skin. "And besides, I want to sit with Lily today."

" _Why?"_

"Because -"

James isn't sure  _what_ to say exactly. They hadn't actually worked out a way of announcing to the student body their… arrangement. He isn't sure what he was thinking by nearly addressing the whole class. Before he can further dig himself a hole, Lily tosses him a verbal shovel.

"Because  _boyfriends_  like to sit with their  _girlfriends,_  Sirius."

There's a moment of silence that passes in which the only sound is the squeak of a somehow still-sleeping Peter. Everyone is full out staring now, but James can't find himself to mind.

Not with the way Lily is practically beaming at him after stating that she is his  _(fake)_ girlfriend. Though it may be for show and not even a little bit real, James can't help himself from beaming back at her before turning back to a gawking Sirius.

"Yeah," says James, dropping his backpack down and sliding into his seat. "Boyfriends and girlfriends like to sit together, and we'd very much like to keep that tradition going."

"But you're - you're not  _dating_ Evans," Sirius practically spits.

"Of course, I am."

"No, you're  _not._ Because you would have told me if you were. You wouldn't have been able to shut up about it."

"C'mon, Sirius. You've had James since Christmas," Lily interjects, shifting her books to her other arm and nearly  _pouting_. "Can't I have one class?"

"Of course, you can. You're making Lily wait, Sirius," says James, shoving Sirius out of his seat. "It's rude."

Sirius is saved from falling flat on his ass by colliding with the adjacent desk, and the class breaks out into laughter. Sirius looks as though he's about to protest, his face red, but then he shoots James a look that clearly means  _we'll talk later._

Thankfully, Lily slides into the seat next him and it's all cinnamon and honey again.

She puts her books away as if the whole class isn't looking at them over their phones and leans her chin on her hand, looking over at him. "That went well."

"It went  _brilliantly_ well," grins James, ignoring the bird that is being thrown in his direction from Sirius as he storms to the back of the room. "Completely without a hitch. I don't think anyone noticed a  _thing."_

"Maybe warn your bodyguard next time," she adds, gesturing over her shoulder with her thumb to the general direction where Sirius moved. "It looked like he was going to -"

She's interrupted by the bell signalling the start of class and Ms. McGonagall entering the room. Lily turns to the front of the room and James follows after a short pause.

"Put that away, Mr. Black," McGonagall instructs, managing to draw the attention of the whole class in the way few teachers can do. "We'll be making our semester groups today and dividing up volunteer assignments throughout the school. They'll cycle, so everyone will get a chance to try everything. You may all begin."

James has to stop himself from bouncing up and down in his seat, something he knows used to annoy Lily back when they were in middle school. Civic Responsibility is his favorite class because it's mostly made up of projects that keep him busy  _outside_ of class. It's rather like skipping without actually having to get into trouble.

Normally, before fake dating and before he and Lily actually shared the same space in school, he would pair off with Sirius for volunteer assignments around the school, managing to snag the slots where they could "help" Coach Hooch manage the sports equipment. In other words, it's a free lounging around period in the weight room.

But now it's different.

Now he (sort of) has Lily, and he's an anxious for the two of them to be paired together doing whatever it is that Lily normally signs up for during individual assignments.

He's bouncing before he can stop himself.

"We can pair up and -" Lily breaks off, casting him a skeptical look. "Are you okay?"

"What?" he asks, stopping his bouncing as though he hadn't been aware of it. "Yeah, of course. Do you want to? Pair up… with me, I mean?"

Lily looks at him for a moment as if she's debating what to say next. "You sure? You used to do that when…" She shakes her head and the confused expression disappears. "Yeah, I want to pair up. But I'm not hanging out in the gym every day."

"Yeah, no," says James, thinking of all the guys who would be all too happy to have  _Lily Evans_ watching them lift weights. "Let's do something else. What do you normally sign up for?"

Shrugging, Lily looks up toward the front of the room, where McGonagall has started writing some places on the board. "Whatever looks interesting or I try to take some pictures for yearbook. Maybe the library?"

 _The library._ James has to stop himself from wrinkling his nose is disgust. He's not particularly fond of the library. Or, moreover, Ms. Pince isn't fond of  _him._ She hasn't been since the incident where he had been hiding behind a cart of books, waiting to startle Sirius, but jumped out at Pince instead. She threatened to write him up for " _providing an unsafe and hazardous learning environment for his peers."_

Really, he wouldn't even know where the place was if Mr. Binns hadn't spent a majority of last year pawning them off on "research projects" in the blasted place.

But if Lily knew about all of that, she would either scold him or laugh.

He doesn't want either of those things right now.

So instead, he says, "Sure, sounds good."

"Restocking books isn't so hard," Lily replies and stands, gathering her things. James hurries to follow her, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

Taking a step toward the board, she turns back to him quickly, makes a decision, and glances around the room. Suddenly, she shoves her books out slightly toward him. "Are you supposed to carry my, um…"

"Oh," he says, blinking.  _Idiot._ Of  _course,_ he should carry her books, he chides himself, taking them quickly and nearly dropping one. "Yeah, let me take these for you."

"Thanks, James," she replies, loud enough for most of the class to hear.

They shuffle to get to the front of the room while stepping over people's bags and trying to stay close without actually touching. When they make it, Lily adds their names to the board in looping handwriting.

With a plus sign between them.

"Excellent," beams James. She might as well have drawn little hearts around their names, the way his own heart is beating wildly.

Maybe he'll do that later. At home. Locked in his closet. Just to see what it looks like.

That is, if he survives the rest of the day as Lily's fake boyfriend.

* * *

All teenage girls feel like people are constantly staring at them.

Right?

Lily felt the bored attention of her fellow students when she walked across a stage to accept the Science award at the end of middle school. When she came into freshman year with a pimple that wouldn't let itself be hidden by any amount of concealer, she thought everyone noticed instantly. On days when she feels too tall or too big or too  _wrong_ , it's like everyone else knows that it's one of those days too.

But that doesn't mean they actually  _are_ always looking at her.

Today, she knows, is different. She did think a bit about how her plan might make people look at her, but thinking about it couldn't prepare her for the feeling. Imagining a dozen pairs of eyes following her into every class is one thing. Thinking carefully about her outfit and how to wear her hair in anticipation of extra attention is another.

Actually feeling eyes on her when she does perfectly normal things is something else entirely.

Lily knew they might draw attention to themselves, but she was starting to think that she was inflating everything in her head. Surely people couldn't care  _so much_  that two people announced they were dating in first period.

Or maybe they could.

When a conversation immediately ends as soon as she finds her seat near a few other girls in AP Government, Lily knows the story has already spread. What else could they be talking about that demands silence when she enters the room?

She takes out her notebook (which James carefully passed back to her by her locker before disappearing down the hall to his next class) and puts it on her desk like nothing has changed.

Until Hestia leans over and loudly stage-whispers, "Lily!"

"Yeah?" she answers, looking up from her desk and meeting the other girl's eyes.

"When did you and  _James Potter_  get together?"

Lily's blush is instant and genuine. Since she didn't prepare for these bits of their plan  _with_ James, she certainly didn't plan exactly how she's supposed to  _talk_ about him. "Over Christmas break." Staying vague is the best way to make sure no one tries to pick apart their story.

Satisfied, the other girl falls back in her seat with a content sigh. "How  _romantic_."

Luckily, the teacher starts talking about the electoral college before Lily has to come up with anything else to say.

By the middle of the day, Lily has a similar conversation with a girl by the sinks of the bathroom. She doesn't know exactly what to say and stumbles over her words, but the girl bustles away, brimming with news about the newest high school couple.

Between classes, Hannah Holiday drops by her locker and says she wants to chat, even if they haven't really spoken since a middle school birthday party. Hannah tells her a few times that it's  _so great_ that Lily and James are hanging out, but Lily doesn't hold back when she adds that, actually, they're not just hanging out because he's her  _boyfriend._

She makes a mental note to recount the look on Hannah's face to Mary later.

Lunch is the first time she and Mary really get a proper chance to talk, and Lily knows that she has to be practically bursting with questions. Her friend stays close on her heels, even after they're through the line to buy lunch, but she has the decency not to ask when they're surrounded by so many people. Mary's need to appear like she knows everything about her best friend beats her curiosity.

This time, anyway.

Now, Lily has to find a way to keep her occupied so she doesn't have to come up with more answers that she doesn't know to questions Mary has been thinking about all morning.

When Lily looks out at the cafeteria, the obvious solution appears like a flashing sign.

"Let's sit with James," Lily suggests, looking over her shoulder to her friend.

Mary looks at her for a beat. "We never sit with Potter and his friends."

So, she's decided to play the game where nothing is true unless Lily has specifically told her. Maybe she should have sent a text over break. That's probably what James'  _real_ girlfriend would have done.

Lily shrugs, trying to keep her expression neutral. "Things change."

Then, before Mary can slip in a question, she finds James' wild hair in the crowd and heads that way. She slides her tray into the (thankfully) empty seat beside him and pauses.

How are girls supposed to greet their boyfriends?

Mary beats her to the punch and covers up her hesitation. No matter how nosey she is, she knows how to save a girl when she needs it.

"Hello, boys," Mary greets, sitting across the table from Lily with her own tray.

Lily settles for putting her hand on James' arm. "Hey. I missed you," she says quietly with a smile in her voice.

That's a thing girlfriends say… Isn't it?

"Hey," he says, grinning right back at her as though she said the  _exact_ right thing. "You won't  _believe_ how long that last period seemed without you."

There's a reason so many girls talk about James Potter's grin. It's impossible not to melt a little under its full power. Lily isn't one to swoon over pictures in magazines, but she might do it more often if all of the boys smiled like  _that_.

If her heart rate picks up a bit, that's just part of this whole thing.

"Only half as long as my period away from  _you_ ," she answers, squeezing his arm and leaning a little closer.

Mary clears her throat, causing Lily to jump away from James. She glares across the table at her friend, who innocently eats a french fry.

Maybe it was a  _little_  much.

"How was everyone's break?" Lily asks, settling into her seat and looking around the table to avoid Mary's expression.

"Great," says Sirius, taking an angry bite out of his wheat roll. "Very  _Lily free._ Surprisingly, since you two are  _dating_ or whatever."

" _Sirius,"_ hisses James under his breath. "Cut it out. I told you that we'd talk about this at home."

"And I told you -"

"Lily!" Remus nearly shouts, cutting Sirius off in the process. "How is yearbook going? Band has a show coming up. I don't know if you have anyone to cover it yet."

"It's good, Remus," Lily answers, doing her best to ignore Sirius and the new color on her cheeks. "Mary's a great editor and -"

"We have one of the sophomores covering the band concert, since Lily will be too busy with all the games as  _sports editor_ ," Mary cuts in, brandishing her fork in a way that's a little worrying in the close quarters of a school cafeteria. "Who knew I was such a matchmaker? I hope they don't get  _too_   _distracted_  and capture some good moments for the book."

It's official. Lily has the most ridiculous, over the top, absolutely wonderful best friend in the whole world.

If letting Mary take credit for their relationship can save her, she'll happily give her friend the ego boost. Lily will take back all of her internal cursing about her friend's inability to deal with not knowing something. Mary has a talent for dramatics, but unlike with Petunia, they're almost always for the sake of  _saving_  Lily.

"We'll be good," Lily promises, facing James again. She hopes it looks like she can't take her eyes off him rather than a way to avoid Sirius' gaze. Still feeling the tension of his previous comments, Lily puts her hand over James' on top of the table. "Won't we?"

Lily thinks for a moment that James has stopped breathing with how still he's gone, but in the next moment he jolts to life, his hand twitching like mad underneath hers, and knocking over his milk carton.

" _Fuck,"_ he curses as milk splashes them both, causing Lily to gasp. "Shit, Lily! I'm so sorry! I don't know what happened."

"It's okay, it's okay," she answers automatically. She pulls on her sweater to see the damage and tries to avoid the worst of the spill. "I can -"

Somehow, she can still hear Sirius' hardly contained snort of laughter over the chaos of a few hundred teenagers eating lunch and the unexpected dilemma of milk on her new sweater. She looks over at him and something in her hardens determinedly.

Commitment is key.

"It's okay," she repeats, as if Sirius didn't make any noise. She pulls her sweater off, dropping it onto the empty seat beside her. Her t-shirt is faded from repeated washing, but she's glad it's for their football team, the one that James led to playoffs last semester. It can only help her. A heavy hand is needed to make sure that no one can doubt them. Not even James' best friend.

Lily settles back into her seat, nudges James with her elbow, and tries to imitate the way girls look at boys in those high school television dramas she secretly likes to watch with Petunia. "You'll have to keep me warm to make up for it."

Sirius is looking at her with hardened eyes.

He's bought it.

Check mate.

"I can do that." James grins, shrugging off his hoodie and handing it to her. "Why don't you take this, though, for now? Your, uh, your shirt is very wet."

She takes it from him and pulls it on. "Thanks, James." It smells like peppermint and the same familiar scent she's gotten used to since he gave her his Letterman jacket on Christmas Eve.

She could definitely get used to this business of wearing his clothes.

"Well, my break was great," Mary adds after a moment, never being one for silences.

Mary launches into a story of a bad date that she told Lily about over the phone a few days ago and has since decided is one of the funniest things that's ever happened to her. Poor Remus nods along as she gestures wildly with her silverware.

Lily takes the opportunity for what it is - time where she can actually eat her lunch and not worry about the implications of her every move.

They've done pretty well today, she thinks. A shared class, answering questions from some prying classmates (at least on her end), and now lunch. The number of people asking her about  _them_  already shows that they must think there's some way it could be true.

In a few days, some version of it will be school fact.

Although, their friends will always be the hardest to fool. Lily might have won this round, but Sirius is more perceptive about everything to do with James than any person has the right to be.

Perhaps she should have found a way to talk to him over break, but there's nothing they can do about that now. They need time to discuss to make sure they're on the same page and not giving Sirius any reason to doubt them.

She can't deny that it's already fun, and they haven't really broken the news to Petunia yet. Encounters with her sister always benefit from having a plan, she's found, so they need to settle things sooner rather than later.

"I'll meet you by your locker after the last bell?" Lily asks, trying to communicate in her tone that they've already discussed this, even though she knows they haven't.

Maybe she'll let  _him_  reach for her hand next time.

* * *

James has no idea what any of his lessons were on today.

His whole brain has been clouded with thoughts of Lily Evans, causing him to walk around in a haze. And then, of course, to top it all off, he had gone and  _spilled milk_ all over his fake girlfriend in front of nearly everyone in what would go down in history - or at least inside his own mind - as the most  _un-swoon worthy_ action of all time.

_Honestly._

It's as though he's never shared a meal with the girl. Which he  _has_ done. Loads of times. Since before either of them can remember. He's willing to bet that he made less of an ass out of himself in front of her at three years old while covered in Cheetos than he did today.

But it doesn't matter now.

He's got to pull himself together and somehow look as though he  _hasn't_ been thinking of her and only her for the entirety of the day before she shows up at his locker, where he's currently displacing his books.

But it's hard  _not_ to look like a fool in front of her when he shuts his locker door and finds her standing there.

And he lets out  _another_ high pitched scream that echoes down the hallway.

"Christ, Lily," he hisses, his back smacking loudly against the locker doors. "Again! How are you managing to sneak up on me like that?"

"I didn't mean to!" she answers, looking at least a  _little_ remorseful. Or maybe she's just worried he's going to spill something on her again. "I told you I was coming. I thought we should, um, talk." She shrugs one shoulder and shows him that half-smile she does when she thinks she's about to say something funny. "Since getting covered in milk is only fun once."

"Oh, God. Are you fake breaking up with me?" questions James, half joking, half actually fearing that's the reason.

"No!" Lily glances behind her and back to him. "Nothing like that. I just think we should talk about the day. And us." Her smile is brighter now. "Only good things."

"Okay, yeah," says James, relieved. He's still got his back still against the lockers, he realizes, and quickly pushes himself off of them, running a hand through his hair. "Where do you want to talk?"

She considers the question, but only for a beat or two. "Somewhere private?"

James grins. "Come on, I know just the place."

* * *

Lily hasn't been in the Potter house without Christmas decorations for years.

It's been even longer since she's been in James'  _room_. Even though Mr. and Mrs. Potter aren't home and James says it's fine, it still feels like sneaking around when they skip the living room and go straight upstairs.

Years ago, she would have bounded up the stairs and surprised James when she jumped on his bed with a master plan for the day. More than once, she nearly knocked him off the mattress. His house - and his room, especially - were safe hideouts away from her sister.

Now, she pauses at the doorway to his room like she's a vampire who needs to be invited.

It gives her time to survey the room, seeing the passage of time in additions to and subtractions from the space. Although she can see some changes, it's still James' room. The walls are the same color, the furniture has barely moved, and there's still a few of the same posters on the walls.

"You took down the Marauder Oath," Lily notes, pointing to the place over his desk where an old paper signed by James, Sirius, and Lily used to be tacked to the wall.

"What?" James blinks in confusion, tossing his backpack on the ground. "Oh, yeah. That old thing. I think it actually fell apart."

She doesn't comment on what else fell apart since then, but she does take a step into the room and drop her bag by the door. Since this year's Christmas Eve dinner, talking to James has been easy. Why is she letting his bedroom get to her?

Lily forces her shoulders down and looks around slowly. If she acts like things are normal, they'll  _become_  normal.

"Still keep your shirts in the second drawer?" Lily asks as she crosses the room to his dresser and tugs on the handle. "I'll be able to think straight when I don't smell like milk anymore."

"Yeah, the ones from middle school should be folded up on the bottom of the drawer," says James, rubbing the back of his neck. "They should be smaller since they're from… before."

 _Before_ being when they had too many inside jokes to count and James didn't spend all of his time at practice, building the muscles that make girls in their school swoon. Before James started outgrowing his shirts and the shared memories that go along with them.

Digging through the drawer for a few seconds instead of grabbing the first thing she sees is worth it when she finds a shirt from a trip they took in sixth grade to the zoo. She knows she has the same shirt - smiling giraffe and all - buried somewhere in her own closet. The thought makes her smile. Any reminder of what they used to be reminds her of why she picked him to do this.

"Can you turn around?" she asks, pulling herself out of years-old memories.

"Wh - what?" stutters James, his eyes going wide behind his glasses.

"So I can change?"

"Oh," says James, pivoting helplessly. " _Oh._ Yeah, I mean, of course. Let me just… I mean, I guess this wall will do just fine to, um, look at."

Lily watches in amusement as James runs, nearly tugs, really, a hand through his hair as he stands with his nose practically in the corner as though he's a child being punished, the back of his neck sporting a bright patch of red.

For safety, she also turns so she's looking at the door and not him when she drops his sweatshirt from her shoulders. Lily pulls her own shirt over her head and stuffs it in her bag. She puts on James' dry shirt and spins back around.

"It's safe," Lily announces, bending over to pick up his sweatshirt from the floor and offering it to him. "You probably want this back. If I'm not careful, I might have half of your wardrobe pretty soon."

"That's okay. My clothes look better on you anyway. I mean…" James is still facing the wall, his head slightly pressed against it, either unable or unwilling to look at her. Lily wonders if she's broken him somehow. "I've said ' _I mean'_ like a billion times today, and I'm still not exactly sure what I mean."

"That's okay. I mean -" She internally winces. "Thanks." Lily feels herself blush. James Potter probably gets away with so much because he's impossibly cute when he's flustered.

At least she's not the only one who feels a little lost.

"We said we would talk, right?" she says, bringing them back to the intended subject of their conversation. "Let's talk."

Next, it's just the matter of figuring out where to sit. She doesn't think this is like when they were in elementary school and she could lay next to him in his bed on her stomach. Somewhere between middle school and now, that line has been marked on the ground and she doesn't feel quite ready to cross it.

Plus, she already closed the door and took off her shirt in James' room. She doesn't want Mrs. Potter to have an even  _bigger_  reason to disapprove of her.

She settles for his desk chair.

"I thought we should make a plan," Lily explains, pulling her legs up onto the chair with her. "Set out our… expectations. Make sure we're on the same page."

"A plan," repeats James, throwing himself down on the bed. "Normally, I just wing things."

"Sirius might be too smart for that. He's already suspicious of me. We can't let him know that we're…" She struggles for a moment with the right word to use. "He has to think it's real. Like everyone else."

"Sirius and smart are not two words I would normally put together in a sentence," sighs James, stretching his arms above his head. Lily tries to avert her eyes from his briefly exposed stomach. "But he  _is_  getting awfully suspicious. He'd probably be grilling me right now if he didn't have to take Remus home from band practice. So you're probably right." He grins. "As usual."

"Well, thinking I'm right is a good start to our  _relationship_ ," she answers, mirroring his grin. Lily sits up. "So. How do I be your girlfriend?"

"Um," says James, raising himself up on his elbows to look at her. "I'm not really sure. To be honest, I haven't had a lot of…  _experience_ when it comes to dating. I'm not even sure how to be your boyfriend."

His confession takes her by surprise. Frequent rumors that make their way around the school made Lily think that he vastly outpaced her when it came to dating. Enough girls  _want_  to date him, so maybe it's been by choice.

And he agreed to this anyway.

Lily tells the butterflies in her stomach to stop fluttering furiously.

"Neither do I," she admits. "Have experience, I mean." The confession of her own is easier after he gives his first. "I don't know how to be a girlfriend. Maybe we should decide what we… do. Some kind of agreement, so we know what to expect from each other."

"Like a contract?" he asks. "Like, 'James will drive Lily to school every morning' type of thing?"

"Yes," Lily replies gratefully. "Like that. Driving me to school, asking me to Prom, and… whatever you think I should do."

"I feel weird giving you a list of demands, basically," says James, ruffling his hair. Again. Lily wonders how often he does that now, since he never used to when they were kids.

"They aren't demands. They are ways we can  _act_ like boyfriend and girlfriend so people think we  _are_  boyfriend and girlfriend."

He pauses for a moment, thinking. "I guess I wouldn't mind having lunch together. We have the same lunch everyday, anyway."

Lily nods and ticks off the list on her fingers. "Rides to school. Prom. Lunch." She grabs a notebook and pen from his desk, flipping it open to a middle page. "I'll write it down." For a few seconds, the only sound is the faint scratching of pen on paper.

When she looks up to bring up something that's been floating in the back of her mind, she tries to keep her tone unaffected. "What do you think about… kissing?"

" _Kissing?"_ squeaks James before clearing his throat and speaking at a volume that's much lower than his normal tone. "I mean, kissing. Yeah. It's something that boyfriends and girlfriends tend to do _._ And it would help us look convincing. If - if  _you're_ okay with it. That is."

"I think we should." Maintaining eye contact is getting harder, but she makes herself do it. "I mean, who is going to believe us if we don't? But do we need to talk about it? Are there rules?"

"Well, I've only ever been kissed a handful of times." He's rubbing the back of his neck again. She remembers  _that_ from when they were kids.

He's nervous.

"They were under a bit more… natural circumstances than this. I guess considering  _everything,_ we might want to set some rules. Just to make sure there aren't lines that we don't want crossed. Like, if you wanted to save some stuff for a  _real_ boyfriend. I mean, not saying that I think you haven't kissed anyone! Since… you know." He blinks. Again. "Have you?"

She doesn't give herself time to think about those  _natural circumstances_  or how it didn't even occur to her to  _save some stuff_  for someone else. Instead, she averts her eyes and starts picking at her thumb cuticle. If he still remembers her like she remembers him, he can probably tell that she's nervous too. "Right. Rules. I haven't… Not since…"

He knows exactly when her last real kiss was.

Even though he clearly didn't know it was her last real kiss.

She isn't quite confident enough to make the joke convincing, but she tries. "You don't have to worry. I won't know if you do it wrong."

"I'm more concerned about you not wanting me to do it at all, to be perfectly honest." He's sitting up now, his normal hint of mischief missing from his eyes when she glances up at him. "Even though it's a normal boyfriend-girlfriend thing to do. This isn't a  _normal_ relationship, and I don't want you to have to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

"No," she answers, forcing her eyes up from her hands again to meet his. "I want you to. I mean, as long as  _you_ want to." Seeing his serious expression pulls her back.

She choose James for a reason. They're talking about this. It's okay.

"How about this?" she offers. "Cheeks and foreheads are fair game, but we'll ask before anything else. Until we figure it out, anyway."

James nods. "That's fair. That way nobody gets uncomfortable. But I'm going to warn you, Evans, I give  _amazing_ forehead kisses."

She can't help but laugh. It loosens the tension held in her body and prompts her to drop her feet to the floor. "Good to know. Well, that part's settled." She writes done their agreement and taps the pencil against the page. "I also think we should pass notes between classes. And I can text you before bed."

"Okay, and I can send you good morning texts," he agrees readily. "Anything particular you want me to write you about? I'm assuming Mary will snoop, so we have to stay on top of our game." The spark of mischief finds its place in his eyes again. "Oh my God. I can write some pathetic poems about my love for you."

"As long as they're  _believable_ ," she answers, writing everything down and feeling like a kid in a candy shop who was given permission to fill their bag. They're going to have  _fun._ "I'll add some things for Sirius' benefit too."

Another idea comes to her, and she can barely contain herself. "You have to come over for dinner sometimes. To show Petunia."

"That's brilliant," he says, grinning so broadly she can nearly see all his teeth. "I'll be the perfect, doting boyfriend. Charm the socks off your mother and, in the process, completely put  _Vermin_ to shame."

That's exactly what she wants him to do, and she almost wants to hug him for being the person to mention it explicitly.

"Careful, Potter, or you'll sweep me off my feet." Lily knows her grin has to be matching his, but she doesn't want to hide it. "Anything else?"

"Are we in love?"

She stops short, her grin momentarily falling. "What do you mean?"

"Love," he repeats so seriously, so simply, as though she must have misheard him. "You know how high school relationships are. People fall in love every two seconds. Are we one of those couples? You know Sirius, and I'm sure Mary, will want to know. Do you love me, Evans?"

Lily looks away from him and across the room. Her throat tightens unexpectedly, so she focuses on the football poster that has been on the wall since she gave it to him as a birthday present years ago.

If she checked, Lily is sure she could find other little traces of her across the room. Shiny rocks they collected to use like money or small presents from several years of Christmases and birthdays. She knows reminders of him are still in her bedroom. A drawing hidden in her memory box. An old photo album her mother put together back when she paid more attention.

Perhaps she didn't know how large the gap in her heart was until she was closer to closing it.

"Maybe," Lily replies, looking back at him, voice quiet. "Though we're not saying it yet. It's too early. But I think… I think I will."

James nods seriously. "Okay, how about this… you're nearly there, but I'm totally already in love. But neither of us have said anything to the other," says James, taking the notebook from her and quickly writing down something she can't entirely see. He's left handed, and the way he writes - hunched over and in chicken scratch - used to be something she made fun of when they were kids.

"Here," he says, handing the notebook back to her.

 _James loves Lily,_ it reads.

She doesn't dare to look up from the page - not when her heart is committing itself to a mission of beating out of her chest. It's all part of the plan, part of what  _she_ asked for, but it feels like something torn straight from one of those movies that are too perfect to be real.

Lily holds out her hand for the pen and adds,  _Lily will love James_.

Tilting the notebook toward him, she looks over for his approval. "Okay? We can always add more."

"Sounds good. I'm sure there are things we aren't even thinking of right now, so one of us may need to keep ahold of this notebook," he says, and then looks at the digital clock on his nightstand. "Jesus, we've been at this for a while. It's almost dinner time. My parents should be home soon."

"I'll take it to keep it away from Sirius," Lily suggests. "And get out of here before you get in trouble for having a girl in your room with the door closed." She stands, crossing her arms to hold the notebook to her chest. "I'll meet you tomorrow morning for a ride?"

"I'll pick you up, pull into your driveway, and blow my horn just to piss Petunia off," he says, standing. He's so tall. She nearly has to crane her neck to look up at him.

"Perfect," she agrees and steps backward toward his door. Lily pauses long enough to grab her backpack and slings it over her shoulder. "I'll bring breakfast."

"Excellent. And Lily?" Her name causes her to freeze with her hand on the doorknob. She's about to ask him what he needs when she notices how close he's gotten. A breath hitches in her throat and it tastes like peppermint.

Then he's cupping her face, his hand steady and not at all trembling like hers is against his doorknob. His lips brush gently across her creased forehead, as though she might break if he presses any further.

But it doesn't matter, she thinks.

It lasts no longer than three seconds, but she's already crumbling.

When he pulls away, he's still cupping her face.

"Good night," he says, his voice huskier than she's ever heard it.

"Good night," Lily echoes, feeling like her brain decided to take a vacation in the space of a few seconds. It's floating somewhere above her when she turns to flee down the stairs before she can do anything reckless.

James is right about something.

He gives  _amazing_ forehead kisses.


	3. Sparks Fly

_“You find I’m even better than you imagined I would be.”_

\--

They say it takes thirty days to form a new habit or routine. Whoever theyactually are, James doesn’t have a clue. He wishes he did, though, so he could tell them that they’re wrong. At least, when it comes to James Potter and Lily Evans, they’re completely wrong. 

Five days. That’s all it takes for them to fall into an easy, straight and narrow routine. 

Sure, it had been a bit of a rocky start. But today, Friday, the fifth day, finds James feeling a sense of ease and confidence as he stands outside of the Evans’ house, his hand laying down on the horn in a most obnoxious way. 

It’s only the fact that Ms. Evans has already gone to work and isn’t home that James allows himself to fall into such childish temptation. Petunia, who is taking classes at the local community college, doesn’t have to be in class until nearly lunch, and part of James’ new routine involves an early wake up call for _both_ Evans girls. 

One who is expecting it, one who isn’t. 

It takes nearly ten seconds of the horn blaring for a face to pop into view from the upstairs window, and James doesn’t need to hear what Petunia is saying to know that she’s absolutely cursing him. Her hair is pinned up in curlers, and she’s wearing a night top in such a harsh shade of pink that it makes her look sick, hands banging angrily on the glass. And this… _this_ is James’ second favorite part of the morning. 

His most favorite thing - the thing that makes James’ chest nearly explode with hope - happens in the next second. The front door springs open and out bounds Lily, running toward him at such a speed that if James had been any smallershe would topple him over with the force at which she collides with him. Instead, he catches her with ease. As though he had been expecting it, because, well, _he has._

This is their new morning routine. 

Morning hugs where her feet are dangling off the ground, an irate Petunia shrieking at them from above, and everything cinnamon and honey mixed in with a little bit of peppermint.

And, _fuck him,_ he loves it. 

“Good morning,” he greets, holding her tightly and spinning around as she squeals with laughter. Which is another best part of the morning, because the laughter is real and not just for show for her sister. Petunia can’t hear it behind her closed window, but the sound of it fills James’ ears, making his chest swell. 

“Good morning to you,” Lily answers, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet once he puts her down. Quickly, she tilts her chin up, and moves onto her toes to kiss his cheek. She looks back at the house, giving a wave in the direction of her sister’s window, and turns back, grinning. “Ready to go?”

“Of course. But first,” he says, placing two fingers underneath her chin, and placing a kiss on her forehead. “Once more for Petunia, who’s watching in the window.”

It’s overkill, he knows. She _just_ kissed him on the cheek and that’s enough to rile Petunia up, but he can’t help it. She’s a _blusher_ when he kisses her forehead, and he’s greedy for it. 

“For Petunia,” she repeats, though she doesn’t look back at the window and is still smiling. “Just so you know, we only had strawberry jelly left,butI found something to make up for it.” She holds up her bag of breakfast as evidence.

“Ooo,”he coos, raising his eyebrows in interest. “What’d you bring me, Evans?”

“Your childhood,” Lily replies, reaching into the bag and dramatically revealing a Capri Sun. She holds it out to him. “It’s safe. Leftovers from a debate tournament last semester. When I found them in the garage, it reminded me of that week when you refused to drink anything else.”

“Oh my God.” James laughs, snatching the drink from her hand and stabbing in the straw. He nearly punctures it all the way through like he did when they were kids, but manages not to. Just barely. “It’s grape too! My favorite. Did you know that grape flavor was purely accidental? Like, they didn’t even _mean_ to make it. My favorite flavor is basically _accident.”_

“Today I learned.” She looks particularly pleased with herself, even though she crosses her arms. “Now, let’s go. I’m cold, and who knows what rumor Sirius will start spreading if we’re late.”

“Probably that we’re off shagging in your closet or something,” says James, grinning. 

“Exactly my point.” 

He walks around to the passenger side, opening the door and bowing like a gentlemen. Something he _completely_ isn’t. But this is all fake, after all. “After you, my lady.”

Lily follows him and does an exaggerated curtsy. “Thank you, good sir.” She gets into the car, tossing her bookbag in the backseat with his. Without asking, she grabs his phone and starts tapping. “I added some good stuff to our playlist.”

“More Taylor?” he asks, sliding into his seat and buckling himself in. “Anything that struck you of your love for me while listening?”

The opening notes of _Our Song_ come from his speaker as Lily fumbles with his phone. “I thought I wasn’t in love quite yet. You’re the one who already jumped all in.”

“That’s right,” he says, nodding. “Madly, completely in love and you don’t have a clue.” 

“Eventually, I’ll have to figure it out, since me falling in love with you is in our agreement. But if you keep making Petunia angry, I might be in love with you before midterms.” 

“Alright, Evans,” he says, grinning. He knows her words are just for play, but he can’t seem to tell his heart that. “For my lady’s heart, I’ll gladly take on Petunia’s wrath.” 

“Okay, Potter. You’ve got yourself a deal.”

\--

It doesn't take long to be officially seen as James Potter's girlfriend.

In just a few days, nearly the entire school, including most of the teachers, knows that something has changed in the senior class. Lily notices the different people who talk to her and the different _way_ in which they talk to her. When she goes through the halls, the eyes don't feel as heavy on her shoulders as they did the first day, but Lily gets used to walking like people are always watching. 

By Friday, no one does a double take when Lily stops by James’ locker or puts her tray next to his at lunch. It only takes a few days of their new routine for most people to accept it.

No amount of rides to school or messages, however, seem to convince James’ best friend. When Sirius raises a brow at her, Lily makes an effort to kiss James’ cheek or give him a lovesick look.

They have a plan.

Mary does corner her on Wednesday and ask for an emergency friend session to get answers, but Lily insists that she has debate practice and homework. She’s happy to use the excuse to delay that conversation until she’s more ready for it, though, truthfully, she _does_ need to keep track of her time to do all of those things.

And have enough time to text James. It's quickly becoming one of her most frequent hobbies, if she can call it that. Lily will look up from a textbook to check one message and not return to her studies until she looks at the clock in disbelief some impossibly long time later and has to pull herself away from her phone.

The messages, she reminds herself, aren’t only for her benefit. She brings up a few of his better texts over dinner or while watching TV with Petunia. When she reads them, she’ll imitate the voices she hears on their favorite teen shows or dramatically fall back into their pillows. 

Lily tries to hide her grin when she sees Petunia pointedly look at her own phone.

The rest of the school doesn't see how she smiles when she gets a message from James, but they do see them interact throughout the day.

Luckily, it's easy to act like she loves James. He _makes_ it easy.

She doesn’t have to teach herself how to be happy to see him in the mornings or struggle to remember things about him. He’s interested in what she has to say and doesn’t make her feel silly when she gets excited. They listen to each other and always manage to laugh. 

It’s like she’s been missing a piece that is now falling back into place.

It’s only been a few days, and it really feels like they can do this.

“I've been thinking,” Lily says as she reshelves a book during their Civil Engagement assignment and consults the pile in her arm. “Does Sirius act this way about _all_ of your girlfriends? Or am I a special case?”

“Oh, um,” says James, looking slightly startled. He leans back against the bookshelf so casually, hands in his pockets, one foot propped up against the second shelf. Lily thinks he looks like one of the heartthrobs in the kinds of movies that are now study material for her. “He’s very… _protective,_ I guess is the word I’m looking for. Loyal. Almost like a dog.” 

She’s always known that. James was always Sirius’ person, the one he would defend against anything. He just didn’t usually have to protect James from _her_.

“I mean, it's nice that he cares so much,” Lily answers, forcing herself to look back at the shelf. “But is he especially loyal because it's _me_?” Lily turns her head toward him.

“No, _no.”_ There’s something in the way that he says it, the way that he ruffles his hair, that makes Lily suspect that he’s lying. “It’s not _just_ you. He’s never really approved of anyone I’ve been… _interested_ in.”

“How often have you - Nevermind. Is there something I can do?” 

“Nah,” says James, shrugging. “He just needs to see that we are, for completelack of a better word, mind you, _serious._ Give him some time. A couple more weeks, a couple dates, and he’ll get over it.”

Lily turns to face him fully, arms empty since she’s finished her current stack for reshelving. “I can make my texts more sickening, if that would help.” She puts a hand to her forehead and leans against the shelf behind her, as if she can't bear to stand on her own. “My life was absolutely incomplete without you, James Potter!”

“Ugh, God,get a room!” 

The voice appears from behind Lily, causing her to jump. When she turns, she isn’t surprised to see Sirius Black standing there, fake inducing vomiting at the pair of them. 

“We have a room, Sirius,” says James, rolling his eyes but never once moving from his stance. “We _had_ the whole library. Why are you here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be with Coach Hooch?” 

Without looking back at James, the few feet of the aisle between them suddenly seems far away. She can practically feel Sirius eyeing the distance and jumping to some conclusion. Lily takes a few steps back, moving to stand by James so their hips nearly touch. 

“She told me to go get her a tea from the teacher’s lounge,” responds Sirius, though his eyes remain on the (now significantly smaller) space between Lily and James. “I think she needed a break from me, honestly.”

James snorts. “Then why did you come _here?”_

“I wanted to see what you lovebirdswere up to and if you managed to get kicked out of here by Pince yet.” He picks up a comic, finallytaking his eyes off them, and Lily can breathe again. “So, what are you two up to, exactly?”

“Oh,” starts James, looking at Lily for help and shrugging. “Um -”

“Tonight,” she answers, determined to make sure Sirius doesn't see her flinch. For good measure, she puts her hand on James’ forearm, looking over at him and sliding her hand down to tangle their fingers together. “We were talking about tonight.”

“Tonight?” Sirius repeats, raising a skeptical brow.

“What _are_ we doing tonight?” Ignoring Sirius, Lily squeezes James’ hand and meets his eyes, widening her own in real and play curiosity. “You've kept it a secret all week.”

“Oh, yes, tonight!” James, thankfully, is always quick to catch on. Quick to adapt. Which is why he’s absolutely perfectto be her boyfriend. 

_Fake_ boyfriend, that is. 

“I thought we could go see that movie you’ve been talking about all week, darling.”

Although it _is_ fair to make her decide on the details when she puts him on the spot like that, she inwardly winces. Eventually, they’re going to have to come up with some back up plans so they aren’t always making things up as they go. If this week is any indication, they might have to get used to thinking on their feet. 

“Of course,” she says. “That sounds _lovely_ , James. That is, if I can concentrate when you're there.” Finding the line of being clear enough without going too overboard is something they’re working on with every conversation. Still, she can see something in his face that's probably reflected in hers - the game that is being _them_ in front of people.

She did tell him that it would be fun.

“I’ll try my best not to be distracting,” James says, reaching to tuck a stray hair behind her ear and letting his fingers linger. She’s not sure if it’s for Sirius’ benefit or her own. 

The breath that catches in her throat definitely thinks that it's for her.

“Ugh,” groans Sirius, throwing the comic back on the cart dramatically. “You two are pathetic. What movie are you _dying_ to see anyway, Evans?” 

Reluctantly, Lily looks away from James. “The new Avengers one. Isn't everyone dying to see it before the spoilers get posted everywhere?”

“Apparently,” Sirius answers, perking up and grinning like he's finally caught her. “Since Remus and I were going to see it too. I guess we'll see you there.”

Lily blinks. “I guess you will,” she replies automatically.

“Yeah,” says Sirius, crossing his arms. “I guess I will.”

“Unless _you_ decide to cancel, Black, or -”

“Oh my fucking - _okay,”_ says James, grabbing Lily by the shoulders and guiding her behind him, away from Sirius. “We get it! We’ll all be there!”

“Yeah,” snorts Sirius, peering around James’ broad shoulders and looking at Lily. “I guess we -”

**__**_“Sirius!”_ cries James. “Get the fuck out of here!” 

“Alright, alright,” says Sirius, grinning, though there’s something in his eyes that seems a bit… threatening. “See you later, Evans.” 

“ _Tonight_ , Black,” she emphasizes, a little too loudly for the library, sticking her head out from behind James’ shoulder to show that she isn’t using him as a shield. Even if that’s what he _wants_ her to do. 

Once the library door closes behind Sirius, Lily runs a hand through her hair and lets out her breath in a huff. She knew they would go on some dates, but she hadn’t really known that it would happen _tonight._

“I guess you’re taking me on a date.”

“Yeah,” he says with an exasperated laugh. “I guess so.”

\--

James’ hands are sweaty. His palms stick to the steering wheel, contrasting with the blistering cold outside. He should _not_ be nearly dying of heat stroke in January.

It would have been worse had his mother been able to manage wrestling him into the turtleneck sweater she bought him for Christmas, but James set his foot down about that. _“No one looks good in a turtleneck, mom!”_ He had scoffed. _“Not even me!”_

Lack of turtlenecks aside, James is still nearly sweating. 

His heat is going full blast, which _might_ have something to do with his state, but he knows it’s more likely the fact that he’s going on his first (fake) date with the redhead seated next to him. 

“I thought that we could go over some rules before we get there and have to see Sirius and Remus,” says James, willing himself not to miss the turn coming up. “You know. _Dating_ rules. For _actual_ dates.”

“Okay,” Lily agrees, leaning forward to turn down the music. “What are you thinking?”

“Normally, it wouldn’t be such a big deal that we’re going on a date.” _Liar._ “But with Sirius going too, he’s going to be watching our every move. And, well, I’ve never really _been_ on a date before.”

It’s only the fact that James is - and always has been - a cautious driver, hands always tightly placed at 10:00 and 2:00, that keeps him from ruffling a hand through his hair. 

“Well,” she says, “neither have I.” She links her hands together and sits back in the seat, looking through the windshield instead of at him. “So we’ll both be learning. Did you have a rule in mind?”

“Well,” he swallows, “we’ve covered me paying and stuff like that, but I think we should cover little things. Like, are we a couple that holds hands during the movies? Do we split a large popcorn or get two kids combos? Are you still a cherry coke slurpee drinker? Or… something else. Little things that Sirius would be suspicious of if I asked you when we got there. Things that a _boyfriend_ should know.”

“It _is_ our first date. We’re both still figuring everything out. But…” Lily pauses, thinking, before continuing. “We definitely hold hands - during the movie _and_ when we’re walking in. I’ll convince you to get a large popcorn to save money and give us an excuse to let Sirius see me touching your arm during the date.” She glances over at him and grins. “But I gave up the slurpees. Don’t you know those things are bad for you?”

An eternity seems to pass, and James feels as though he hardly knows Lily over something so minor. 

“What do you _mean_ you gave them up?” he asks, his voice raising an octave. They’ve pulled into the theater and the parking lot is crowded with cars, so it takes a moment for James to find a spot. “We used to share a large one every summer at the free movies they did for kids here!” 

“And no more soda,” she adds, still grinning and very amused by his reaction. “I had to give them up, or I’d have a breakout every morning. How could I be Prom Queen then?”

“That’s silly,” he snorts, pulling into a space towards the back and parking. “Your face always looks great.”

“Petunia might disagree with you on that.” It’s hard to tell in the dim car, but Lily tries to look away and she might be blushing. “You’re getting me those cookie dough bites I like, by the way. I’ll even kiss your cheek to thank you.”

“Petunia can suck an egg,” says James, wiping his hands on his jeans before turning towards Lily with a grin. “But you’ve got yourself a deal on the cookie dough bites, Evans. I’ll even snatch a few off of you. You know, like a good boyfriend would do.”

“Perfect. We’re going to make the best couple - fake or not.” Lily unclicks her seatbelt and pushes her door open at the same time as James. She stops for a few seconds to check her hair in the mirror and straightens. Once she gets to the front of his car, she holds out her hand. Wiggling her fingers expectantly, she peaks over her shoulder to him.

James grabs her hand, his fingers slipping into and molding against hers in a way that’s much more natural than a week ago. “Ready?” he asks, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand, certain that she likes it but pretends not to notice. 

Lily squeezes his hand. “Ready.”

\--

As discussed in the car, they hold hands during the short walk into the theater. The slow movement of James’ thumb on the back of her hand is an extra effort even before anyone could see them. But she isn’t complaining. 

Practicing all the time will only make them better when it matters, she tells herself. She vows not to add meaning to something that isn’t there.

For perhaps the first time in his life, Sirius manages to be more than on time and actually beats them to the theater. He’s talking animatedly to Remus when she spots them, gesturing wildly. As Lily could have guessed, Sirius’ eyes go immediately to their linked hands.

“We already got the tickets,” Remus offers, holding them up. 

“Thanks, man,” says James, taking two from him.

“Thanks,” Lily repeats. Before Sirius can take control of the conversation, Lily uses her grip on James to pull herself closer to his shoulder, tilting her chin back to look at him. She talks loudly enough for Sirius to hear her from a few feet away. “Let’s get snacks and get settled? I love watching the previews.” 

The next part is easy, just like things always used to be with James. He buys a cherry coke slurpee despite her half-serious, half-ridiculous protests. She talks him into splitting a popcorn with her to make herself feel less guilty about spending his money (even if she really does still feel guilty about that) but then channels her best inner Blair Waldorf to convince him to buy the candy he’s already promised her.

She seals the performance by moving onto her toes to kiss his cheek.

Standing with him is easy enough. They’ve had a week of practicing being near each other in different rooms of the high school, finding little ways to show that they’re _together_ without announcing it every few minutes. It’s how he takes both of their tickets and how she squeezes his hand when she wants to get his attention. 

Then they’re into the part of the night that she suddenly realizes they didn’t really talk about. The actual movie part and the film she’s apparently dying to see.

They’ve both been in movie theaters enough times to know what to do normally. They’ve both been in movie theaters with each other, even. But are movie theaters different on a date? Is what you do in them different?

Lily clings to what they talked about in the car and doesn’t let go of James’ hand. It’s only their first arranged date, she tells herself. No one is expecting them to act like an engaged couple. She hopes the lights go down soon and she will instinctively figure out what she should be doing while the movie is playing.

Luckily, she gets one of her wishes and the theater goes dark for the first preview to start. She looks over at James and some of the anxious thoughts in her head still. 

They’re both figuring this out, like they would be if it was all real. She thinks, somehow, that his being there is enough to make things magically work out.

Leaning over the armrest, Lily holds her fingers over the popcorn. “Prepared to share, Potter?”

“Of course, Evans,” he says, shifting closer towards her and throwing an arm across the back of her chair. “Assuming your new diet doesn’t keep you from enjoying extra butter on your popcorn.”

The movement takes his hand from hers, but Lily pushes the armrest up and naturally relaxes into the new space for her against his shoulder. “Shut up,” she answers automatically, more like the Lily she was when he knew her last. She grabs some for herself. “Popcorn isn’t even worth it if it doesn’t have extra butter. Breakouts aside, it’s the caffeineyou should be worried about.”

“Whatever,” he says before taking an obnoxious swig of his slurpee. “I’ve been drinking these since we were kids, and my face is as handsome as ever. Mom told me so this morning.”

“And no one can lie to a face like yours.” She stops his wrist with her hand and takes a sip of his drink. Immediately, she makes a face. “It tastes so _weird_ when you’re not used to it.”

“Evans,” Sirius says in an exaggerated whisper, “didn’t you say you _loved_ the previews?”

Lily thinks it’s particularly mature of her to ignore the impulse to stick her tongue out at him and lets her head fall back on James’ shoulder. “You crashed _our_ date, Sirius. I can tease my boyfriend as much as I want.”

“He was my bo - _friend…_ my _friend_ first,” says Sirius, a slight pink tinging his cheeks that’s noticeable in the dimly lit theater. 

“Leave them alone, Sirius,” Remus says, trying to draw his attention away from Lily and James.

“Actually, James was _my_ friend first,” she answers, unable to stop herself while she takes more popcorn. “No need to be jealous, Sirius. You have your own boyfriend to entertain.”

“Yeah, Sirius,” says James, grinning proudly at Lily and tugging her inward so she’s resting against him. “Entertain Moony. He looks nearly dead with boredom. You really are a piss poor date.”

It must be Sirius’ expression that creates the surge of triumph in her chest. She’s comfortably against James’ shoulder when she turns her face up to him to judge if he thinks things are going as well as she does. His grin matches hers, so she takes it as a good sign. 

Her worries about what they’re supposed to do during the movie fade when they sit in a silence that isn’t awkward as it starts. It isn’t that different from the other times she’s gone to the movies. Instead of sitting next to someone and ignoring them like she usually does, Lily is more aware of him moving beside her with their fingers occasionally bumping over their popcorn.

At one point, she looks up at him again. “Having a good time?”

He’s rather close. Closer than she thought possible, which is something, considering they’re very nearly pressed into one another. 

“Of course.” His voice vibrates against her, starting at the top of her head and prickling down her neck, causing little tingles to erupt down her skin. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” she replies, really meaning it. Part of her hopes the goosebumps on her arms are from the heat stopping for a few minutes. “I do have a confession, though.” She gestures toward the screen with one hand. “I don’t think I know what’s going on.” 

“Have you ever seen an Avengers movie?”

His fingertips brush her shoulder, and she wonders how something so simple can seem so intimate. Fingertips brushing one’s shoulder should _not_ be a reason for increased heart rate.

“Um.” Her mind fills unhelpfully with static, but she shifts in her seat and tries again. “I think I caught one on HBO once?”

“You _think,”_ he snorts. “Okay, so youhaven’t really seen one, then. At least, not gotten the full experience. Anyway, that’s Bruce - the Hulk, and he’s been sent to earth to warn the others about Thanos.” 

“Sure,” she answers as if that tells her everything she needs to know. Even without remembering a full movie, she has heard enough to know that the Hulk gets green and angry and there has to be a villain somewhere in the plot. Without really making a decision to do it, Lily’s hand changes course and she intertwines her fingers with his instead of reaching for more popcorn. “There’s going to be some big fight, I guess?”

“Um, yeah. Eventually, I’m sure there will be,” he says, lifting their linked hands for a brief moment. Lily thinks he’s inspecting them, but in the next second, he places a kiss on her knuckles, causing her (just maybe, possibly) to blush. 

A throat clears next to them, and Lily turns to see Sirius watching them. _Glaring_ at them, really. 

_It was for show,_ she thinks. _Nothing more._ That’s why she keeps her hand in his, leans closer to James, and tries not to let Sirius make her freeze. He’ll have to get used to them. 

“It’s okay if I don’t follow,” she whispers as if his best friend didn’t interrupt a moment that he brilliantly manufactured. “We’re both having a good time, and that’s what matters.”

He grins. “And nothing can beat movie theater popcorn.”

“Maybe I can think of a few things,” she answers, squeezing his hand and telling herself that she only dares to say it because she knows Sirius is watching them. 

“Can you two _shut up?”_ hisses Sirius, leaning over towards Lily. “I’m trying to watch the movie!”

“Sirius!” Remus scolds, tugging him away from her. “Leave them alone.”

Regardless, it’s enough to make her sit back in her seat. Lily doesn’t give Sirius the satisfaction of looking back over at him, however, as she determinedly stares at the screen. 

“Shut up, Sirius!” James practically growls. “I don’t know why you have to be so much of an ass. I’ve tagged along to plenty of movies where you and Remus have done far worse than hold hands!” 

Sirius looks for a moment like he’s about to throw back another retort, but Remus, ever the quick thinker, shoves popcorn in his boyfriend’s open mouth. 

“You’re such a child,” says Remus, though Lily can hear the affection in his voice. “Eat this. I didn’t buy it just for myself.”

Lily feels rather than sees Sirius shift closer to Remus because she’s absolutely _refusing_ to look at Sirius Black. 

“Hey,” James says softly, brushing her hair behind her ear. Possibly for show. Possibly because of their arrangement. Possibly because he really does care. “Are you okay?”

“Totally,” she replies, still not looking at him.

It _is_ going to get better, she tells herself, even if that doesn’t start tonight. It has to. After they’ve done this a few times, Sirius will get over the need to protect James and start protecting them instead. Protecting her. Like he used to. 

Sirius liked her at one point. They were friends, and it wasn’t just because she refused to be scared away by Boys Only clubs or early jealousy. Lily and James weren’t the only pirates who searched for treasure. They weren’t the only kids who signed their names and made promises. 

Sirius helped her stand up to bullies. He gave her someone to talk to about having a difficult family and being trapped in the middle. She wonders if he still thinks, like she sometimes does, about their conversations that didn’t involve James. About the way they used to look up at the stars and be honest about things they didn’t talk about with anyone else.

Lily wishes getting them back to that was as easy as slipping back into friendship with James.

She slowly becomes aware of how stiff she is and forces herself to relax her shoulders. “I’m okay,” she confirms after a few seconds in a voice that sounds more like something she recognizes. Lily faces James, smooths her features, and offers her open candy box to him. “Do you want some?”

James blinks at the candy box as though it’s a foreign object to him before shaking his head. 

“I don’t want candy,” he says. “Are you sure you’re fine?”

“Of course,” she says, meeting his eyes. This was the point, wasn't it? To go against high school trends? The whole thing doesn't matter if there isn't a little resistance. “Let’s watch the movie. I’ll try not to get so distracted.”

\--

James is used to a lot of things concerning Lily. 

He’s used to the way she pulls her hair over to one side of her shoulder while she’s explaining things in great depth in class. He’s used to the fact that when she starts a story, she has to go back nearly half a year for the listener to get a full scope of all the surrounding details. He’s even used to her crushes on literary guys. 

But one thing he is not used to, and the one thing that makes him feel ill at ease, is her silence.

Even after middle school, when they went their separate ways in their separate friend groups, she always managed to find a way to scold him for something. Honestly, he acted out most of the time _just_ to get her to scold him. They had been embarrassingly exciting, her scoldings. 

For the first time since he can remember, Lily has been silent the whole drive home, staring out the window and avoiding eye contact with him. He knows the _Sirius-ness_ behind her silence, but he isn’t entirely sure how to approach it. 

“You know,” he says, finding the courage as he pulls into her driveway. “I could absolutely kill Sirius right now. Our first date, and he’s gone and screwed it up.”

The driveway is empty, save for Petunia’s VW Beetle, and James turns off the car, feeling the heat cut off with it. He shivers, and he’s not sure if it’s from the sudden chill or the fact that Lily has finally turned to look at him with a half-smile that doesn’t fully alleviate his concerns. 

“It’s not that bad,” she says after a beat. Lily’s eyes drift to the windshield. “I was hoping for a warmer welcome, I guess. But…” She lets the sentence drop.

“But what?” he asks, fighting the urge to brush her bangs back from her eyes. “What is it, Lily?”

She looks like she might be considering what to say for a moment before she shakes her head. “It’s nothing.” Lily looks back at him and he sees the trace of a genuine smile in her features. “For the record, you don’t need to kill Sirius. He didn’t completely screw it up. It was the best first date I’ve ever been on.” 

“Excellent,” he grins. He knows she’s trying to deflect. Trying to change the subject. And just this once, he’ll let her. He’s still learning how to be around her again, and he isn’t certain that a prying James is still tolerated just yet. “First fake date, in the books. I’m sure it will be all around the school by Monday morning, though likely a bit fudged.” He throws his voice like a mock-reporter, extending his hand in front of him as spouts off the headline. “ _‘Potter and Evans, caught locking lips at the cinema!’_ It’ll be all over our school paper... Do we even have a school paper?” 

Lily laughs, and James feels like he’s won some sort of prize. 

“Not for much longer, if that’s their reporting style. No journalistic integrity. We haven’t even -” Lily looks away again, but this time she focuses on the light coming from the front room of her house. Something in her expression changes, but then she’s back. “I guess this is my stop.”

“I’ll walk you to the door,” he says, opening his door and rushing around to the passenger side to get hers. When she’s out of the car, Lily doesn’t make a move towards her house. Instead, she leans against his car, looking upward at him. 

It’s cold. Their breath comes out in puffs between them, and James, suddenly unsure of what to do with his hands, uses the chill as an excuse to pocket them in his jacket. 

“I think,” she says after a moment, “if this was real, then this would be the part of the date where I wonder if you’re going to kiss me goodnight.” 

James is certain he’s misheard her. 

He must have. 

Either that, or he’s misunderstanding her. 

Because Lily couldn’t possibly mean…

“What?” he asks, blinking. _Fuck him,_ his voice nearly squeaks. “What do you mean?”

Her voice is steady, making him even more painfully aware of how his wavers. “In all the movies, the girl knows the date went well if the boy kisses her at the end.” Lily reaches out for the sleeve of his jacket and pulls him a few inches closer. “Did it go well?”

“Oh,” he says. Then, he catches her eyes flicker towards the lit windows of her house, so quickly he might have missed it. _“Oh.”_

**__**_Petunia,_ he thinks. _Of course._

Of course, _of course,_ it’s because Petunia is most likely watching them. Not because Lily actually _wants_ to be kissed. Not because she actually wants _him_ to kiss _her._ She just wants the satisfaction of pissing Petunia off. 

He’s a bit pathetic, James thinks, because while he knows it’s not real - that _none_ of this has been real - he can’t stop himself from leaning down.

Softly, gently, at first, as though she is made of glass and may shatter at any moment, James presses his lips to hers.

And then something shifts. 

James isn’t sure whether it’s something in his brain or the fact that she’s tilted her head slightly and gasped into his mouth, but his hands suddenly know what to do. They untangle themselves from his jacket pockets and go, instead, to cup her face. She allows herself, for once, to let him guide her, backing her into the side of his car and pressing her there with his body weight. 

There’s something entirely _not fake_ about the way she’s kissing him back. About the way her lips feel against his. About the way she holds onto him like he’s what keeps her standing. About the way she doesn’t break away until someone calls her name from the front door.

_“Lily!”_ cries a voice, shrill and piercing. 

James blames it on his Lily-fogged state that he can’t seem to place it. 

“You need to come inside so I can actually lock the effing door and go to _bed!_ Mom said I had to stay up and wait on you! Not that I had to watch you two suck face in the driveway!”

He doesn’t get a good look at Lily’s expression before it changes, her jaw set. Although she melted easily against him only seconds ago, now she’s all hard edges. 

“I’m saying goodnight,” Lily calls stiffly. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

He hears Petunia grumble something about the neighbors and shuts the door loudly behind her. 

In an instant, Lily’s entire posture relaxes. Her eyes come back to him, but he can’t read them. “James, I…” Lily considers for a second and shakes her head. “Thanks for everything. Have a good night.”

“Um, yeah,” he says, feeling at a loss and running a hand through his hair. “Any - any time.”

**__**_Idiot,_ he thinks to himself. _Ask her about the kiss. Ask her if she felt it too._

But he doesn’t ask her about anything. 

Instead, he watches as she walks up her driveway, pausing at her door to give him a small wave before disappearing into her house. 

And James, for the second or perhaps thirteenth time that day, thinks he is totally and royally _fucked._


	4. Last Kiss

_“I roll my eyes, and then you pull me in. I’m not much for dancing, but for you I did.”_

\--

Lily can’t sleep.

Her mind is a record player that won’t turn off and keeps skipping on the same parts. Just as she thinks they are figuring it out, just as they’re developing a pattern that’s so easy to fall into, the ground shifts beneath her. 

She wishes she could completely blame Petunia. If she’s being honest, however, it’s not anger at Petunia that keeps her awake. 

Luckily, since their mother is at an event for work, she doesn’t have to feel bad about raising her voice once she gets inside. She can funnel some of her confusion into frustration. She isn’t entirely acting when she blames her sister for ruining the end of her date and only feels a little dramatic when she extends it to Petunia ruining _everything_.

For a second, everything was perfect, until -

But isn’t this what she wanted?

Lily knew the downstairs light was on when she prompted James to kiss her. She knew her sister would be sitting inside and hoped Petunia would be nosy enough to peek through the curtains and try to see. She hoped that a kiss, _their_ kiss, would be enough to get a reaction. All of that was the reason she lingered by the car and practically instructed him to kiss her.

Any other reason isn’t what they discussed.

It’s a game, she reminds herself. One that relies on both of them being convincing. They’re both playing the parts of being desperately, ridiculously in love in the way only teenagers can be. 

This feeling she can’t describe means they’re playing their parts well. So well that she’s convinced herself that there’s a slight chance, if things were marginally different, that this could be something other than what it is.

James has always been good at pulling her in and getting her more involved than she planned to be. He’s the one who challenged her and pulled her in headfirst. He made all of their games seem real, simply because he was part of them. 

_That_ has to be why it felt like the kiss was something - something she knows it _isn’t_. 

Almost forgetting their previous agreement, Lily stops having a staring contest with his contact photo to frantically send a goodnight text to James. She’s incapable of coming up with something clever, but Sirius probably will check this time, since it was their _first date_. He’ll expect James’ girlfriend to send something. 

Playing the part of the perfect girlfriend is what she agreed to do, so she has to do it well.

Resolving to _stop_ the path of her thoughts, Lily tosses the phone aside and pulls up her covers. Despite her attempt to squeeze her eyes shut, she doesn’t fall asleep. Uselessly, Lily attempts staring at the ceiling, fails to empty her mind, and gets up to pace. When not even _Pride and Prejudice_ will distract her, she throws the book aside and decides that _not_ thinking about it is only making it harder.

Five minutes. That’s how long she’ll allow. 

For five minutes, she’ll remember what it felt like to have his hands on her cheeks. How she didn’t mind letting him lead and liked the way he pushed her back against the car door. How she didn’t have to think and somehow _knew_ what to do. How, as soon as his lips touched hers, everything felt inevitable. 

Before, she didn’t understand. Her limited experience with kissing made her rely on books and movies to figure out what she was supposed to be getting out of it. What kisses could be.

Kisses like _that_ must be the ones that cause people to write songs and stories. They’re what convince people that it’s worth sneaking out and finding somewhere private, just for the chance to feel it again. 

They must be what makes everyone fall in love with James Potter.

Because that’s what it is - what it has to be. She’s a method actress who is taking the role too far. It’s easy to act like (and maybe even think) she might be in love with James Potter because he’s living his part - being the perfect person for the perfect version of herself to fall in love with. 

That’s what it is. 

It isn’t real.

He doesn’t mean to do this and he doesn’t have to try. James has always known how to twist a girl’s heart the right way. He knows how to smile and run a hand through his hair and have half of the girls in school talking about him for the rest of the week. He knows how to make someone feel special with his choice. 

Lily already messed this up once. 

She’s not going to do it again.

When the clock on her bedside tells her five minutes have passed, Lily rolls onto her side, closes her eyes, and is determined to play her part. She won’t mess this up again.

\--

**__** _Eighth grade came with a new definition of freedom._

_The world expanded past the neighborhood - to the ice cream shop, the store under the guise of helpfully running an errand, and anywhere a bike could go. The most exciting adventures no longer had to happen in the backyard._

_A thousand things changed at once, but they could hold on to what they knew. There were breakouts and growth spurts and feeling like a visitor in a new body. There was homework and responsibilities and the constant reminder that they should be preparing for high school._

_On the line between childhood and teenagerdom, new freedoms gave way for new desires to rebel - but only a little._

_Conspiring to unlock the liquor cabinet but coming up with an excuse right before trying. Stretching the limits of the new concept of a curfew by walking in a minute early every night and giving vague answers when asked. Walking a little farther and going to the second-closest park, since the closest was always filled with children and their supervising parents. Staying after sunset, even if the sign warned that the park closed at dusk._

_The park held more potential once it got dark. There was something mysterious and forbidden about being in a normal place at a less-than-normal time. The thrill was doing something on the edge of not allowed._

_The May air was warm enough, even without the sun, to be comfortable. To make outside the best place to be when there were only so many places to go._

_Of course, both of their mothers knew where to find them, if they needed, but they chose not to tell their children that part. It was fun not knowing. Being on their own while they still had someone to catch them. Taking the new doses of freedom and seeing where they could lead._

_Letting them roam on their own and find their way back._

_“James?” Lily called, peering under the slide to find him in an unannounced game of Hide and Seek he apparently decided to start. “Where’d you go?”_

_“You’re as blind as a bat, Evans,” said a voice from above. The sound of a pair of feet landed gracefully behind her a moment later. He had been on top of the tunneled slide. Again. “I might as well have a cloak of invisibility. You never notice me, even when I’m in plain sight.”_

_Lily spun to face him. “Guess it’s because I don’t have four eyes like you,” she countered, flicking the bridge of his glasses._

_“Ouch!” he cried, dramatically, rubbing his nose. “Watch it! This is all part of my charm.”_

_“Is that what it is? What prompted the grand entrance, anyway?”_

_He grinned at her before adjusting his glasses and straightening his posture. “When you’re as grand_ _as me, Evans, you need a grand entrance.”_

_“Sure,” she replied, crossing her arms. “Or, more likely, you have some plan you know I’ll have to be talked into.” She surveyed him for a few seconds, as if a clue could be found in his appearance. “What is it?”_

_“Evans,” he said, grinning more broadly. “What makes you think I have some sort of masterfully crafted, brilliant, ingenious plan for us today?”_

_She let out a short laugh at that. “How about my lifetime of experience? Let me judge the so-called brilliance of your ingenious plan, Potter.”_

_“Evans,” he said, his voice projecting and bouncing around the plastic of the playground slide. “Today I have a dare for you. A dare I’m half expecting you to turn down considering your… nature.” His hand gestured over her frame, as if that provided enough background for his statement._

_For a moment, she looked at him in disbelief before she recovered. “Is this because I wouldn’t ride on the handlebars of Sirius’ bike? I swear, he thinks that thing can actually fly.”_

_“That thing_ can _fly. If you believe in magic, which Sirius does,” he said, rolling his eyes. “But no, it’s not about the bike. It’s about the fact that you can’t so much as doodle on a school textbook without biting your nails.”_

_“What do my -” Lily glanced down at her nails (clearly bitten short, as he said) and back up at him. “What are you talking about?”_

_“I’m talking,” he said, digging around in his pocket and pulling out a small pocket knife, “about_ this.” _He held his hand out towards her, dropping the knife in her outstretched hand and smirking at her wrinkled brow._

_Lily slowly turned the closed knife over in her hand. “And what exactly are you daring me to do with this?” Despite her skeptical expression, she made no move to hand it back to him._

_“Lily Evans, I dare you to carve something - be it our initials, an ode to me, your love for me, what have you - into_ that _tree,” he said, pointing behind her to a tree they had climbed nearly every day as children._

_She followed his finger and looked over her shoulder for a long moment before turning to face him again. Gripping the pocket knife by her side, Lily asked, “What do I get if I do it?”_

_“Anything you want, Evans,” he said, grinning at her. “Anything at all.”_

_“Okay, Potter,” she answered after a moment, flipping out the knife and taking a step backward toward the tree. “I’ll do it.”_

_With that, Lily turned away from him and cut a line into the bark. Concentrating, she made each line deliberately, except for the last, which she used to underline her work with a flourish. Once she finished the message, she took a step back and let her hand with the knife hang by her side._

_LE + JP_

_ BFFs _

_“Do I pass?”_

_He peered at the tree, squinting for dramatics or poor eyesight. “Not bad, Evans, not bad. I’d wager that you pass. Surprised you didn’t put up more of a fight, if I’m being honest. ‘Save the trees’ and all that jazz you were into last year.”_

_“As long as we don’t peel off_ all _the bark,” she was quick to add. “It should be fine. I’m sure it’s seen worse.” Lily closed the knife and held it back out to him. “Besides, your initials are there too, if anyone asks.”_

_“Taking me down with you, eh?” he teased, flicking her scrunched up nose. “You held up your end on the dare. What will you have me do now?”_

_There was a slight pause._

_“I have a dare for you, James Potter,” Lily said, voice losing some of its teasing note. “But you can say no.”_

_“When have I ever said no to a dare, Evans?”_

_“James.” Her voice was suddenly more serious. Lily found a bench and sat, waiting for him to sit next to her before continuing and keeping her eyes on his. She had to make herself say it before she thought of a dozen reasons why she shouldn’t. “I dare you to kiss me.”_

_“What?” he asked, clearly surprised. “Kiss you? Like, on the mouth?”_

_“Like a first kiss. My first kiss,” Lily said, words starting to tumble over each other in a rush. “I’ve been thinking about it. About how everyone is going to ask me and have some story about theirs. And I want a good memory. Something I can look back on and… Shouldn’t it be with someone I know, someone I trust?” At some point, she put her hand over his on the bench between them. “And there’s no one I know better than you, James, no one I trust more.”_

_James looked down at their hands, hers clasping onto his so tightly. “It would - it would be my_ _first kiss too, you know. I’ve never actually - I’m not even sure that I’m any good at it.”_

_“That’s okay,” she answered sincerely, managing a small smile and trying to meet his gaze again. “Because it’s you and me. For both us of it can be something that we don’t have to worry about anymore. Something nice. But if you don’t want to, James, we don’t have to. I can come up with another dare or forget about the whole thing or -”_

_“No,” he said, suddenly, forcefully, cutting her off in the process. “No, I’ve never turned down a dare before. Besides, more than that - I like the thought of… everything_ _you just said. About it being meaningful for both of us, about how it will be a good memory and not wasted on someone else. About trusting me. I trust you too, Lily.” He paused for a moment, swallowing before looking her in the eye with a half smile. “But please don’t tell Sirius I said any of this. He’ll never let me live it down.”_

_Lily scooted closer to him on the bench while he talked. By the time he finished and met her eyes again, her smile had grown. “It’ll be our secret.” She reached for his other hand and squeezed them both. “So, how do we do this?”_

_“I believe,” he said, his eyes flickering to her parted lips, “we start with you closing your eyes.”_

_Lily closed them, tilting her chin up at the same time._

_“Then,” he said, brushing some hair behind her ear and allowing his hand to drift down and settle at the nape of her neck, his fingers feeling oddly steady. “You tilt your head just so…”_

_Her head shifted at his prompting, almost as if he had placed an enchantment over her._

_“And I tilt mine…” he continued, his voice a whisper but somehow closer. “And then…”_

_And then…_

_And then…_

_Lips brushing, mouths parting…_

_Neither one of them had ever been kissed before, but somehow they knew that this was right. That they were doing it right. Properly._

_When they parted, it was impossible to know whether it had been a few seconds or several minutes. Impossible to know who moved first or what, exactly, changed in that moment._

_They both looked at each other, trying to let their breaths steady._

_“Well?” he asked, still sounding out of breath._

_Lily smiled and squeezed his hand again. “I think it was perfect.”_

_\--_

James isn’t able to sleep. 

He’s _tried._

He’s tossed and turned for hours now, but instead of managing to ease his mind, he’s only worked himself into an uncomfortable, sweaty state underneath the thickness of his winter quilt.

He flops over on his back, throwing a hand behind his head, and blinking through the darkness. His vision is blurry without his glasses, but he doesn’t need them to be able to see that sleep will not be finding him tonight. 

His head is still spinning and his lips are burning where Lily’s own touched them hours before. 

He wonders, stupidly perhaps, if she must hate him after the kiss. Which is a ridiculous thought. She _asked_ to be kissed. Though, most likely, she wasn’t expecting to be kissed in quite the way in which he had done. 

A peck, perhaps, and not with everything in him. 

But he isn’t sure that it’s even possible to kiss Lily Evans any other way. 

She’s not the type of girl that you kiss simply.

James shuts his eyes so tight that little floaters burst from behind his eyelids. 

He had known that kissing Lily Evans could be like… _that._ He had done it before. Just _once_ before. But that had been years ago. 

His brain had done the whole survival mode thing after more than a few months of being hung up over the way kissing Lily Evans felt. After a while of not being able to even function, he had decided to not even think about the memory anymore. Blindfolding it, gagging it, giving it a few kicks for good measure, he had shoved it so far back in the dark corners of his teenage mind that he had doubts that it really had been as elaborate as he made it out to be. 

He was - _is_ \- dramatic, you see. His mother tells him so daily, and he’s inclined to believe her because his mother is anything but a liar. She’s got a good name, his mother does. The only thing that could possibly soil it is James himself - something she’s _also_ told him - and he’s not one for dragging his mother’s name through the mud. 

So while he _is_ quite dramatic, he was not, apparently, being dramatic about the way kissing Lily Evans had felt so long ago. 

Still felt, apparently. 

It’s like waking up. Like taking a deep breath under water and allowing it to fill your lungs. Like quickly trying to touch the burning end of a candle, even with the possibility of getting burnt, _just_ to know what it felt like. 

It’s a religious experience, kissing Lily Evans. It’s like finding his purpose in life. As though his whole reason for existing is for him to be kissing Lily Evans for the rest of his - of _her_ life. 

And James, though he hadn’t properly thought of it before, finds himself suddenly religious. At least when it comes to Lily Evans. He’d been baptised in her waters years ago, he thought, and _god_ what a cheesy line. But good. Still good. He’ll have to write that one down in his journal. 

But later, he thinks, as the sound of his phone buzzing stirs him from his dramatic thoughts. 

\--

Lily loves their usual routine enough to be glad that she doesn’t have to interrupt it the next morning. They don’t have a Saturday routine (yet, she tells herself), so she can’t ruin it. Hopefully, by the time it’s Monday morning again, they’ll be able to go back to what she’s quickly decided is her favorite way to start the day.

As much as part of her would like to skip this part, where they have to talk about feelings that might reveal more than she would like, they _have_ to talk about what happened last night. What happened at the end of their date. The only way this can work is by discussing their boundaries and lines. 

That’s what they promised each other.

They have to be able to talk. James deserves a friend - and fake girlfriend - who can have a mature conversation. Avoiding things is what let her ruin everything the first time. Plus, she isn’t even quite sure those feelings still there. Maybe she’s just remembering what they felt like.

Practicality overrides her squeamishness at potentially revealing something. After checking that his car is in the driveway, Lily sends a text message.

 _swing set in 10? miss you xo_

While she waits for enough minutes to pass, Lily checks that her uneasy night of sleep isn’t obvious in the mirror. Considering how many times she tossed and turned throughout the night, she doesn’t think it looks _too_ obvious. There’s some darkness under her eyes, but she can pass that off as normal. Every high schooler lacks some of the sleep they need.

After uselessly fiddling with her hair for too long, she turns away to pulls on her boots and his letterman jacket. It’s quickly becoming a staple of her wardrobe, and she keeps hoping that he doesn’t ask for it back. 

Her knack for punctuality finds Lily nudging the ground with the toe of her boot from her place on a swing in his backyard almost exactly ten minutes after she sent the message asking for a meeting. 

The swing set is solid ground. It’s a comfortable spot full of memories that has history for their relationship - both real and fake. Even more important, it presents one of the few places they can talk without too much threat of a nosy sister or suspicious best friend listening. 

“Hey,” says a voice from behind her, pulling her out of her thoughts. 

James. 

He’s got a stupid beanie hat on that’s threatening to pop off from the sheer wildness of his hair, and his glasses are slightly askew. On anyone else, it might make her roll her eyes. But he’s always attractively disheveled, she thinks. It’s really unfair. 

“You okay?”

Lily wonders if it’s just her cloudy mind, imagining things that aren’t there, but his voice sounds a bit rougher. 

The sight of him makes her cheek twitch in the beginning of a smile. “Of course,” she answers, absolutely not willing to be anything _but_ okay. 

Over the course of the night, she shoved a series of thoughts to the back of her mind, where they’re going to stay. In his bedroom, they said that they would check on boundaries and perfect their plan, so her urge to see him before doing anything else doesn’t have to _mean_ anything. 

This is just a conversation like the ones they promised to have.

Lily gently shakes the chain of the swing next to hers to encourage him to sit. “I wanted to see you. To talk about how last night went and… anything else you think we need to talk about.” Lily pushes back to make herself swing slightly. “They say the secret to a good relationship is communication.” The last part is an attempt at a joke, but it falls a little flat to her own ears.

“Ahh,” groans James, throwing himself into the swing next to her. “I think I know what this is about.” 

“Oh, yeah?” She doesn’t know if she sounds worried or like she's teasing him, and she’s honestly unsure which version she means him to hear.

“Yeah,” says James, rubbing the back of his neck. “Listen, Lily, I’m really sorry about the kiss. I mean - I’m not sorry for it in the way that I’m sorry it happened. Because I’m not, you know. Sorry it happened, that is. It was good. _More_ than good, really. But I shouldn’t have kissed you like _that.”_

His reaction should have told her as much, but the words give her a boost of confidence and new color on her cheeks. James isn’t _that_ good of an actor. He pushed her against his car and fit so well against her for more than Petunia’s benefit.

She knows he liked the kiss too. 

“No.” Lily shakes her head. “You don’t have to be sorry. It _was_ more than good.” There's a minor twinge somewhere around her heart, but she shoves it aside. “I'm not sorry it happened either.” She shrugs and hopes her tone stays casual whens she adds, “Couples kiss, don't they?”

“Yes,” says James, twisting his swing so the chains groan and he’s facing her. There’s something in his eyes that’s shifting, though Lily’s unsure of what but she sees besides herself in the reflection of his glasses. “Yes, they do.”

It’s an opening.

No matter what, they have an agreement that she’s going to honor. It was her idea, and she’s going to meet their goal.

That doesn’t mean they can’t _like_ kissing each other. 

The same way she likes holding his hand and teasing Sirius and getting a ride to school and pretending to be the center of his universe. It’s all supposed to be fun, isn’t it? Kissing can be another fun thing they happen to do together.

“What if...” she starts before she can lose her courage. “What if it's something we just _do?_ As part of this whole thing. Since, you know, it’s what couples do. And we both liked it and it's fun.”

A beat passes.

“Yeah, okay. And, theoretically speaking, people would get suspicious if we didn’t kiss.” James adds this and tilts himself closer to her. “I mean, what sort of couple doesn’t even kiss?”

She can't help herself when she leans forward on the swing to contribute to the rapidly shrinking space between them. “Exactly.” 

“People wouldn’t believe us, you know. If we didn’t kiss. As long as you’re really okay with being kissed like that. You are, aren’t you?” James’ breath is coming out in little puffs between them, but Lily is so close she can feel the heat of them on her own lips.

“Yeah,” she answers quietly, knowing he can hear her and feeling a bit like this can't be her actual life. Sitting on James Potter's swing set. With James looking at her like that. Asking if she's okay with being kissed until her head spins. “I'm more than okay with that.”

“Excellent,” he says, and she can hear more than see the grin on his face. They’re impossibly close now. “New rule added, then? Potter and Evans are the type of couple who kiss?”

“Yes,” she confirms, emboldened. Tilting her head slightly, she can’t help but let her eyes flicker to his mouth for a split second. “To be a convincing Class Couple.”

“Of course,” he says. Almost smirks, really. There’s an air of arrogance in his voice that makes her spine tingle. “Do you want to write it down, or should we kiss on it to make it official?”

“I’ll remember to write it down later. We can make it official now.” 

Nothing, not even Petunia disrupting them, could tug her away from this spot. Not with James mere inches away and looking like he’s won some big prize. 

“Splendid.”

It’s an odd word to cause such a reaction within her. A hundred little butterflies seem to erupt inside her stomach, fluttering about and making her feel as though she could float away. James anchors her, though, as he always seems to do, by snaking a hand behind her head and closing the very small gap between them.

It’s only been a few hours since he last kissed her, but it’s still a shock when their lips meet again. 

Somehow, she didn’t exaggerate the kiss overnight. It wasn’t just her overactive imagination that told her that she found a perfect thing. It’s so easy to lean into him, to match his movements. To wonder why she hasn’t come up with an excuse to kiss him over and over again before this. 

Her whole body is warm and charged, despite the cool bite of January air around them. She doesn’t want to think about anything other than the soft press of James’ hands and the warmth of his mouth on hers.

If this is how couples - even pretend ones - spend their time, she’ll have no problem passing the months until Prom. She already wants to make a habit of kissing James Potter.

Reluctantly, she knows the moment can’t go on forever.

Luckily, however, their new rule means this won’t be the last time.

The chains creak when Lily pulls back, though she’s not willing to go far. Her heart is hammering in her ears, and her cheeks almost hurt from the combination of sudden cold and matching his grin, but she can’t bring herself to care.

“I think it’s official now.”


	5. Jump Then Fall

" _I like the way I can't keep my focus. I watch you talk. You didn't notice."_

\--

Every morning is more or less the same.

James wakes up, checks his phone for a  _good morning_ text message (complete with a string of emojis) that has been sent exactly thirty minutes prior from Evans, all while very nearly falling out of bed while grinning like an absolute fool with his phone pushing against his forehead.

And then he looks at himself in the mirror and says to himself, "What would Lily Evans' boyfriend wear today, I wonder?"

Which is an odd question.

But he's an odd sort of boy.

Something both his mother and Lily have told him.

His oddity is further exemplified, because sometimes, just  _sometimes,_ he'll pretend that the mirror is speaking back to him, stating, "Why, whatever  _you_ decide to wear today, dearie. After all, you  _are_ her boyfriend. Certainly not fake at all."

Which is a silly thing. Because mirrors don't talk, and even if they did, James seriously doubts they would use such a ridiculous high-pitched voice like the one he reserves inside his own head for them.

A low, grumbly sort of  _mew_ disrupts James from his thoughts on talking mirrors and Lily Evans. James turns to see Sir Purr, his ever faithful gray and black striped tabby cat, staring back at him with a look of mere tolerance of his human's presence from his place on the bed.

"Alright then," says James, quirking an eyebrow at the feline. "What's got your whiskers in a twist?"

Sir Purr blinks slowly, his green eyes looking rather cloudy and bored.

"What do you  _mean_ you think I'm in over my head?" asks James, blinking back. "I know exactly what I'm doing!"

The twitching of Sir Purr's left ear is the only response James gets, but he suspects it's meant in outrage.

"Okay, alright, I'll  _admit_ that if I didn't have this whole thing totally under control -  _which I do, by the way -_ this situation with Lily could end very, very badly -"

A yawn escapes the cats lips, exposing his teeth and his boredom with James.

"- but it's  _not_ going to end badly! Every single day I'm making progress with her. Every single day I'm closer than I was before to being her not fake boyfriend. To being her very real, very devoted,  _actual boyfriend_."

James stretches the last word out, as though it's the very hope he's clinging to, and he wonders if he is imagining the curving of his cat's lips into a mocking smile.

Furious with a  _cat_ of all things, he turns, running a hand through his hair, and then grins in spite of himself. Lily's light is on, as it's probably been for an hour now, since she doesn't wait until the last few minutes to get started on her day. She's braiding her hair, her nose scrunched up in concentration, and James' grin widens at the fact that he no longer has to ask to place a kiss at the tip of her nose.

He grabs a sharpie and a piece of paper, aware that he will be seeing her in five minutes, but still not stopping himself from scribbling out a note and taping it on his window.

_Remember the time in fifth grade when I snipped part of your braid off with a pair of scissors?_

She notices him right away, and he wonders briefly if she was looking at him just a moment before. She rolls her eyes and ties off her braid before writing her own note back.

_Before picture day - you owe me, Potter_

James snorts. Actually  _snorts._

_Don't I always? See you outside._

_As long as you don't bring scissors xo_

"See?" says James proudly to Sir Purr, who has made himself comfortable on James' bed again. "Everything is totally under control."

His cat is asleep before he even walks out the door.

* * *

High school is  _different_  as James Potter's girlfriend.

Before, she darted from her bedroom to the bathroom several times, catching the free seconds when her sister wasn't using the shared space and ensuring that she didn't have an excuse to leave without her. She threw her things together and checked five times to make sure she had her completed homework assignments, since Petunia always wanted to leave on a second's notice, whenever she decided she was ready.

Now, Lily eagerly waits in her house with her bag packed at her feet, long enough that James has to press on the horn to call her down. She's ready on time every morning - making a point of finding her phone in the dark early enough to send James a text before he wakes up - but ignoring that to see Petunia's sour expression when she goes into the kitchen to pick up her lunch box is worth it.

Before, when they got to school, she would stumble out of Petunia's car by the drop-off entrance, tugging her backpack onto her shoulder and hoping she had everything she needed for the day. Her older sister had a habit of leaning over to pull the door shut and driving off before Lily could turn around to wish her a good day.

Now, she teases James for hurrying out of the car to open her door and hands over his own forgotten backpack. In view of the rest of the students who are lucky enough to have their own cars or secure rides from those who do, Lily slips her hand into James' and, with a burst of confidence that his touch inspires, moves onto her toes to kiss his cheek.

Only a month ago, she could go through the normal morning motions without attracting much attention. She could slip into first period, make a few jokes with Benjy during class, and meet up with Mary before second period. Her best friend would loop their arms together and fill her in on everything she missed since they saw each other the previous day.

Now, she might be stopped half a dozen times before she makes it to Ms. McGonagall's class. When James' fingers are tangled with hers, everyone wants to talk to her. They ask about boring things, demanding updates about small details that no one wanted to know before she started dating the high school quarterback.

In only a few weeks, she's gotten particularly good at giggling and looking up at James when she doesn't know what to say.

Being with James - laughing with him, talking to him - is as second nature as breathing.

Being  _popular_ is not. That, more than always being by James' side or holding his hand or kissing when the moment feels right, is what takes adjustments. Being popular is what will get her what they're after, though, she tells herself, so she can't exactly complain about the results. Plus, with James around, she's willing to entertain dozens of questions about what she uses in her hair or where she found her dress.

Still, she's glad to admit, some things are the same. She still meets up with Mary before second period every day, giving her a chance to let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Mary bypasses any form of normal greeting. "Did you know Hestia Jones is claiming to be your best friend now?"

"What?"

"Mhm," Mary hums, offering Lily a peanut butter cracker from the packet she hid in her purse for the long hours between the first bell and lunch. "Apparently, the two of you hang out all the time in her parents' new indoor pool, and you spill all sorts of dirty details about Potter."

"I do not."

Mary rolls her eyes and slams her locker closed. "Of course,  _I_ know that, idiot. You're too busy spilling all of the dirty details to  _me_."

"Shut up," says Lily, nudging her friend's arm with her stack of books, though she's smiling. "There are no dirty details to share. Did you set her straight?"

"Nah. Thought it might be more fun to do it later." Mary has a mischievous glint in her eye when she adds innocently, "Maybe at Hannah Holiday's party this weekend."

Lily scoffs. "How are we getting invited to  _that_?"

It's not that she's ordinarily unpopular, exactly. People - besides Petunia - don't go out of their way to bully her or make high school miserable. There's a few comments here and there, but she doesn't live in fear of walking through the door every morning. Most of her time is spent with members of the same clubs and honors classes that make a small but content circle. She's never been invited to the kind of party they include in all the wild movies about high school.

"Because you, Lily Evans, have a golden ticket to any party in this whole school."

"What are you talking about?"

" _James_."

With all the changes that came from being James' girlfriend, Lily hasn't really considered this. More people are paying attention to her, sure, but she hasn't really thought about what that attention might mean, beyond the original goal. She hadn't fully thought that it might fundamentally change the way she's been doing high school for the past three and a half years.

Mary could be right. Is James expected at these kind of gatherings?

"You're ridiculous," Lily dismisses, rounding the corner towards their next class. "Besides, he hasn't said anything about a party, so I don't know what he has to do with -"

"Last minute plans, I hear. She only started telling everyone about it this morning. He probably hasn't had a chance to ask you," Mary answers quickly. "Honestly, do you miss  _everything_ , Lils? Holiday's parents are going to some emergency marriage counseling trip. I guess her mom caught her dad with a  _friend_  this week. They left her the house for the weekend."

"So she's having a party? And you think we should go?"

"I bet your new bestie would  _love_ to see you there."

Lily puts a hand on her hip. "Would my  _actual_  bestie like to see me there?"

Mary turns away and looks preoccupied by fidgeting with her hair to make it lay properly by the side of her face. "It could be fun," Mary offers, as if it's not important to her. From the way she glances at her out of the corner of her eye and away, however, Lily can tell that it is.

"You really want to go to this thing?" Lily puts a hand on Mary's arm and pulls them both to a stop a few steps away from the classroom door. She checks her watch quickly, but they have a minute or two before the late bell will ring.

Mary shrugs, but one corner of her mouth is already turned into a half-smirk. "Why not, Lils? It's our senior year. We should take some chances. New experiences are good for you."

Lily levels a cool gaze at her for only a few seconds before cracking. "Okay, fine," she says, rolling her eyes like her best friend is the oddest person she knows. "I'll ask him about it."

"Thanks, love!" Mary squeezes her in a quick hug and flounces into the classroom, claiming their usual seats in the middle like nothing unusual happened.

Mary knows to quit when she's ahead.

Even with Mary sitting beside her for the whole next class, practically vibrating in anticipation, it passes pretty quickly. It's too early in the semester - and college acceptances still haven't arrived in the mail - for senioritis to crush them too intensely.

Then the bell rings, and it's time for lunch.

This has also become a new wrinkle in their routine. Before, she waited in the line with Mary, even on the days where she packed something, and found the end of a table to claim as theirs. Now, she still waits in line with her friend most days, but they have new table spots.

Lily slides into the seat next to James, putting her hand over his and squeezing to announce her presence. "Hey, everyone," she greets and turns to James with a smile she doesn't have to fake. "Missed you."

"Evans," he greets in turn, grinning. Her name is a low, rumbling sound in the back of his throat. Almost like a growl. It tints her cheeks pink and causes a laugh to bubble out of her own mouth when she thinks how much higher pitched his screams are when she spooks him. "How was your morning?"

"It was alright," she answers, ignoring the way Mary coughs into her yogurt. She turns back to the rest of the table, ignoring the sparks that travel up her fingers when James' hand moves under hers. "I was thinking we should all do something this weekend."

"Oh yeah," he says, covering his mouth with his hand and chewing on a bite of sandwich. Even  _that_ is somehow attractive, damn him. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Um," Lily starts, aware of Mary's expectations and the weight of Sirius' gaze on her. "There has to be something we could all do. Maybe -"

"I heard there's some big party this weekend," Mary interrupts, clearly thinking her friend is incapable of asking herself. Admittedly, she may be right. "Holiday, or someone, has their house to themselves?"

Mary could rival Petunia on the dramatics. She gestures with her spoon, shrugging and looking like she's searching her mind for details, rather than using a carefully thought-out strategy. She should have known Mary was plotting something when she was so quiet in class.

Lily kicks her under the table, but that doesn't deter her.

"She invited us this morning during Government," says James, stretching his arm across the back of her chair. He looks at Lily, a single eyebrow quirked. "I didn't think you'd want to go, though. I mean - do you?"

"It could be fun," Lily answers, determinedly ignoring Mary by turning to face James. Despite her efforts to ignore her friend, it's her reasoning that she leans on for why she might want to go to a type of party where she's never been. "I mean, why not? It's our senior year and…" She leans forward, tilting her chin back to hold his gaze. "I'll have you to keep me company."

Someone on the other side of the table muffles a snort, but Lily doesn't move to figure out who.

"Are you sure? I mean - yeah, I'll keep you company alright," he says, grinning. "But I could keep you company doing  _other_ things too."

"Oh  _God,"_ groans Sirius, choking on a bit of chicken. "We're right here!"

Remus helpfully thumps him on the back, but it doesn't make James hesitate. "Not like  _that,_ Sirius!" hisses James. "I meant like a movie or something!"

"Sure you did," says Sirius, safe from the perils of chicken. He shifts his gaze to Lily. "Listen, Evans. Holiday's party… I don't really think that's going to be your  _scene,_ per say. No offense."

Although her cheeks still burn from his previous comment, Lily whips her head around to face him. "What does  _that_ mean, Black? Afraid that being seen with me will ruin your reputation?"

Sirius laughs, outright  _laughs_ in her face, causing her breath to hitch in her throat from anger.

"No, no," he says, smiling so widely she can see his canines. "Nothing like that. I simply mean that I don't think you have been to a party since that game of Spin the Bottle in middle school, and well, things have changed. It's not the typical stuff you would get into as captain of the debate team and what have you."

That's what he thinks. Like Petunia, he doesn't think she's a girl who is capable of snagging a boy like James Potter and rising to the top of high school. He shoved her into a box during the summer between middle and high school and doesn't think she can fit back into their new playset. He thinks the idea of her even going to a party, let alone looking comfortable at one, is laughable.

The challenge - since she knows this is something of a game to Sirius - can't go unanswered. Even if they don't remember how to be friends (yet, anyway, she tells herself), he remembers how to push the right buttons to make her react.

It's worse because he doesn't know the main reason that particular incident makes her fingers curl so her nails dig into her palm.

"Well, Black, like you said, 'things have changed.'" Across from her, Mary's eyes grow wide and her yogurt goes ignored, but Lily has Sirius in her sights. "If it's where my  _boyfriend_  goes on Friday night, that's where you'll find me." With a straight back and her chin held high, she turns back to the boy sitting next to her. "James, will you go to Holiday's party with me?"

He doesn't make her wait.

"Sure thing, Lils," says James, though his eyes are also fixed towards Sirius. "I'd love to take you."

She can practically feel her head swelling in victory. She doesn't need to see Sirius' expression to know that she won this round.

In a fit of daring, inspired by the heat on her face and racing of her heartbeat, Lily lifts a hand to James' cheek. Gently, she coaxes him to face her. His hardened expression only meets hers for a second before she props herself up and presses her lips to his.

It's only for a brief moment, but that's apparently all it takes for James' jaw to relax under her fingertips and the curve of his smile to return to his lips, still pressed so very tightly to her own.

If she needed a boost of confidence to face Sirius or the party or anything else, this spark would be enough. The lightning it inspires races down to her toes. It's a second heady shot of adrenaline that makes her thankful for the solid bench beneath her and James' steady arm by her shoulders.

When she pulls away, eyes blazing as she attempts to catch her breath, nothing about her smile is forced. In the last few seconds, their ordinary lunch cafeteria has taken on a shining quality she hasn't seen before in the linoleum and tables.

"So," Mary says, quirking her brow and taking another bite of yogurt. It draws Lily's attention away from James to the look on her best friend's face that suggests that she knows too much. "I guess we have plans Friday night."


	6. ... Ready for It?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's put the Prom in Prom Fic! 
> 
> Happy holidays from Marieka & Sam! <3

**__** _“Baby, let the games begin.”_

\--

As frustrated as James is with his best friend at the moment, he has to admit that the other boy had a point at their lunch table. Things _have_ changed since their middle school days of Spin the Bottle, in more ways than one.

James finds himself feeling nearly sick to his stomach over it.

Not that James actually _goes_ to as many parties lately, but he thinks that he has gone to enough to know that it’s _not_ Lily Evans’ scene. A quiet night at home baking or watching a movie… _that_ is more like Evans. 

Not watching Sirius do keg stand after keg stand and then carrying him home several hours later and tucking him into bed. Honestly, he’s surprised that his best friend hasn’t nearly died of alcohol poisoning at this point.

Not that that would be _everyone’s_ party experience, but it has been James’ for awhile now.

James sighs as he pulls into Lily’s driveway before blowing on the horn with less gusto than he normally does in the mornings. 

He knows _why_ she’s doing this, of course. 

To build their reputation. To establish themselves as _that_ couple. Not because she actually _wants_ to go. And, he suspects, Maryhas something to do with it. He doesn’t actually _know_ Mary all that well, really. She moved here their first year of high school and hit it off with Lily while he and Lily were falling apart. 

But sometimes he catches Mary looking at him. 

Not in that way, with _the look_ like some of the other girls give him when he’s walking down the hallway in his letterman jacket or ruffling his hair out of habit. Rather, she looks at him like she’s trying to figure him out. Like she’s trying to figure _him and Lily_ out, more specifically.

Something tells him that Mary might be able to figure out more than he’d like.

The Evans’ front porch light flickers on, causing a few moths to scatter around it, and his thoughts are shaken from Mary. They’re focused instead on Lily, who has just walked out of her front door. With a smile of recognition that takes over her entire expression, she waves when she spots his car in the driveway. She turns around quickly, animatedly talking to someone inside the house. James’ eyes skim down her back and his letterman jacket over her shoulders, stopping at the edge. 

Instantly, he notes that those are _definitely_ not the jeans Lily wears to school every day.

He looks up at the back of her head again, as if she’ll catch him in the act, in time to see Lily’s best friend shut the door behind her and hurry down the driveway to catch up with her.

Lily gets to the car first with enough time to open the passenger side, sit down, and close the door quickly. “Hey,” she greets, a little breathless and looking adorably apologetic. “Sorry, I didn’t warn you. Mary stopped by to get ready, and I didn’t -”

“Potter!” Mary calls as one of the back doors opens. She slides to the middle of the backseat and leans into the space between the driver and passenger seats. 

“Macdonald!” James shouts back. 

He’s not sure whyhe’s yelling, but it’s still not nearly as loud as the white noise inside his own head. If Lily’s jeans weren’t enough to drive him mad, the top underneath his jacket is. It’s as tight as her jeans and far more daring and low cut than anything she’s ever worn before. 

Black is a dangerous color. 

Especially on Lily. 

James’ hand twitches on the steering wheel. 

“Put your seatbelt on, Mary,” Lily admonishes, though James can hear the affection in her tone. 

“Okay, okay.” Her friend moves to the seat behind him, meaning he can only see part of her face in the rearview mirror. 

“Like I was saying, Mary surprised me and dropped by to help me get ready. I didn’t have a chance to text you… I hope it’s okay?”

“Of course,” James says, his voice slightly hoarse. He clears his throat, hoping they don’t notice, but he sees Mary smirk in the mirror. 

It’s not unusual for James to become flustered around Lily. In fact, it’s very common. 

The problem is, whenever James enters flustered territory, he ends up making a fool out of himself. If the first few minutes are any indication, he’s certain that he’s going to make a mockery of himself of the most catastrophic proportions tonight. 

If Lily notices the catch in his voice, she doesn’t point it out. 

“If my mom asks, by the way,” she says, “you know Hannah’s parents and they _definitely_ know about this. Parent approved and everything.” Lily smooths her hands over her legs and those distracting jeans.

“Don’t be so nervous, Lils,” Mary says from the backseat, leaning against the door enough that her face is hidden from James’ view. “I think, as teenagers, we’re _supposed_ to rebel a little bit. It’ll be fun.”

“I’m not nervous,” she answers. Lily busies her hands with his phone, as if it’s another morning on the way to school and she wants to critique his music selection. “On the plus side,” Lily adds, mostly ignoring Mary and not looking up from the screen, “I don’t have a curfew tonight.”

James quirks an eyebrow. 

It feels like bait being placed before him, dangling in the form of Lily Evans in tight jeans and no curfew. The thought of having Lily to himself all night suddenly makes him wish they were doing something with their night other than going to a party at Hannah Holiday’s house. It makes his head spin.

Curse his teenage hormones. 

“Are you guys having a sleepover after the party, then?”

He’s somehow both hoping she’ll say no and yes. 

No, because he wants her all to _himself_ because he’s a teenage boy.

Yes, because he wants her all to himself _because_ he’s a teenage boy. 

“I didn’t even know we were giving Mary a ride until she showed up on my doorstep and told me I needed to change in order to be seen in public with her,” Lily answers teasingly, turning her head to make a face at Mary in the backseat. “Not sure we have after plans.”

“I don’t know about you, Evans,” Mary counters, propping her feet on the console. “Maybe I’ll be too busy because Holiday will invite me to the after-party as her new best friend and let me raid her closet.”

Lily scoffs and leans back in her seat. “As if you could last more than five minutes alone with Hannah Holiday as company.” She cuts a glance across the car at James. “Sorry,” she says, catching herself and wincing. “I heard you’re friends with her.”

James snorts. “When have you ever seen me hanging out with Hannah Holiday?”

“You _did_ get invited to her party, Potter,” Mary says. “Plus, there were all those rumors a few months ago about -”

“Those don't matter,” Lily interrupts, putting a hand over his on the gear shift and letting her hair fall over her cheek. “Not now, anyway.”

“What rumors?”asks James, but he’s met with only a laugh from Mary and blaring music as they pull into Hannah Holiday’sneighborhood. 

Cars are lined up, parked not so gracefully in the Holidays’ driveway and yard, spilling into the street. James barely manages to find a spot two houses down before Mary hops out, grinning. 

Lily, though, remains seated. She looks over her shoulder to check that Mary isn't really paying attention before she turns back to him. “Is there anything specific I should know or do while we’re in there?” 

“No, not really,” says James before running a hand through his hair. “Well, yes, actually. Don’t take anything Sirius offers you to drink. He thinks he’s a bartender, but really whatever he mixes together ends up tasting awful.” 

“Noted. Especially since he hasn't decided that he likes me again yet.” Lily makes a face but covers it quickly with a smile. “You have to promise not to abandon me in there, since it's not my usual thing and all.”

“Evans,” says James, offering her his hand and lacing their fingers together. “I would never.”

She takes his hand and leans in toward him. “I’ll hold you to that, Potter.” 

Before she can say or do anything else, however, there’s an insistent tapping on the car window that pulls her away, her fingers still locked with his but her attention on her friend’s half-smirk.

“Come on, lovebirds,” Mary taunts when Lily pushes the passenger side door open with her foot. “I’m sure there will be plenty of places to be alone inside, if that’s what you want, but let’s make our appearance first, yeah?”

“We’re coming,” Lily answers, stepping out of the car and shutting the door behind her. “Maybe I _will_ leave you with Holiday.”

Mary grins at her. “You love me.”

Lily looks down at her outfit and smooths her hands over her thighs again, like she isn’t quite used to wearing it. Which she _isn’t_ , he knows, since James would remember if she wore those same jeans before tonight. She straightens and tucks her phone in her back pocket, looking at him and holding her hand out for him to take again. 

“Ready?”

\--

Once the door opens, the party hits Lily like the camera pan in all of the teen movies she has watched for years. Dozens of students in modified versions of what they wear to school, loud music that practically shakes the windows of the house, and Hannah’s over-charged smile hit her all at once.

Luckily, she has James’ hand firmly in hers.

Really, he should be the one asking if she is ready, but his vow is better than that. He has been here before and knows more of what to expect, while Lily is relying on a questionable store of media depictions to lead the way. 

Honestly, though, Lily is probably _never_ going to be fully ready for this.

Not that she doesn’t _want_ to be there. No one needed to drag or prod her to go, not really, when the opportunity presented itself. 

It’s a little bit of proving something to Sirius, a little bit of making her best friend happy, a little bit of experiencing something while she can, and a little bit of an excuse to show off and hold onto her (fake) boyfriend. 

It fits in perfectly with their plan. A picture-perfect way to show the whole school that they’re a couple - _the_ couple - and not just a rumor.

How should James Potter’s girlfriend act at a party?

Eyes immediately find them when they walk in together. Lily knows, no matter what else happens, that it was a good decision if their goal was to make themselves known. People are already talking, and now they’ve given them more of a reason to talk.

Hannah’s smile stays in place, but it’s slightly forced when she sees their interlocked hands and looks back up, fingers still on the open door. “Hey, James,” she greets, adopting the enthusiastic tone of a tour guide. “Everyone. Come in!”

“Hi, Hannah,” Lily answers, tossing her hair proudly and accompanied by a spike of guilt for the way her connection to James makes her feel more powerful. As if having a boy by her side is the only thing she needed to change from her usual self to the kind of girl who unquestioningly belongs in the middle of every social event. She shoves it aside, trying to turn the feeling into inspiration. 

“I can’t give you the full tour right now,” Hannah says, pushing the door closed once they’re inside and gesturing to the level of activity that’s keeping her busy. “You know how it is.” She smirks, knowing very well that Lily has no idea what it’s like to throw a party like this. “I think James knows his way around, though?” 

Her brow lifts, and Lily knows it’s the teenage girl version of a challenge. A way of subtly saying something that no one can call out directly. It unlocks a need in Lily - the need to prove that she is the one on James’ arm and not this person, who thinks her shiny hair and history of getting what she wants will win him.

She’ll take it. Party Lily isn’t the usual Lily. She wears tight jeans that Mary brought with her and participates in the backhanded games found in mean girl movies. It’s like playing a character - a dialed up version of herself who hooked James Potter, can’t keep her hands off him, and wants everyone to know. 

“Oh, we’re fine,” she assures Hannah. Lily looks up at James, moving closer so their shoulders brush and her wide eyes meet his. “I’m sure we’ll find our way,” she says in a sugary-sweet voice that isn’t quite her own. 

Mary coughs behind them, so she knows it’s at least a decent job. 

“Yeah, we’re more than fine,” says James looking at her with such a lovesick expression that Lily is certain Sirius would vomit if he had front row seats to it. “Perfect, really. We probably won’t be staying for that long, anyway. Just enough so people get used to seeing us together, so they know who to vote for. You know, for prom court.”

He turns to grin at Hannah, the kind Lily knows from previous years of experience is meant to torment the person it’s turned on. 

It works, as the cup Hannah’s clutching caves in from her too-tight grasp, sloshing beer across her too-pressed blouse. 

“Prom court?” Hannah shrieks.

Actuallyshrieks.

Honestly, Lily wasn’t sure if they were actually going to invoke the words tonight, but her grin isn’t faked at all when she squeezes James’ hand. If it can upset Hannah this much, then their plan to get to Petunia will work _flawlessly_. 

“Isn’t it wonderful?” she asks, fully knowing that Hannah finds it anything _but_ wonderful. She pressed her hip against the boy next to her. “James will be the perfect Prom King.”

Mary does a good job of not making a surprised noise behind her, but Lily can practically feel her best friend’s eyes on her. She owes her an explanation, she knows, but they’ll have time for it later. 

Now, the campaign begins. 

“Not nearly as perfect as you as the Prom Queen, darling.” James gives Lily a wink that only she can see before speaking to Hannah. “Can’t you just picture it, Holiday? Lily, crown on top of her head. The whole senior class cheering for her. And, of course, me, right there next to her.”

Hannah looks as though she canpicture it. Quite vividly, and it enrages her, apparently, as her eyes widen and nostrils flare. All that rage can’t seem to form itself into words, though, as Hannah stutters when she opens her mouth. “I - no - that can’t - _what?”_

“Anyway,” says James, holding up Lily’s hand and leading her away from a gaping Hannah Holiday. “Make sure to tell your friends to vote for us! Every vote matters!”

“Thanks, Hannah!” Lily calls over her shoulder, grateful when James pulls them away. 

The greeting went better than she could have imagined, thanks to James. Ending the conversation means she’s made it through a few of the most important steps to successfully navigating her first capital-letter High School Party. Greet the hostess, make an entrance, flaunt her relationship, and state their intentions.

Based on Hannah’s reaction, the Potter/Evans ticket will be at the front of everyone’s mind come Monday.

“That was perfect,” Lily whispers to him, moving onto her toes to get closer to his ear. “I swear, Hannah was going to -”

“Is that what this whole thing is about?”

Lily turns quickly to see Mary with her hands on her hips, surveying their clasped hands. “What?”

“Are you messing with Holiday or…?”

“Of course not,” Lily answers quickly. She winces. “Well, I guess we were just then, but _no_ , Mary. That’s not what this is about.” Her voice is thick with conviction, though maybe that’s because Mary is sometimes a little _too_ good at reading Lily. “James and I were talking about it the other day and thought… why not, you know? It could be fun. To run and see if we could win.” 

“Fun?You,Lily Evans, thought it would be funto run for Prom Queen? Am I missing something?” Mary is staring at Lily as though she doesn’t know her. As though she probably neverknew her, and Lily can’t blame her. 

Before Christmas break, they spent several nights laughing about the runner-up tiara and sash Petunia lovingly keeps on her vanity. They made jokes about movies where the protagonist cared more about getting a date to Prom than getting into her top choice college. 

The James Potter’s girlfriend version of Lily is different.

“No, no,” says James, stepping in front of Lily and taking the full wrath of Mary’s raised eyebrows. “She doesn’t mean it like that. I mean, obviously I was taunting Holiday back there, but that’s what I do. I prank people. I rile them up. She had it coming with the way she greeted Lily as soon as we stepped foot in her house. But what Lily means, what she’s really trying to say is… okay, so you know how you only live once?”

Mary looks back at James as though he’s stupid. James assumes that she’s listening, at least, and continues, a hand running through his hair nervously. “Well, you only go through high school once too, right? And if you’re going to do it… you might as well do it right. Experience everything that you can. Leave no stone unturned. No regrets.”

“Just,” says Mary, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, “get to the point.”

“The point is, Lily is trying to make the best of her senior year. To experience more. It’s all for fun, but you shouldn’t have found out this way. That was shitty of me, and I’m sorry.”

“James is right, but it’s my fault,” Lily adds, stepping beside James and willing Mary to understand with her expression. This was a conversation that should have happened in Mary’s car and not the middle of Hannah Holiday’s house, bursting with drunk teenagers. “I should have told you. It’s no excuse, but I was nervous about the party and a little of what you would think. But it won’t happen again.” 

Mary eyes her for a few heavy seconds, assessing whether she can find a lie in Lily’s statements. 

“You can be our Campaign Manager, if you want,” Lily offers, taking a chance that her friend’s silence can be broken with a half-joke, half-promise and smile, which usually means she needs Mary to help her plan something. 

Mary rolls her eyes, but Lily knows that’s victory.

“Okay, well,” she answers, going straight into business. “If I’m going to do this, I’m going to need full access to your schedules, and I’m going to have to know who you’re running against. Hannah is a given.” Mary looks at Lily, arms crossed. “You’re behind, you know. If you’re serious about running, we need to get your posters up by next week.”

“I didn’t even know we had to do posters,” says James, blinking. “I thought we just told people to vote for us.”

“God,” huffs Mary. “You’re completely hopeless. Thank God you have me now. Lily and I will handle the posters, the slogan, everything. All you have to do is be charming and show up. And maybe piss Hannah off some more so she’s not on the top of her game.”

James grins. “I can do that.”

“Thank God we have you,” Lily echoes Mary, both because she means it (how can they already be _behind_?) and because she knows it will seal this conversation as a win. This was another unplanned stop, but Mary has to be on their side. On _her_ side. “We’ll have a whole strategy meeting. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right.” She grins when she sees the wheels turning in her friend’s head, coming up with the kind of plans that could probably win the White House. 

Lily casts a meaningful look at her hand, still wrapped in James’, and back up at her friend. “Now, Mary, can you please go enjoy the party you wanted to come to so badly?”

Mary switches gears quickly, following Lily’s gaze to their hands and not even bothering to contain her smirk. “Okay, I can take a hint.” She looks over at James with the no-nonsense expression that only a best friend can get away with giving to someone’s boyfriend. “I know where you live, Potter.” Her voice holds just enough teasing to make it not quite a threat before she turns back to Lily. “Have fun, Lils.” 

With a little wave, she slips into the party.

“So,” Lily says, letting out a breath. “That went well?”

“Better than expected,” agrees James, letting out a low whistle. “I was expecting a full blown interrogation. Nice move with that Campaign Manager bit.” 

“Oh, there will be a full interrogation,” she assures him. “I'm sure she's saving that for me.” Lily shakes her head. “Best friends, you know? Speaking of, I wonder what yours thinks of all this.”

“Of me and you?”

“I don’t think he’s changed his mind about me yet,” she answers. “I don’t know how to make him do that, but what will he think about you as Prom King?”

“Oh,” says James, running a hand through his hair. “He, uh, he doesn’t know about that… just yet.”

“Nobody does. Didn’t you hear Mary say that we’re apparently _behind_?” She let her eyes drift over the party, from the small crowd around what has to be the stock of alcohol, to a few couples who probably need to find a more private place. “What do we do here?”

“Well, that, my dear, is the easy part,” says James, leading her directly into the crowd. “We mingle. We socialize. We make ourselves known _._ Tonight we become _that couple._ ” 

“One of my best models of a high school party is _Easy A_ ,” she admits, letting him tug her along because his hand is warm in hers. What can go wrong, when he’s next to her and brimming with the confidence of a Prom King in the making? “I don’t think it’s time for thatkind of entrance yet.” 

“You mean you don’t want to pretend to be drunk with me and jump around on the bed to make our whole senior class think we’re doing it?”

“At least not until Prom Night.” She grins and lets herself think, just for a few seconds, that James invited her with no strings attached. That they would be here, even if she didn’t have an awful sister and a need to prove herself. That he might have asked her to be his date, even without a deal made on Christmas morning.

James grins and it’s nearly heartbreakingly bright.

“We’ll call that our grand finale,” he whispers in her ear. 

She tries to ignore the tingles that shiver down her spine, both from his close proximity and the fact that he’s expecting there to be a finale.

An end. 

Why wouldn’t he? 

It’s part of their deal. It’s not like she doesn’t know this, but it’s much easier to deal with in the back of her head. 

If there is to be a finale, she thinks, this is the curtain rising on the first act of the play. They’re directly in the middle of the crowd and James weaves them through it naturally and with ease, as though he’s used to the mass of their student body parting for him. 

Sirius is in the middle of the action, and Lily wonders why she suspected anything different. He has the stereotypical red solo cup in his hand, but Lily wonders if that makes him feel much different from the way her head spins with so many people she only barely knows so close.

“James!” Sirius calls his name and loops over to throw his arms over their shoulders, not-so-accidentally coming between them. “And Evans! You made it! Tell me, is this everything you dreamed of?”

“You don't feature so prominently in my dreams, Black,” she replies, casting a glance behind Sirius’ shoulder to find James again.

“God, Sirius,” groans James, scrunching his nose. “How much have you had to drink? Your breath is awful.” 

Sirius shrugs, and Lily feels his arm shift on her shoulders. “Remus decided he needed to study tonight and Pete ran off with a girl, so I had to entertain myself somehow. But now you're here with Evans, your _girlfriend_.”

“Yeah, and I’m positive she doesn’t appreciate your odor either.” James shoves Sirius gently, causing the other boy to stumble.

“You’re no fun,” pouts Sirius, giving a very good impression of a wounded puppy. “At least not recently.” 

“I don't agree with that,” Lily remarks, disentangling herself from Sirius. “Maybe you're projecting. I learned about it in psychology last semester.” 

“Yeah, Evans? Well, what's the psychology of some girl messing with my best friend?”

_“Hey,”_ hisses James. “She’s not _messing_ with me, you asshole. God, what’s your problem? You’ve been acting like a jerk ever since Lily and I started going out!”

“ _My_ problem?” repeats Sirius. “It’s not _my problem_ yet, but I’m damn well certain it will be when all of this blows up in your face… _again!”_

“Don’t go there,” growls James. “It’s not even the same thing.”

“Isn’t it, though?”

“It's not,” Lily adds, putting some force behind her voice. “It's nothing like that.”

This time, she's determined not to lose him. This time, they will talk every night and not let the channel between them widen. This time, she has the past to lean on to make sure she doesn't repeat an old mistake. 

This time, she already knows what a hole in her heart feels like.

Sirius scoffs. “It looks the same to me. Finally ready for something more intense than Spin the Bottle, Evans?”

“You don't know what you're talking about, Sirius. You're just scared James will occasionally want to spend time with someone who isn't you.”

_“You’re_ the one who doesn’t know what she’s talking about, Evans. You don’t even know the half of it.” 

“That’s enough, Sirius,” says James, stepping in front of Lily. “You’re acting like an idiot. People are staring.” 

People are, Lily sees when she turns her head. What had once been a scattered crowd of people, talking amongst themselves, has turned into a circle around them. 

“I’macting like an idiot?” snorts Sirius. “I’m not the sucker about to get his heart broken again.”

_“Shut up,”_ hisses James as people gasp and whisper around them, as though they’re fish in a tank on display. “Everyone can hear you!”

“What’s the matter, Potter? Don’t enjoy a crowd?”

“Okay, you know what?” James shouts, climbing onto Hannah’s breakfast bar so that he’s standing above everyone. “I would _love_ a crowd actually.” 

Lily isn't so sure she agrees with him. 

So much of high school, for her, as been about being the right amount of invisible. Being visible enough that people know a surface level of her while being invisible enough to hide away from the worst of rumors. Avoiding questions with hard answers and doing what she needs to get out of her house come fall.

How did she let Mary talk her into this shirt, when half of the school is staring at her? Does she look like a little girl playing dress up? Are her cheeks turning the same shade as her hair?

Despite the spike of nerves and fear that runs through her mind, James is on the breakfast bar, in the middle of some fight with his best friend about _them_ of all things, and she knows where James Potter's girlfriend should be right now.

She takes a step toward him, holding her chin high to ignore Sirius and try to catch his gaze. “I can assure you, James,” she says in a clear voice over the murmur of the crowd. “I have no intention of breaking your heart.”

James smiles at her words, and Lily can see through the lopsided-ness of it that her words mean everything to him. Or, at least, that’s what he is portraying it to mean in this little act of theirs. 

Of course, Hannah chooses thatmoment to come back from whatever a hostess does during these kinds of parties, stopping in the doorway. She watches them in shock for a moment, as if that will provide some kind of explanation. 

Lily can feel the curtain falling on the first scene before James even opens his mouth. 

“Attention, everyone!” he calls dramatically, as if every single pair of eyes isn’t already on him. “I would just like to announce that _my girlfriend,_ Lily Evans, and I will be running for Prom King and Queen! Vote Potter and Evans!”

She laughs, partly because the whole scene is overly dramatic and belongs in a movie rather than her life. Partly because she doesn’t know what else to do. Partly because a happy bubble grows in her chest and wants to be released. Partly because the way James is grinning lights up his face, and she wants to keep it there. 

He always manages to make her laugh.

Lily gives a little wave for the benefit of the crowd. She doesn't have to look at the doorway to know Hannah isn't pleased with the direction of the party, and she doesn't want to give Sirius the satisfaction of visually caring about his reaction. There is enough movement and bits of conversation going on around her to know that James’ announcement made an impact.

Thatwas loads better than any poster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check us out on Tumblr @gingerinthesequel, @alrightginger, & @women-inthesequel!


	7. New Year's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is Marieka's birthday, so go show her some love on her tumblr @women-inthe-sequel! We hope you're still enjoying this fic. Please don't forget to leave a comment!

" _Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere."_

_\--_

_James can't stop thinking about the kiss he shared with Lily at the playground._

_Perfect, she called it._

_He clings to that word as much as the kiss itself, letting both of them swirl around his thoughts and make it impossible to think about much else. He's never had the word 'perfect' used in the same sentence as his name or in reference to him. His mother often states that she knows he's_ not  _perfect several times a week, especially on days he brings home a detention slip._

_As perfect as Lily said the kiss was, however, she hasn't mentioned it once since it happened._

_No subtle comments or brief glances that could have a deeper meaning. No declarations of her undying love for him, which he is not totally surprised to realize that he has imagined in his head several times. There hasn't even been a, "hey, remember that time we kissed?"_   _moment._

_It's as though she doesn't remember it at all. Or she's trying not to._

_In fact, she hardly looks at James anymore. At least, not in the same sort of way she used to before the kiss. Now, when she does look at him, it's quick, as though she can't stare too long. He's always catching her turning away whenever he tries to look at her._

_He wonders with a pang if she regrets the kiss._

_He certainly doesn't._

_It's the only_   _thing he can seem to think about lately, and what's worse is that he always seems to be thinking about it during horribly inappropriate times._

_Like three days ago when he should have been studying for his math test. And again when he was actually taking the test, which he is most positive that he bombed._

_Like two days ago, before a family dinner, when he saw the freckles scattered on Lily's eyelids and felt the curve of her jaw against his fingertips, instead of hearing his mother reminding him to set the table._

_Just yesterday, when he was walking home from school and stopped at the local gas station to get a slurpee. Instead of getting his usual favorite, he accidentally got a blue raspberry. He didn't realize his horrible mistake until he was outside of the store and took a giant gulp, only to spray it in Sirius' face the next second._

_And it's happening again. Currently, in his English Literature class, where he should be focused on some depressed, tired man and a bird who won't leave him alone, but he's too busy doodling Lily's initials on his in-class assignment._

_Luckily, Mrs. Bruner doesn't seem to notice or even care._

_She's sort of given up at this point in the school year. Not that James can blame her. After all, he probably would have given up too, if his whole career revolved around depressing blokes with rude birds._

" _What'd you get for number one?" Sirius asks, leaning so far over that his desk lifts slightly off the ground. "Oh, Christ. Are you really doing this again? This is the fifth time this week I've caught you writing Lily's name on your paper instead of your own."_

" _Mind your own business," snaps James, pulling his paper away and attempting to hide it._

" _Mr. Black!" chides Mrs. Bruner. "Eyes on your own paper, please!"_

" _What!" exclaims Sirius. "That's not fair! You're not even teaching us anymore! Can't I at least cheat a little?"_

" _Mr. Black!"_

" _Sorry, sorry," mutters Sirius. His desk hits the ground with a thump, and he waits until Mrs. Bruner is focused on her novel again before speaking to James. "What's your problem? She's just Lily."_

_James snorts._

_Of course she's 'just Lily'_   _to Sirius. How could she be anything to him other than his pal?_

_Sirius hasn't started to look at girls the way James has looked at Lily lately. Then again, James suspects that he's the only one of his friends who has developed an interest in girls - even if his interest is, admittedly, specific to one particular girl._

_When Sirius and Remus aren't over at his place playing Xbox, all they're doing is hanging out with each other. Neither of them ever mention any girls, and he never catches them trying to catch a glimpse of ponytail when they think no one else is looking. And Peter… James isn't sure what Peter gets into after school, but he's certain that it isn't girls._

_Perhaps he's matured faster than his friends, and they'll catch up. His mother always said he was tall for his age. Maybe this is something similar._

" _She's not 'just Lily,'" admonishes James underneath his breath. "At least, not anymore. Not for awhile now."_

_Sirius leans forward in his seat, more interested in James' love life than the paper in front of him. "Well, are you going to do something about it? Or are you going to stare at the back of her head until she asks if you have a concussion?"_

" _I already have_   _done something!" James argues. He pauses and amends, "Well, sort of. The problem is, after the something… nothing really happened."_

 _His friend lifts a brow in a way that is much smoother than any teenager should be able to get away with. "Something that didn't happen_   _while you were alone in your bedroom?"_

" _What do you -_ no!  _We kissed in the park," hisses James, quietly so no one around them can hear. Not that it matters. Frank has been asleep for the past twenty minutes, and Peter is listening to his headphones. "It was sort of an… arranged kiss. But it was still a kiss." A beat. "And we haven't really talked since it happened."_

_The back legs of Sirius' chair hit the ground. "What? You kissed Lily and didn't tell me?" He moves even closer to James' desk, clearly ignoring any prior complaints from their teacher. The temporary show of surprise or hurt vanishes as quickly as it came. "Well, how was it?"_

" _It was amazing," says James, running a hand through his hair and letting out a breath. "I mean, I thought it was amazing, and she said it was perfect. But I'm beginning to wonder if she really thought that."_

" _Have you actually tried to talk to her? Or just moped around and doodled her name on assignments?"_

" _Yes! Well, I mean, sort of," confesses James, hedging again. "I shouted at her from across the assembly the other day that her hair looked nice."_

 _Sirius abandons all pretense of working by dramatically putting his head in his hands. "You're hopeless." Quickly, he sits up, eyes alert and shining. "You have to do_   _something, Potter. Something someone who is just her neighbor wouldn't do."_

" _Like what?"_

" _Like find a way to kiss her again."_

" _How would I even do that? Last time she just asked me to. I doubt she'd do it again."_

" _She_ asked  _you to?" Sirius looks at him like he can't believe what he's seeing. "A girl asked you to kiss her and you… You have to give her another chance to ask or ask her yourself, idiot. If you yelled_   _at her, she probably thinks you forgot about it."_

" _You don't think she honestly thinks I forgot, do you?" asks James, a bit panicked. "Because it's all I can think about. God, I don't want her to think that. We have to do something. Fix this somehow."_

" _That's what I'm saying. You need a chance to kiss her again." Sirius drifts off while he thinks and droops in his seat. He sits up suddenly again, struck by inspiration. "A party! Don't people always sneak off to make out at parties?"_

" _A party," repeats James, perking up. "That's brilliant! Tomorrow's Friday. We could throw one together quickly, don't you think?"_

" _Of course, we can."_

" _I wouldn't even have to sneak off to make out with her. Just to talk to her, and tell her that I would like to do it again…" James muses._

" _You better practice what to say, so you don't yell about her hair again." Sirius taps his pen against his desk. "Write her a note! Then she'll know about the party and that you especially want her to be there."_

" _Okay, okay," says James, turning over his assignment paper and aggressively clicking his pen. "What do I say? Oh God, how do I even invite a girl to a party?"_

" _Be cool," Sirius answers, nodding wisely. "If she doesn't know you're a total sap yet, there's hope. Maybe like… 'party at mine tomorrow - you in?'"_

" _Okay, yeah," mutters James, bending over his paper and writing each letter slowly. "But like this? So it's, you know, a bit smoother?"_

_He hands Sirius the note, the words 'party at my crib tomorrow… u in? - Prongs' written in carefully laid out chicken scratch._

" _Yes, that's perfect," says Sirius, grinning in approval. "Do you want to give it to her now?"_

" _Now?" James practically yelps, glancing over to where Lily is still working on their assignment. "Like right_   _now?"_

" _When else?"_

" _After class? In the hallway? After practice? I don't know! Literally any other time?"_

" _Heck no! You're going to chicken out! Give it to me." Sirius grabs the note and begins to fold it. "I'll toss it to her myself."_

" _Okay, okay. Just - fold it in a cool sort of way."_

" _Who do you think I am?"_

_Sirius has the ability to do lots of things that James simply cannot, he realizes, watching as his friend bends and folds each corner just so. That list must include folding paper._

" _That looks good," says James, impressed._

" _Just one more," says Sirius, tongue sticking out in concentration. "There! Okay, ready? Operation Invite Evans to this Shindig is a go!"_

_James watches, half impressed and half horrified, as Sirius tosses his note clear across the room. Watches as it soars past the majority of his classmates, who don't even bother to look up. Watches, almost in slow motion, as his perfectly folded note hits Lily Evans square in the face._

_James can't help but stare like the whole scene is an action movie car crash._

_It's enough to jolt her from concentration, flinching and knocking the note widely off course. She whips her head around, maybe trying to find out whether the note was intended for her or the delivery method was an accident._

_James is still watching from across the room, and she meets his eyes quickly._

" _Sorry," he mouths, ignoring the way Sirius shoves his elbow into James' side. James points to the note on the floor, hoping that Sirius' less-than-perfect spiral doesn't mean she lost track of it. "For you."_

_Lily nods, accepting the situation when she realizes it's James. She bends like she's going to check her books beneath her desk but scoops up the note instead. Sliding it under her assignment, she carefully unfolds it and reads._

_When she looks back up at him with a grin, James wonders if it's possible to start literally flying with Lily Evans' smile as his fuel. She flashes him a thumbs up, lighting up the entire room, and nothing, absolutely nothing can compare to Lily Evans saying yes to him._

" _That went well," adds Sirius, extremely close to James. He scooted his desk over to get a better look without James noticing, distracted as he was by Lily._

" _Better than expected," grins James, high-fiving Sirius in triumph. "Much, much better than expected."_

" _Mr. Potter and Mr. Black!" Mrs. Bruner screeches, startling them both so much that Sirius' desk nearly flips over. "Back to work!"_

* * *

It's nearing two in the morning when James and Sirius manage to sneak back into the Potter house.

Sirius is positively smashed, swaying dangerously up the stairs as James clutches him tightly. Half to steady him, half because his fists are already clenched in anger over the other boy.

Sirius is pissed too. He's told James so several times on the way home, and now several more times on the way to James' bedroom. He's pissed over Prom, over the fact that James made him leave the party early by his standards, but most of all, he's pissed over Lily.

James wishes desperately that he could shove Sirius back down into his bedroom in the basement and be done with him for the night. Wishes they could wake up with fresh heads in the morning and he wouldn't have to smell the alcohol on his best friend's breath.

But he knows he can't ditch him. Sirius is a wanderer when he's drunk and, with their shit luck, he would end up in their parents' bedroom. Then there would really be hell to pay.

James is thankful he's already dropped Lily and Mary off for the night. Partly, because the idea of having Lily Evans in his bedroom at two in the morning would be a test he's ready to fail. Mostly, because he knows his argument with Sirius hasn't even reached its peak yet.

"Watch it," hisses James as Sirius stumbles in, colliding with James' nightstand and knocking over a picture of James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter from middle school in the process. "You could have broken that!" James grabs for the picture, their smiling childhood faces beaming up at him, but Sirius beats him to it.

"Why do you still have this thing, anyway?" he scoffs, slurring his words.

"It was our eighth grade field trip to Disney! It's one of my favorite memories!"

James doesn't say the real reason. That it's the last picture he has with Lily before the party after their eighth grade year. That he wasn't sure that he would ever get another picture with her after that, so he kept it to remember that things used to be different.

"Did you also shack up with her then and not tell me?" Sirius asks with some venom in his tone.

"What are you even talking about? We were in  _eighth grade,_ Sirius. For fuck's sake."

"Well, how should I know?" Sirius gestures widely, nearly knocking over the whole nightstand. "Since you're deciding  _again_ to let the  _same girl_ stomp on your bleeding heart."

"Do you really think I would be that stupid?" hisses James through his teeth. A voice in the back of his head tells him that he is, in fact, possibly being that stupid. "I've told you time and time again that it's not like that! What is it going to take for you to believe me?"

"You keep telling yourself that." Sirius sits heavily on James' bed, at least taking the prospect of waking their parents with the crash of falling furniture off James' list of worries. "But what's actually changed? You don't talk for years, and then you're  _dating_  and you didn't even  _tell me_."

A sudden guilt washed over James, forming a pit in his stomach and dampening any sort of rage he carried home from the party.

Sirius has every right to be suspicious, James knows. He always tells his best friend  _everything._ From simple things, like the time in second grade when he, with sheer delight, told in great detail that he overheard his mother curse while making dinner, to every single embarrassing three in the morning confession of his undying love for Lily.

 _You would have told me,_ Sirius said when he first doubted their arrangement.

He was right. Had it been proper, had it been  _real,_ James would not have been able to contain himself. Especially not toward Sirius.

There is where James knows exactly how to get Sirius to believe him. To back him.

But there is also where he knows he's crossing a line. Because if he wants Sirius to be okay with his relationship with Lily, he's going to have to indulge Sirius with more information than middle school James.

But, he realizes with a sharp pain around his heart, any information he gives Sirius will be a story. A lie. A carefully planned out point in James and Lily's notebook on how to make their relationship believable _._

He doesn't want to lie to Sirius.

He wants to tell him the truth. That he's gotten himself into this great big mess pretending to be Lily Evans' boyfriend, when all he really wants is the real thing. When all he's hoping for is that one day, she'll wake up and decide that he would make an even better  _real_ boyfriend, rather than a fake one.

No notebook.

No rules.

But he knows he can't tell Sirius any of this.

Sirius wouldn't support any of this, because all it does is add evidence to his point that James is going to get his heart broken.

Sirius wouldn't be able to see his plan of winning Lily Evans over, because Sirius can't see the way Lily closes her eyes whenever he kisses her on the forehead. He can't feel the hope that James does underneath his thumb when he brushes her temple.

So, instead of all of that, he says, "You're right. I should have told you when Lily and I started talking again. I should have told you the moment I asked her out."

Sirius sits up, trying his best to focus his gaze on James. "Why didn't you?"

"I - I don't know," James admits truthfully. He runs a hand through his hair, looking at the ground. "I guess, I wanted to keep it to myself a bit. I didn't know how to tell you exactly."

Sirius stares at him intently for a few long seconds. Finally, he throws himself back on the pillows and heaves a great sigh. "God, James. You make everything so  _dramatic_. You could have just  _said_." Sirius waves his hand above him, and James isn't exactly sure what he's trying to say with it. "I'm just making sure you aren't…" He sighs again. "How is it so far?"

"Oh, you know me," says James, grinning now, some of the tension leaving his back and shoulders. He crosses the room, throwing himself down on the bed next to Sirius. "If there's room for dramatics, I'm there. And it's great. It's really, honestly great. And not just because I've had a crush on her since forever. I feel like I've gotten my best friend back."

"I never left, asshole," Sirius grumbles, but James swears he can hear a smile hidden in it. "I can come around to you being absolutely obnoxious about her again, but I can't deal with being replaced by Evans."

"You know what I mean," says James, shoving Sirius slightly with his elbow. "Trust me, no one could ever replace you. That's impossible."

"Damn right," Sirius answers, elbowing him back. "Are you going to start waxing poetry about her now that I finally know?"

"You mean, will I start comparing her to a summer's day? No, not at all. She's far more lovely."

Sirius groans and throws a pillow at him, but James can't stop smiling.

* * *

_Of all the places in the world, James' house should be the last place where she feels nervous, embarrassed, or self-conscious._

_His basement, with its familiar couch - the one they moved downstairs when Mrs. Potter ordered new things for the living room last year - and extra hook by the door for her coat, is practically an extension of her own home. It's a place where she doesn't have to knock, where she can tell by the lights if he's home and whether she can stop by to waste a few hours._

_Lily has sprawled on the couch with James a hundred times without giving it a second thought. Throughout the years, they've given the housekeeper who comes twice a week far too much work due to childhood carelessness toward mud on their sneakers and dirt on their knees. They put up tents and pretended they were world-traveling explorers in search of new species before falling asleep practically on top of each other._

_So why is the addition of a collection of boys and girls from their school enough to make her feel out of place?_

_When she told her sister about her plans for the night, Petunia got that look that always comes when she knows something Lily is too young or stupid to understand. She nodded wisely and announced that Lily was going to a Boy/Girl Party. The capital letters were audible in her tone._

_Of course, Lily argued, every party she has ever had was a boy/girl party, since James has been invited to every single one. Even when Petunia's friends were invited for a tea party, Lily picked James as her only guest and sat next to him at their own end of the table._

_This comment didn't win any favors from Petunia, who wrinkled her nose and claimed that this was_ different _._

_Lily has to admit, now that she's here, that her sister was right._

_The girls group together on one side of the room, whispering amongst themselves, while the boys are on the other side, shifting uncomfortably and barely talking. The unspoken line between them is enough to make her hesitate, even though the person she wants to talk to the most is on the other side of the line._

_Another thing, a more personal thing, also makes her hesitate, but she's still working that out in her head. Afterward, Lily tells herself. She'll talk to him afterward. When everyone else goes home and she isn't so worried about the invisible wall that separates them since they're at a capital-B-capital-G Boy/Girl Party._

_She almost wishes Mrs. Potter would come downstairs and make them play one of the silly icebreaker games she loves so much, just so someone would say something._

" _Hey," Benjy finally says, daring to be the first and looking across the room at the nervously chattering girls. "Who's up for a game of Spin the Bottle?"_

_A murmur of agreement and then excitement goes through both circles. Although Lily didn't know the implications of a Boy/Girl Party before coming, the other guests clearly did._

_Before Lily is truly aware of what's happening, they're all in a circle, so close that their knees touch the person sitting next to them. Benjy explains the rules and waves someone off to find the needed bottle for their game._

_Lily looks at the boy across from her - the same boy she's been looking at since she can remember. Her pulse quickens and she has to remind herself to breath, which is new. Outwardly, nothing has changed. James has the same mess of hair, the same spark of mischief in his eyes, the same scar on his hand from when she tried to teach him how to jump off the swings. He grins at her, and Lily has to smile back._

_No matter what, he's still James, and she's still Lily, and their names on a tree declare them to be best friends forever._

_She knows what it feels like to confess something, even though he does not know the depth of her confession. She knows what it's like to be vulnerable and ask for something that she isn't sure if he wants to give._

_She knows what it feels like to kiss him._

_Breaking their eye contact, Lily studies the Orange Crush bottle someone found, as if she can control it with her mind. Maybe this can be good. Maybe this is the middle school version of fate. Maybe the bottle will start the conversation for her._

_As the one who suggested the game, Benjy makes a show of puffing out his shoulders and reaching into the circle to spin the bottle first._

_Lily looks around the circle, silently counting how many spins she will have to wait for James to reach in for his turn. She hopes that fate will be kind and it will land on her. Hopefully, he'll want the same result._

_A soft "ooo" ripples through the assembled group, indicating that the bottle made its decision. She ignores them, too busy in her own mind to be concerned with petty issues like gossip and who has to kiss who. She has bigger things on her mind._

_It's only two more turns, she notes._

_Lily's mind is still elsewhere when the girl next to her pokes her knee. She looks up from her attempt at strategizing Spin the Bottle to see the offending bottle pointing firmly at her. Her eyes widen._

_It's too early._

_Benjy grins. The best she can manage is a shy smile in response, trying to hide the fact that there's something akin to panic buzzing in her brain._

_It's not the kiss itself that's the problem, really. She likes Benjy well enough. They have friendly conversations and get along. She trusts that he won't take advantage of a silly game. It's not that she really minds kissing Benjy, but she would much rather -_

" _So we…" Her voice doesn't sound like her own, but no one else is talking, so it has to be hers._

" _Yeah," he answers, his grin staying in place, though she sees something change in his eyes. "Okay?"_

_She knows he's sincerely asking, and her shoulders drop in slight relief. It's just a silly kiss at a silly party and it doesn't have to mean anything._

_The kiss on the playground is something else. It's not silly at all._

" _Okay," she says, and she means it. Lily leans across the circle to meet him and closes her eyes as the kiss lasts for exactly seven seconds._

_It was nice, she decides, as she sits back. His lips were soft and he didn't press too hard or try to force something that wasn't happening. It was a perfectly nice kiss. One she might be tempted to giggle about with someone in a few days._

_Somehow, though, she doesn't think she'll be thinking about this perfectly nice kiss for long._

_If anything, this cements her resolve. She needs to do something, to say something, before the forces of high school and Boy/Girl Parties find ways to make things more complicated. If she gets it all out now, they can do something about it. They can -_

_Lily shakes her head, forcing her thoughts to calm._

_Other people in the circle spin and kiss, but Lily is more concentrated on forming the perfect way to say what she's thinking. If she practices it a few ways in her head, then she's less likely to stumble when the moment comes._

_After his guests leave, Lily will pull him aside and ask if they can talk privately. He'll flash that crooked grin that he perfected at age eight to get them out of trouble and agree easily, like he always does when she suggests something. It'll be like last week, when she dared him to do something she only thought about, and they'll both feel the sparks again._

_He had to feel them too. She couldn't have imagined the way he kissed her._

_She'll tell him, and he'll smile and kiss her again and -_

_The moment comes faster than she planned, even though she spent most of the evening deciding what to say. She even escaped to the bathroom for a few minutes so she could practice saying his name in the mirror to make sure that it sounded just right._

" _James," she says, the sound not quite perfect, once most of the other guests have left. She reaches out a hand toward him. "Can we talk?"_

_James grins at her in a way that doesn't quite reach his eyes but is still charming. She wonders if the atmosphere is getting to him. "Of course."_

_Lily opens her mouth, ready to put her plan into action, only to be cut off a second later._

" _Lily!" A voice calls from upstairs, and soft footsteps follow, revealing Mrs. Potter. "Your mother called and said you should go home, dear."_

" _Can I have a few more minutes?"_

_In memory, Lily will recognize Mrs. Potter's expression as something deeper, but in that moment, she can only feel her own desperation to say what has been trapped in her chest all night._

" _It sounds important, Lily. You should talk to her." Mrs. Potter's eyes soften, but it feels like the whole world is conspiring against Lily and her confession. "You know you're always welcome back. Anytime."_

_Lily nods. "I know, Mrs. Potter. Thank you." She looks back over at James and tries to put as many of her thoughts as she can into her smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, James."_

" _Bye, Lily," he calls after her softly._

_She follows James' mother upstairs and spends the short walk over to her house coming up with all of the reasons why this is a good thing. She has more time to think about exactly what to say. She can sit on the swing set with him and bring back pleasant memories as she confesses what she thinks and feels when he looks at her. The sun can be up, so she can see his full expression when she admits that she likes him in a way that isn't strictly best friends._

_Tomorrow, Lily tells herself. She will tell him tomorrow._


	8. Change: A Sirius Intermission

_“You know these things will change. Can you feel it now? These walls that we put up to hold us back will fall down.”_

_\--_

Sirius Black is on a mission. A half-baked, not-at-all planned mission, but an important one.

The unfortunate thing about this mission in particular is that he’s lost his usual partner in crime for it, because it’s somewhat _against_ said partner. 

Or, rather, against his usual partner’s partner. 

Sirius had a whole weekend to nurse a hangover and wallow in bed, thinking about James’ relationship with Lily. Which is not ideal, because he already had a throbbing headache, and thinking only makes his head hurt worse. Plus, thinking about his best friend’s relationship with one of their former best friends is just… _weird._

He doesn’t _want_ to think about that. He wants to be able to be happy for James. Truly he does. But while he’s nearly there, something is still holding him back. 

He doesn’t trust Evans. Not fully. 

He knows that James does, or seems to, but what’s that old saying? Love is blind? James’ eyesight is bad enough without adding _love_ on top of all that. 

Especially when it comes to Evans.

So, Sirius has decided that it’s time to set aside middle school grudges and hard feelings to actually _talk_ to Evans for the first time in several years. 

He’s a good judge of character and intention, Sirius is. If he can somehow get the girl alone - which is a task, because she’s nearly always glued to James’ hand these days - and without her defensive guard up that she usually wears around him now, he can properly gage her purpose in dating his best friend.

Which is weird, he knows. Why would someone have an ulterior motive for dating someone else? People date because they like each other, because they have fun together. They date because they’re teenagers and have more hormones than they know what to do with. It’s not usually that complicated. 

The suddenness of James and Lily’s relationship, however, and the way it seems so very… well rehearsedsets Sirius on edge. Something isn’t adding up when it comes to the two of them.

Sirius also wonders if, perhaps, it’s simply him. If he’s imagining things because he _wants_ something to be wrong with their relationship. Or if he’s made Evans so uncomfortable that she goes into protective, jealous girlfriend mode around him. 

Deep down, so far down that it’s almost ugly to confront, he faces the fact that he also wants his friendship with Evans back. He doesn’t _want_ her to have to be defensive or jealous around him. To be constantly ready to fight with him. He wants things to go back to how they were in middle school, when they were a unit and she was apart of it all. 

It’s _exhausting_ to be fighting with her at every turn, when they have so much history together.

And maybe, just maybe, Evans dating James is the way it goes back to all of that. 

So, Sirius decides, if he can get her alone, look her in the eyes, and tell that she really, truly likes his best friend, he can let this all go.

It’s 7:45 on Monday morning when Sirius rolls into the school parking lot on his motorbike, surprising even himself at his punctuality. 

Even though years have passed, he knows Evans’ school routine well. She’s like clockwork, that girl is. He knows that she’ll already be inside the cafeteria, checking her bag to make sure her homework and assignments are neatly tucked away - they always _are -_ and James will be with her, because now _he’s_ concerned about making it to school on time. 

Today, they don’t all share an early morning class, which is vital to his plan. Today is an A schedule day, and Evans has yearbook first thing. That means she’ll spend a majority of that class period wandering about the school, snapping photos, and getting quotes. She’ll be incredibly easy to corner, which is why he’s skipping his own first period class to lurk about, waiting for her like some sort of devilishly handsome Disney villain. 

He bounds quickly up the steps that lead from the parking lot to the school, fully intending to hide away in the boy’s bathroom until the tardy bell rings. 

As soon as he opens the doors to the school, however, he comes face to face with his boyfriend. Which, honestly, he should have guessed. Whenever he is scheming, Remus is always there to try to screw it up. 

“You’re not honestly still going to go through with this, are you?” asks Remus. He’s wearing an old, slightly worn sweater that makes Sirius completely _weak_. He knows the other boy likely wore it on purpose to distract him, and it takes everything in him to not let it do just that. 

“You mean, am I going to interrogate my best friend’s girlfriend to make sure she’s not planning on breaking his heart again?” Sirius looks Remus dead in the eye as he says this, attempting to look anywhere other than the fraying bits of fabric near Remus’ neck. “Yes. Yes I am.”

“Sirius!” squeaks Remus. _Actually_ squeaks. Even _that_ is distracting. “You don’t need to interfere with their relationship! You’re completely overstepping! I know you don’t care about boundaries, but this is too much. Even for you.”

“I care about boundaries. I’m very careful with yours,” counters Sirius. “And, besides, I’m not _interfering._ I’m investigating.” 

“You just said you were going to _interrogate_ her.” Remus crosses his arms, making it practically impossible to ignore how his collar moves. “She’s not a crime suspect. She’s a perfectly nice girl. A girl your best friend decided to date. A girl who appears to be making him pretty happy. Don’t you think James can think for himself?” 

“No,” Sirius scoffs. “Not when it comes to Evans, he can’t. He can barely see past her eyes. Do you know how many things he’s compared them to? Honestly, you would think he would run out after _moss,_ but no. He’s hopeless when it comes to her!”

“What are you even hoping to accomplish? Are you going to give her a chance?”

“Of course, I am, but I have to catch her off guard. Without James. I have to see who she is when she’s not hiding behind him,” says Sirius, cocking his head slightly. “Look, you’re not going to change my mind. You know when it’s set, it’s set. So, either you can come with me and try to keep me in check as best you can, or you can go to class and try not to think about the fact that I’m likely going to drag Evans into a janitor's closet and shine a dusty light in her face.”

“Can you just…” Remus shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose like Sirius is taking off years of his life. Which, admittedly, he might be doing. He’s not particularly sorry about it, when it’s for a cause as noble as protecting the Lily-shaped spot in James’ heart. “Will you give her a chance? If she convinces you, will you lay off?”

“You mean you don’t want to kidnap James’ girlfriend with me? That’s not your idea of a hot date?” teases Sirius, laughing when Remus glares at him. “I’m kidding! _If_ she convinces me, then, of course, I’ll lay off. If not…”

“You’ll lock her in the janitor’s closet?” Remus poses, voice slightly strained. “Make sure that you _listen_ and actually give her a chance to convince you. That’s all I ask.”

“I promise,” says Sirius, leaning in and pecking Remus lightly on the lips. “Now, get to class. You’re already late, by your standards.”

“Be good,” Remus warns, though his softened expression takes away any of the sternness from his tone. “Don’t skip too much class or get detention. You owe me a ride home.” 

Sirius grins, giving his boyfriend a small salute as he turns and darts down the hallway. 

He’s slightly off track, thanks to Remus, but not nearly out of luck, he finds. Lily Evans is just in front of him, dropping her backpack off at her classroom and blushing like a fool while James kisses her forehead.

 _Honestly,_ the girl acts like she has never been kissed before. 

Which, by the way, she has been. Sirius had been there for at least one of her kisses. If this conversation goes well, he thinks, he's going to be around for many more, judging by the first few weeks of their relationship.

James turns to leave her, and Sirius bounds across the hall to her side before she can disappear into the room. "Evans," he starts, "I need to talk to you."

"Sirius? Class starts in a minute and I have to-"

"You can take some pictures of James for the sports page later." He moves to the side so she has to go with him away from the door. "What's a few minutes of yearbook? It's important, Marauder promise type things."

That stops her short. Something flashes across her face before she answers, looking like she’s making an effort not to show any strong emotion. "Okay. I have a few minutes."

“Excellent,” he says, grinning. He honestly expected more of a fight. But this works too. Even if he does have an appreciation for the dramatic. “Walk with me, Evans?”

He offers his arm to her, which she takes with a raised brow. "Only a few minutes. Mary will kill me if we get behind schedule."

“Don’t worry. If you get in trouble with Mary, I’ll smooth it over. No one can stay mad at me.” 

Though, honestly, Mary sort of scares him. He’s not sure if Mary really is a stickler for time or if Lily is just playing her one wild card over him. Either way, he makes a mental note not to get his ass kicked by Mary Macdonald today.

Remus would be proud.

"What was so important that you're missing… whatever class you have right now?"

“Government, and don’t worry. Nothing important ever happens in that class, anyway. I’m likely not missing much,” he says, shrugging. “I wanted to have a talk with you. A heart to heart, if you will.”

"About?" she replies carefully, dropping her hand from his arm.

“You and James.”

"Oh." Lily considers for a moment before asking, "What about us?"

“Here’s the thing, Evans,” says Sirius, sighing and pocketing his hands in his leather jacket. “I’ve got to be perfectly honest with you. I don’t fully trust you, and I think you know that. I mean, I haven’t been shy about it. When things ended last time between you and James… they didn’t end well. And that was just _friendship_ wise. No relationship strings were attached.”

"Things are different now. Last time…" Lily shakes her head. "Last time was bad. I know it was, in about a million ways. But I'm not going to mess it up again."

“How?” asks Sirius. He stops suddenly, pulling her by the elbow so she stops as well. “How do you know that? Look, I know that whateverhappened was ages ago, but you don’t know how long it took for James to be okay again. To not look at you and absolutely shatter. And now he’s right back to being that lovesick boy, and I know it’s probably not my place, but I’m weary for him, Evans. Someone has to be.”

"It took _me_ a long time to be okay again, Sirius. When my dad -" Lily lets out a breath. "I'm not the same person I was back then. And James… We've talked about it. I want this just as much as he does." She almost smiles. "Maybe even more. I've missed him. I've missed _you_ , Sirius."

There's the feeling of clawing at his heart that makes it hard for him to remain defensive, and he knows that it’s years worth of friendship with Lily Evans trying to break its way out. 

Fuck. 

“I’ve missed you too,” he admits, aloud this time. He can feel a small crack in the wall he built years ago. It takes him a moment to realize that he built it not only around James, but around himself as well. “Honestly, I have. But it’s… it’s _hard,_ Evans. It’s hard to trust your intentions. Especially with the prom thing out of nowhere. I mean, can you blame me? The Lily Evans I knew wouldn’t even consider running for Prom Queen.”

"It isn't - Prom is a thing with Petunia. You know how that is. Maybe it's stupid, but we thought it could be fun. A way to cap off senior year." Lily reaches across the space between them, hesitating only a moment before she puts her hand on his arm. "But I want you to know _this_ Lily Evans. I don't want to graduate and not be able to talk to you."

He considers this for a moment. Leaving high school and never having any sort of contact with her again. It somehow never crossed his mind, the fact that there is an end coming to all of this in the next few months. He could spend the rest of his high school life pushing her away and glaring at her from his desk like he has been doing. 

Or he can trust her. 

“You can’t hurt him,” he says, his voice sounding stuck. He clears his throat before speaking more surely. “You can’t. It would destroy him. It would destroy me.”

Lily nods, grip tightening slightly on his arm. "I know. I won't let myself mess it up again. I want _both_ of you back."

“We are a package deal,” he says, a grin tugging on his lips. It’s hard to pull it back. “Care to make it a Marauder promise?”

He holds his pinky out to her, offering her an olive branch. 

She takes it, linking her pinky with his without any pause. 

In another second, Lily uses their connected fingers to tug him forward and hugs him with her free arm. “Marauder promise,” she mumbles against his leather jacket. 

Sirius hugs her tightly and believes her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check us out on tumblr at @women-inthe-sequel and @alrightginger!

**Author's Note:**

> Check us out on Tumblr @women-inthe-sequel and @alrightginger!


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